shankers Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I just want to see what people think of this particular situation. Me and my girlfriend just had a huge argument. It started in my friends house. She was upset about a comment my roommate made. My girlfriend thinks that she is going to loose her job because she only got scheduled once this week. SO in turn she tends to wear her emotions on her sleeve. She does this thing when she gets angry buy crossing her legs and bouncing her foot in an impatient manner. However, my two other friends KNOW when she gets mad. Her whole demeanor changes. she just sat quietly next to me and started angrily texting away on her phone (not making any sounds mind you). My friend said "hey we don't need any negativity or anything" to my girlfriend because she sat there for twenty minutes not saying a word. My girlfriend saw this as disrespectful and later when we went to our car she unloaded on me. She didn't do it to me in an angry way she just started venting. She did this for about a good ten minutes or so. It was all pretty much something along the lines of why did he have to do this. I think it was very disrespectful. When she was finally finished venting she asked my opinion on the situation of the matter. I said that I thought it was a little mean but I don't think her reaction to the entire situation needed to be stretched out that far (she got angry at the fact that she may be loosing her job. She was quietly angry for about 30-45 minutes. In addition her argument was that she was sitting there quietly just texting and not doing anything). Afterwards, she expressed herself in a way that challenged my view. She was not angry at my view she just openly opposed it more and was more animate with her answers. I said "listen I don't wanna argue tonight can we just drop this for now and drive home". In addition i told her that I need to concentrate on the road and I just want to to cool down and have a quite ride home. She didn't listen and kept on venting up the situation. I told her four previous times asking if we could please just drop the situation just for now. I finally just blurted out after the fifth time of wanting peace. I said "Please not now bitch I am not arguing about this tonight". Of course she got extremely sad when i called her the b word. I said I was sorry multiple times. We argued some more even after I told her I was really sorry. She then cried and vented to me about this the entire ride. Also she didn't think the sorry was genuine enough because I didn't full on comfort her like hug her or hold her hand. When we finally arrived at our destination (the trainstation) she literally would not get out of the car. I told her to please get out at least 40 or plus times and to go home. She literally would not budge at all because she didn't think my apology was truly genuine. She also said she did not want to leave off on bad terms. At that point I just needed my space and I had to trick her into getting out of the car. I sped of and left her at the train station because I simply could not deal with the situation any more. She had already made arrangements to sleep at a house so Its not like I literally just left her in the dust. I always drop her off at the train station anyway. I don't want to give the appearance that I just full on abandoned her. I was quiet when she tried to argue with me most of the time. I just needed my space both times and I didn't get it. I am so lost here. I just needed space and I know what I did was wrong but I just didn't want to deal with that situation tonight. I told her four times "can we please just relax". Can anyone give me input on the situation?
kassy Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Find a new girlfriend who doesn't behave like a sulky child. She sounds self centred and high maintenance. You didn't handle the situation well, calling her bitch was stupid, and not productive to end the argument. The whole leaving scenario is rediculous. You need to learn to communicate more effectively and aren't totally innocent in this situation and should take time to address that in future relationships.
Author shankers Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Thank you for the advice. I know I didnt handle the situation well AT ALL (i knew this even before i came to this forum)..I just hate how my girlfriend (we have been going out for a year) cannot give me my space when i really need it. she kinda is like a child sometimes and it is very hard to deal with. she cant cope or deal with any of her problems on her own and when she gets mad it kind of innavertantly transfer over onto me (as seen in this situation). I really cant deal with any of her shenanigans anymore. in relations to the whole leaving thing she does this EVERY time we have an argument. she always barricades a door (with her own body) or doesnt leave my car until she gets reassurance from me and its VERY ANNOYING. i sometimes I just wanto cool off and i never can get that. other than dumping her is there any other advice you can give me?
Author shankers Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 in addition i would also like to say i tried comforting her when she thought she was going to loose her job. i am not a terrible boyfriend but there is only so much one can deal with. i have my limits too and i dont hink she understands them.. and yess i have told her all of this before.
deathandtaxes Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Lack of maturity that she just sits there and texts on her phone when she's hanging out with y'all instead of engaging the group in conversation.
Author shankers Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Even when she found out that she was about to lose her job do you think she should have still maintained conversation with my friends? She has met them before many times (we have slept over their house before). She technically did not know if she got fired or not. Her hours just got cut to one day a week. This isnt a career job for her. We are still in college so it was a normal retail job that payed minimum wage.
deathandtaxes Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Then who was she texting all angrily if she wasn't talking to all of y'all?
kassy Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 She seems like she has a lot of growing up to do, which she may never do. Temper tantrums and sulking are not effective ways of communicating. I can't really see why you want to continue with this. It doesn't sound like much fun. You could talk to her, which it sounds like you have already done, but in my experience with this type of communication pattern of hers she is unlikely to change any time soon. Don't enable her bad behavior. Again, what exactly are you getting from this relationship except a bunch of grief and drama?
Author shankers Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 She was talking to other people trying to find new jobs death (angrily trying to find a new job). But after she was done, she just sat there and folded her arms and was quiet the remainder of the time she was with my friends. She wasnt pissed at me or anything at that time. She was just quiet. Thats when my friend said he didnt want her negativity to spread to the rest of the room. He didnt say it in a mean way. In addition this kid is my best friend and is extremely nice to people. He just speaks his mind. She has no reason at all to hate him.
Author shankers Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Her world is centered around drama. It just sucks and I will admit that I am slightly afraid to break up with her. I was single for 4 years before I met her and honestly I hate being single. But if I stay with her I know a lot of grief will come and cause me to do bad in school. I am really stuck here.
Archanaart Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 You are NOT stuck. You're just choosing to be stuck then complaining about it. You have options but you're just not ready to and don't have the confidence to make a decision. It's your choice to be with someone who is "drama centered" and if you don't like it then move on. There's nothing wrong with being single. You need to learn to be with yourself and be single in order to learn about yourself and be a better partner. So don't complain that you're stuck because you hate of being single. If you said I'm stuck because I love her but she's too much drama then I could understand your situation. but the way you said it makes it seem like you're more preoccupied with having the status of being in a relationship then what kind of person you're dating.
Quiet Storm Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 (edited) Your gf is very immature. She doesn't respect your requests to talk later, and acted like a 2 year old by refusing to get out of the car. However, by calling her a bi+ch you took the focus off of her bad behavior. By doing that, you gave her more ammunition. That wasn't too smart. You are not compatible with this girl. I don't think she's mature enough to have a healthy relationship. Tell her that you don't like the person you become when you are with her, and it's time for you to move on. Edited October 8, 2013 by Quiet Storm 1
kassy Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 You need to break up with her. I mean you are only with her because you don't want to be single. What a terrible reason. And it's not even fun. Go and sort yourself out. Meet new people. Have you ever considered while dating her you aren't available for a great relationship. Yeah. You aren't stuck you are being a pansy.
admasonscottish Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 yes u r lost, else u wont be asking,don't know where, but I'm approaching to look for you, then I'll notify you
Author shankers Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 I just broke up with her. I feel like crap. But I know that I am doing the right thing. Thank you all for your advice.
kassy Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Break ups are always horrible. But well done for going through with it. Onwards and upwards eh
Author shankers Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Kassy before you leave this thread what did you think were the immature parts. Like the whole visibility while being angry or the need to talk to me when i clearly needed my space. I already know the whole leaving situation was pretty ridiculous.
Sunshine87 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I can't believe you broke up with your GF of one year because a bunch of people on the internet told you to. Do you even like her? Nobody is perfect and you should never rush to break up with someone, unless you've tried your best to communicate and work things out. My guess is that you are very young so perhaps do not have the tolerance or patience to try harder. For the future, no one is perfect. Obviously some things are huge incompatibilities but don't rush off to dump someone because she is throws tantrums sometimes. Nobody is perfect.
Sunshine87 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Obviously she lost her job so she must have been so upset. For that alone, I can understand her tantrums.
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