elisee8d Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 This is one I definitely need some help with, but I guess that explains why I'm here. To attempt making a long story short, this guy and I had crushes on each other way back in high school, but we drifted separate ways. Met up a few years later, hit it off as we always used to, and began dating. I broke up with him after 3 months because I didn't feel as though I was one of his priorities, and came after silly things. I didn't feel appreciated or like I meant very much to him. He didn't put up a fight at all when I told him I felt we shouldn't be together, and basically agreed. A big issue for me with him was I told him he gave me that butterfly kind of feeling, and he said he's never felt that ever... I don't want to be with someone who doesn't feel over the moon to be with me. Flash forward to now - it's been a year, we're friends again and have begun hanging out. We joke about the break up and how ridiculous we both acted during those 3 months, which led to him feeling bad and texting me to apologize. He admitted he was just depressed and had no business having a girlfriend in that state of mind. I got a feeling he was trying to feel me out for how I felt about trying "us" again, so I shut him down quickly saying it was fine and that it was in the past, and that I'm glad we can be friends now and that it isn't weird. He pretty much just said nevermind and changed the subject after that. We hung out a few more times, and he's apologized for what an ass he was when we dated again, that he has his priorities set straight now, and realized how stupid he was... also he's asked if I wanted to do things he would never do with me when we dated (such as going places together and things of that nature.) He's the funniest person I know, and has me laughing until I cry every time I see him. We get along SO great, I absolutely love his family and the feeling is mutual with them. I was perfectly happy having him as just my friend, even telling people that I was so glad because we have a great time together, that we just don't work as a couple since he isn't my problem to deal with anymore.. as mean as that may sound, it's how I felt. Until a few days ago - we were hanging out watching a movie, and I really wanted to cuddle with him and be all corny and cute like we used to. I don't feel any type of sexual attraction for him though, and I'm at a point in my life (21 years of age) where I just feel like I'm wasting my time getting into a relationship with anyone that I see no future, long lasting potential with. I don't see he and I ever getting married, or anything like that. I don't want to be tied down with him when someone I could have a future with is out there for me. I know I'm giving him mixed signals with the way that I'm acting, and if he were to put a move on me, I'd probably deny him, or go with it, and regret it after, then change my mind again. I also don't feel as though I want a relationship at all with anyone, but I do miss having someone to call mine... and with him, I can tell he's changed and is trying to prove that to me, and it is nice. I just genuinely have no idea what I want, but I feel like I'm closing myself off to the idea of he and I. Maybe I'm just lonely, but I've been thinking about how some kind of no strings attached sort of deal would be ideal for me right now, but I don't even know how I'd go about doing that. Anyways, any opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated, because I'm actually kind of afraid to see him again because I don't know how to act or what his intentions are. Thank you in advance!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 This is a terrible idea. No strings attached never works because someone always gets feelings and once that happens, it's dishes done. And stop selfishly giving him mixed signals. If you don't want to be with him romantically, don't flirt with him and don't hook up with him because you are feeling lonely and selfish. There seems to be a lot of "me, me, me" thought from you with very little regard for how he might feel. 1
r321148 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Simon's right if you've already decided there is no future with him then this isn't fair to him. However, how can you know that already? Feelings change over time (both ways). Sometimes it takes a while to fall in love with someone. If you can give it a go with him and keep an open mind then I'd say this might work. I guess this would mean living for today and doing what feels right. If your feelings for him still don't develop then you've given it a go and you can both move on. You don't sound like you can do this though and what you are suggesting wouldn't be fair on him.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Simon's right if you've already decided there is no future with him then this isn't fair to him. However, how can you know that already? Feelings change over time (both ways). Sometimes it takes a while to fall in love with someone. If you can give it a go with him and keep an open mind then I'd say this might work. I guess this would mean living for today and doing what feels right. If your feelings for him still don't develop then you've given it a go and you can both move on. You don't sound like you can do this though and what you are suggesting wouldn't be fair on him. Yeah, she needs to know for sure that she has feelings before making a move. Right now she's all wishy-washy, which is bad. 1
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