Kitchen Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) So, I met this girl 3 days ago on a dating site. We exchanged a few emails for the first 2 days, and then I asked her for her # and we texted yesterday. Although it was too soon for a fb add, her dating site pics seemed misleading so I also added her on fb yesterday. She turned out to be gorgeous. She took the fb add pretty well so it was all good. Last night we talked for 2 hours on the phone until both of us were exhausted and had to go to sleep. When we hung up the phone, I mistakenly, like an IDIOT, said "I'll tty tomorrow". Today I texted her a couple of times (once in the afternoon, once in the evening), just with random comments about some things we talked about last night, nothing big, and she responded each time, but didn't really ask me anything about myself. Just responded to the questions, albeit in a positive nice way. I know it's only the 4th day that I've known her, but I have a few questions. 1) Have I come off as too needy? She merely just responded to the questions I asked in text today, didn't ask me anything. 2) The minute I saw how gorgeous she was, I pedestaled her . And now I'm intimidated. Prior to that when I hadn't added her I felt at ease and fine when I was writing to her. How do I not **** up (if I haven't already)? One fact I should put here is that it's a bit of a long distance thing, so asking her out on a date any time in the near future is not a possibility. Thanks for reading and helping. Edited October 7, 2013 by Kitchen
Author Kitchen Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Anybody? I think the part when I said "tty tomorrow" blew it for me. Because then after that the next day is when she wasn't really asking me questions, just responding to texts.
Philosoraptor Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You are way overthinking this. She kept responding to you and "talk to you tomorrow" isn't some crazy over the top thing. She seems interested enough in you to talk for hours, so that didn't change because she's suddenly gorgeous. Only issue I see here is that it's a long distance thing with someone you have never met. Could end up in the friendzone here or she may find herself dating someone else, or in a relationship, before you have the opportunity to take her out. 2
Author Kitchen Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Thanks for your reply. Hopefully it's not much of an issue. I'll give her a call tonight and see what happens. Any more opinions? All responses are appreciated
WhiteButton Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Slow down a little bit. I would also avoid "I'll tty tomorrow" right after you spend talking with her for 2 hours. It comes of as needy and clingy i wouldn't do it. Having said that, why are you worked up over a girl that sounds like you cant take out any time soon. Do you really want to be involved in a long distance thing man? If you dont have girls where you live i can understand, but if you do, i would not want to do the LDR but that is just me. Good luck!
Author Kitchen Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Slow down a little bit. I would also avoid "I'll tty tomorrow" right after you spend talking with her for 2 hours. It comes of as needy and clingy i wouldn't do it. Having said that, why are you worked up over a girl that sounds like you cant take out any time soon. Do you really want to be involved in a long distance thing man? If you dont have girls where you live i can understand, but if you do, i would not want to do the LDR but that is just me. Good luck! Yea I knew that the "tty tomorrow" was a **** up as soon as I said it! I'm just so mad at myself for doing that. As far as the LDR thing goes I am usually not okay with it but this girl is just stunning, so I thought I'd give it a chance. And she's not too too far. She's about 5 hours away.
I-Love-Liberty Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You don't want to be the guy from the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes gets the girl in the end, don't be that guy. You want to be the guy from the Rated R movie, the guy that's a little bit mysterious and you're not quite sure you like yet.
Author Kitchen Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 You don't want to be the guy from the PG-13 movie that everybody really hopes gets the girl in the end, don't be that guy. You want to be the guy from the Rated R movie, the guy that's a little bit mysterious and you're not quite sure you like yet. True, but sometimes it's hard to do that, especially when you feel like it's too late. Is it possible to recover from being "needy"? I just called her btw but no answer. My gut feeling says I won't get a call back. I guess if I don't then it's over. Or maybe I can wait a week and see what happens.
clia Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 True, but sometimes it's hard to do that, especially when you feel like it's too late. Is it possible to recover from being "needy"? I just called her btw but no answer. My gut feeling says I won't get a call back. I guess if I don't then it's over. Or maybe I can wait a week and see what happens. What are you hoping to get out of this considering that it's long distance? It seems like way too much communication for knowing each other four days, and the Facebook add seems really premature. It's possible she saw something on your Facebook that turned her off as well.
I-Love-Liberty Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I wouldn't call again. Just wait to hear back from her.
Author Kitchen Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 What are you hoping to get out of this considering that it's long distance? It seems like way too much communication for knowing each other four days, and the Facebook add seems really premature. It's possible she saw something on your Facebook that turned her off as well. Ugh yea, if only she had better pictures on the dating site rather than super up close pics. Doubt she didn't like something on my fb though. It's pretty clean and not much activity. Well LDR do work sometimes, right? I am not betting all my eggs in this basket, but it doesn't hurt to consider it.
deathandtaxes Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Pfffsssht with the long-distance stuff. You used up so much quality time with this lady that could have been face-to-face time. Why the FB add? Is this a younger person thing?
Author Kitchen Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 So a lot has changed in the last 24 hours with some good and bad twists. The good: She definitely did not see that as needy as we talked a lot yesterday and today and she seems interested. The bad: She's actually not as gorgeous as I thought she was, at least not anymore. This might offend some women here, so brace yourself. But a closer look at her pictures reveals that she's gained significant weight over the last year and a half to two years. I knew there was something funny about her online dating pics! And yes this is why I added her on fb so quickly. Her fb is a bit misleading too because she has reposted many old pictures as new ones, and including as her profile pictures. Besides that, she has the typical fat girl super "zoomed in on the face" pictures. So I really had to dig deep to find and see that she is not nearly as attractive as she was before. Now I'm the one who is turned off. I hate when people mislead others in online dating. But like I said, she was GORGEOUS when she was skinnier. So I don't know what to do now. I know in fact she goes to the gym so I am hoping she loses weight soon. It's risky I know. Any advice is appreciated. What are the chances of going from normal weight to overweight back to normal again? I'm also afraid that if I start dating her, she will become complacent and not lose any weight. Also for those that are telling me to forget it since it's long distance, let me just say again that I am aware of the risks of LDR and so I am not putting all my eggs in her basket.
I-Love-Liberty Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I'm just kinda curious what "fat" is to you. You mean like unhealthy and obese? or just curvy/big?
Author Kitchen Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 I'm just kinda curious what "fat" is to you. You mean like unhealthy and obese? or just curvy/big? No she's not obese, but overweight for sure. I feel like it's a difference of 20-30lbs from before
Author Kitchen Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 You came across as needy for sure. I would think so, but clearly not as we've been talking quite a bit since then. I guess I dodged a bullet and lesson learned for next time.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Is it possible to recover from being "needy"? Of course. You need to start playing it cool. Whether you have low self-esteem or not, try to imagine that you are a catch; even that you're a bit out of her league. How would you act then? Don't be crazy about transitioning though or you may come off as neurotic. Just ease way off. If she doesn't contact you, I would not contact her for a few days. Talk to some other girls in the meantime.
Philosoraptor Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Look, if you're not attracted to her anymore than just let it fizzle out. You haven't met at all, and it's long distance, so it's not like you've built up some gigantic expectations with her.
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 First she is gorgeous and even added her to FB, then she isn't as gorgeous as you thought then she has gained significant weight over the last year and is fat, if she had pictures on her FB that were current enough for you to tell that she has gained weight over the last year then the issue isn't her but you. You liked her on the phone and even liked her pictures but now you feel there is a hotter girl out there for you and she isn't it, at this point it is time for you to stop contacting her.. doing her the favor and do the fade.. Nothing wrong with attraction and only dating what you are attracted to but you seem to have gotten buyers remorse and at the expense of the girl. I'd have to say.. next...
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