Author Vinsanity1307 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I removed all pictures, her stuff way back in July...My whole apartment is New england patriots which she bought me 90% of , curtains, comforters, memorabilia, fatheads. I love my Patriots but knowing she bought that stuff sucks. I re arranged my room, and living room but still hurts..As for right now I am thinking of the intimate moments that I no longer have..and I am working on my project , but its not helping...
Bubberfly Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 first thing you need to do is stop doing and listening to anything that reminds you of her. get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of her...pics, items, etc...box them up or throw them away. you need to change your world you live in to be something new that doesn't involve HER. remove her from your every day life and you'll see a big change. Yes this. If that means every single thing needs to come off your wall then do it. If that means you need to head to the thrift store to completely redecorate, then do it. You can't wallow in the muck of your past relationship. If that means you need to move, then cheap rent and utilities be damned. 2
reddragon588 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 My whole apartment is New england patriots Ah, I found your problem! You need more 49ers stuff!
flitzanu Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 then it sounds like you need to remove all the decorations she bought you. because YOU KNOW SHE BOUGHT THEM AND YOU'RE HANGING ON TO THAT THREAD OF HER. 3
Minneloa Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Yep. You should pull down/box up everything GIVEN to you by an ex. By the same token, you shouldn't give up the things you like, just because an ex likes them as well. See what I mean? Still barrack (or root, whatever you Americans say) for your team, but box away all the stuff that she personally gave you. OP, it's clear that you're still holding out hope for your ex to come back. That's apparently not going to happen. So the next question is, what do you want to do? Do you want to be single? Fine - start doing single things (Meetup. Again. Stop poo-poing it). Do you want to be in a relationship? Cool - join a dating site. Do you want to learn a new skill, take up a new hobby, do a degree? Do it. But I think you're still stuck on her coming back. Do you really think she's going to? My other solution - and there will be some howling on here at me, but here goes... the NC has probably built the relationship to mythical proportions in your head. And sometimes, the only way to kill hope, is to break NC. So that you can hear and see for yourself, that it's over and she's gone. I agree with your last point; unfortunately, IIRC, the OP sent a letter recently & received no response. Which still didn't seem to eradicate the hope. So at this point, it's all about pushing through, purging all the reminders, and staying as busy and distracted as humanly possible.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 I did end up breaking NC about two weeks ago I sent a hand written letter apologizing for some of my faults in the relationship and the begging in the end. I offered/asked for a new relationship not like the last two we had. I stated if she moved on and doesn't look at the memories and our connection as something special to not respond. I said I love her and want her to be happy hopefully with me ..No response obviously....Again I love my Patriots stuff not cause it's from her but cause I love the Pats.. There's no easy way to push through the fact that she bought me this stuff and to heal without taking all the decor down?
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Not good in the least bit....=(
Simon Phoenix Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I did end up breaking NC about two weeks ago I sent a hand written letter apologizing for some of my faults in the relationship and the begging in the end. I offered/asked for a new relationship not like the last two we had. I stated if she moved on and doesn't look at the memories and our connection as something special to not respond. I said I love her and want her to be happy hopefully with me ..No response obviously....Again I love my Patriots stuff not cause it's from her but cause I love the Pats.. There's no easy way to push through the fact that she bought me this stuff and to heal without taking all the decor down? Buy your own Patriots stuff. Instead of a Brady Fathead, buy a Gronk one.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Don't think you understand I have everything pats, signed jerseys, signed game balls,welker brady and gronk fathead...pats wall clock, pats curtains,comforters,floor matts, towels,signs,cups ...Yea I'm dedicated. she didn't buy all of it but alot of it.but it is what it is....think jumping way of topic here
Simon Phoenix Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Don't think you understand I have everything pats, signed jerseys, signed game balls,welker brady and gronk fathead...pats wall clock, pats curtains,comforters,floor matts, towels,signs,cups ...Yea I'm dedicated. she didn't buy all of it but alot of it.but it is what it is....think jumping way of topic here Well, you either need to get rid of it or you need to separate her from the football team. I mean, I know what you are going through. While it's on a much smaller scale, my ex bought me this awesome pair of aviator sunglasses that I loved to wear. At first, I wore them after the break because a) I thought they were bad ass and b) because they were a symbol of her. But eventually I realized that b) was holding me back, so I had to decide if they were cool enough to keep or if I needed to ditch them. I decided to keep them and eventually, they just became a pair of bad-ass sunglasses. In fact, I didn't think about their connection to her for several months until I lost them at a wedding a couple months ago, over a year after she had bought them for me. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Don't think you understand I have everything pats, signed jerseys, signed game balls,welker brady and gronk fathead...pats wall clock, pats curtains,comforters,floor matts, towels,signs,cups ...Yea I'm dedicated. she didn't buy all of it but alot of it.but it is what it is....think jumping way of topic here Maybe time to get some additional hobbies besides Pat Football 2
BC1980 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 When she comes to mind, do you give into thoughts of her? That is a dangerous thing to do. When my ex comes to mind (which is often), I immediately think of anything else. I immediately do anything else. I purposefully detach from him. You need to keep doing that, and, one day, it will become second nature. I think that when she comes into your mind, you are giving into thoughts of her and making it worse. That is very destructive.
JDPT Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 You keep battling yourself by not getting rid of all those items. Albeit you love that team they are still subconsciously attached to her and until you don't get rid of them you will continue to be subconsciously attached to her. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Or you can man up and refuse to let feelings for a woman that dumped you come between you and your beloved team. I mean, there is no way I would let memories of an ex-girlfriend affect my love for my team on game day. F--k all that. Maybe this is what you need to man the f*ck up and stop being put into an emo-like depressive state all the time. And I agree with BC, you have to be active in repelling the thoughts when they creep into your head. You let one thought kill your day, which is weak. 3
loversquarrel Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Buy a Harley or classic antique bike. I have been rolling on that therapy for 20 yrs. It's amazing what it can do for the soul riding this time of year in New England. P.S. time to get rid of the Welker fathead. You are more than welcome to burn it with my Welker jersey. Also...you do realize the Sox are in the ALCS, right?? 1
loversquarrel Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 You really should consider working out more, it works wonders. I work out everyday, eat right, I took up MMA a few years back - anything which requires focus to help you build new neuro-pathways. It doesn't even have to cost you much, hell Rocky had to lift big rocks and chop wood before he fought Ivan Drago. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 When she comes to mind, do you give into thoughts of her? That is a dangerous thing to do. When my ex comes to mind (which is often), I immediately think of anything else. I immediately do anything else. I purposefully detach from him. You need to keep doing that, and, one day, it will become second nature. I think that when she comes into your mind, you are giving into thoughts of her and making it worse. That is very destructive. My therapist has a term to describe this: "Neurons that fire together, wire together" In other words, when you start to do the above thechnique, it will automatically become second nature after a while and you won't even have to think about it. Smart lady 3
JDPT Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 My therapist has a term to describe this: "Neurons that fire together, wire together" In other words, when you start to do the above thechnique, it will automatically become second nature after a while and you won't even have to think about it. Smart lady Mine called it "rerouting thoughts" immediately put a stop to the vicious past and embrace the now and needless possibilities, same concept. 2
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Thanks for all the responses.... While the Pats are on my mind is shifted completly off of her. So that is one of my two helpers of taking my mind off of her. The other is obviously the gym. Like I stated I go 4 times a week. I use to do 5 but it got to much and actually was causing muscle fatigue, and I was losing muscle. And rerouting your thoughts and blocking out the memories isnt that bad. Cause doesnt that cause the thoughts to come flying back with a vengeance trying to subside them?... I signed up for flag football so I hope that helps as well... aspiringuitarheroine-Many guys in the states like their sports teams, or their home teams and there are alot worse than me in reference to their teams. Its just personal preference on what someone likes or what I like. I didnt appreciate you downing something I enjoy whether being the Pats decor or team. That doesnt make me a bad person...
BC1980 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 My therapist has a term to describe this: "Neurons that fire together, wire together" In other words, when you start to do the above thechnique, it will automatically become second nature after a while and you won't even have to think about it. Smart lady I just knew that it would only lead to a downward spiral to keep him in my thoughts, and it really does work in time.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Thanks for all the responses.... While the Pats are on my mind is shifted completly off of her. So that is one of my two helpers of taking my mind off of her. The other is obviously the gym. Like I stated I go 4 times a week. I use to do 5 but it got to much and actually was causing muscle fatigue, and I was losing muscle. And rerouting your thoughts and blocking out the memories isnt that bad. Cause doesnt that cause the thoughts to come flying back with a vengeance trying to subside them?... I signed up for flag football so I hope that helps as well... aspiringuitarheroine-Many guys in the states like their sports teams, or their home teams and there are alot worse than me in reference to their teams. Its just personal preference on what someone likes or what I like. I didnt appreciate you downing something I enjoy whether being the Pats decor or team. That doesnt make me a bad person... As a sports fan, I got your back on that one. Women couldn't care less if you have a lot of sports stuff on your walls. Video game stuff on the other hand ... As for the rerouting thing, there's nothing good about overanalyzing and rehashing constantly, which is what you seem to do. Sometimes you have to turn off the faucet. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 And rerouting your thoughts and blocking out the memories isnt that bad. Cause doesnt that cause the thoughts to come flying back with a vengeance trying to subside them?... I signed up for flag football so I hope that helps as well... No, it's very helpful! You just mentioned when the Patriots are playing you aren't thinking about her... isn't that nice? Besides, you need to try something new or else nothing is going to change 1
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Yes it is a nice feeling not thinking of her...I will try to redirect my thoughts when they come around. Not always an easy task though....
Simon Phoenix Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Yes it is a nice feeling not thinking of her...I will try to redirect my thoughts when they come around. Not always an easy task though.... Most things worth doing aren't easy. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Yes it is a nice feeling not thinking of her...I will try to redirect my thoughts when they come around. Not always an easy task though.... No one said it was easy... but it's worth it! Getting to the point where I am now has taken a TON of hard work for me... but it's definitely worth it. Even though I still have a long way to go.
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