Anyone ever think your moving on but then out of the blue your backsliding.

[seahawker64]

Hey all, Haven't posted in a couple of months or so I think. I have felt really really good and felt like I was completely moving on. I've met several Women and dated a couple. Had some fun, even though 1 turned out to be a nut case and I actually have had to deactivate my FB page completely because of her.

 

Anyhow, this last week for whatever reason I really have been kind of down about my prior relationship. I really have been missing her and I'm not sure why all the sudden this has popped back up. It's almost 8 month's and I was pretty pleased when I noticed I was starting to feel human again so this sudden down in the dumps again has me confused.

 

Anyone else have this happen?

[Beautiful diamond]

Of course. That's normal. It means you are moving forward. The time to worry is when things seem too perfect. Then your probably lying to yourself. Grieving is not a bad thing.

[Never Again]

It happens. It sucks, but it happens.

 

Sometimes it's out of nowhere, sometimes there's a trigger.

 

I backslid when I found out my ex was chasing someone new, and again when I randomly bumped into her. Certain songs, friends and movies still trigger me.

 

However, you can choose to stop it. Keep moving forward, keep yourself busy. You'll shake it eventually. I'm 4 months post BU and still affected, so you're not alone. Just do what you can.

[Nancy87]

my heart is burning

[cif]

Sometimes i feel that way esp. after my bf and i have an argument. It passes quickly though. You just have to occupy yourself with other things.

[reddragon588]

Yeah it is definitely normal. I've been going up and down a lot lately too. Unfortunately emotions don't work in a linear fashion.

 

my heart is burning

 

Nancy, I mean this in the most supportive way possible, but you need to seek therapy. You're snowballing and need a professional to get you out of this funk.

[Antares]

Seahawk: Word for word, pretty much my entire last couple of weeks.

 

She broke up with me in April and I was pretty okay with, albeit a bit bummed. She was an inexperienced shy gal who just said it wasn't working. It takes her a long time to open up to new people... So I figured that was it. Then in July she texted me and we had some good text chats. Then in mid August we had a really long 2 hour fun phone call, caught up with each other and she mentioned how the BU was tough for her, that she missed me, cried, wanted to call me but kept telling herself not too. She asked me if I was dating anyone new, etc and we started talking about relationship stuff, all initiated by her. I asked her if that meant she wanted to try again, and she said No..it's best to move on. (And as this point she was crying again) She said that she really valued me and thought about me all the time, but knew that we couldn't be just friends either.

 

That bummed out even more. Knowing that she felt something but still didn't want it.

 

But since then I've been talking to new girls, and been on some dates. Dates that are technically good, but I sit there comparing them to her. In the back of my mind, I'll be like...Oh, my ex was funnier, or she was way more sarcastic. My ex loved that movie. Or she was a much better kisser. Granted I'm not trying to go way fast with any of these dates, just trying to get back out there.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a dream about her. And then 2 days ago it reoccured. I've always had very vivid dreams, all my life. My friends always show up, places I've been too. I'm very inventive, and they're always so detailed and imaginary. So even though dreaming them is great, waking up and realizing it's not real, sucks.

 

So I know I'm not over her yet. Even though it was a short relationship, I know that I was falling for her. And right now I really just want to be done with it all. I'm ok knowing what I had felt, I just want to move on fully.

[seahawker64]

Seahawk: Word for word, pretty much my entire last couple of weeks.

 

She broke up with me in April and I was pretty okay with, albeit a bit bummed. She was an inexperienced shy gal who just said it wasn't working. It takes her a long time to open up to new people... So I figured that was it. Then in July she texted me and we had some good text chats. Then in mid August we had a really long 2 hour fun phone call, caught up with each other and she mentioned how the BU was tough for her, that she missed me, cried, wanted to call me but kept telling herself not too. She asked me if I was dating anyone new, etc and we started talking about relationship stuff, all initiated by her. I asked her if that meant she wanted to try again, and she said No..it's best to move on. (And as this point she was crying again) She said that she really valued me and thought about me all the time, but knew that we couldn't be just friends either.

 

That bummed out even more. Knowing that she felt something but still didn't want it.

 

But since then I've been talking to new girls, and been on some dates. Dates that are technically good, but I sit there comparing them to her. In the back of my mind, I'll be like...Oh, my ex was funnier, or she was way more sarcastic. My ex loved that movie. Or she was a much better kisser. Granted I'm not trying to go way fast with any of these dates, just trying to get back out there.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a dream about her. And then 2 days ago it reoccured. I've always had very vivid dreams, all my life. My friends always show up, places I've been too. I'm very inventive, and they're always so detailed and imaginary. So even though dreaming them is great, waking up and realizing it's not real, sucks.

 

So I know I'm not over her yet. Even though it was a short relationship, I know that I was falling for her. And right now I really just want to be done with it all. I'm ok knowing what I had felt, I just want to move on fully.

 

Yea, I think you right. We think we are over them but the reality is we are not. I think for myself I'm realistically probably halfway there. The intense pain is gone but there's just a melancholy missing her ( even though she irritated me a lot of the time ). I find it more sad than anything.

 

It frustrates me that I do the same as you, I date and then I pick them apart in my mind how they don't stack up to my ex. I know once I stop doing that, then I will be over her. I agree getting out and dating is good for you and much as it sucks most of the time.

 

I was at a party about a month ago. I met easily the hottest Woman there. I mean smoking hot. Hotter than my ex in all honesty. We kept looking at each other all night and ended up making out on the back of a pick up truck. I actually got pretty fired up that maybe this might be someone I could start spending time with.

 

I texted her a couple of days later and asked her out on very short notice. She had another party to go to the night I wanted to take her out, so I told her no problem. The weird thing was I felt a sense of relief she wasn't available. I let it go and never asked her again. Never texted her again to try again. Then last night, it was weird she texted me for the first time and asked me if I wanted to meet up with her at a local festival we have once a year. I made up a lame excuse I was busy with something else because I just wasn't in to it. How screwed up is that? Smoking hot blond and I say no I can't. All because I was sitting home alone thinking about my ex.

 

This is what sucks. Sometimes I feel like she stole something from me and I feel like I'm never getting back.