cin Posted December 2, 2004 Posted December 2, 2004 Hi everyone. I am just wondering if anyone has any advice or insight into my problem. I have been in a live-in relationship with "X" for eight years. X makes 5-times more money than me. When we first started dating, I has happy that "X" was self-sufficient, and would take trips with friends. In other words, I was happy that "X" had a life separate from mine, and wasn't clingy. Now things have changed. "X" owns a sucessful business and has lots of money and more free time than I do, as I work a 9-5 job with less vacation. At this point, "X" has taken numerous trips without me -- we keep our money separate and usually I just can't afford it. While "X" is quite sweet, and in general is one of the happiest people I know, there are no boundaries between our relationship and friends. But taking all these trips without me is starting to make me feel unwanted, and I can't compete with "X" richer friends. Exampes: 10 day cruise to the south of france. Superbowl -- this one killed me! "X" has season tickets, and got 4 tickets to last year's superbowl. X told me I could go if I could fork out $5,000 for a ticket -- and I couldn't afford it. Then I found out the tickets only cost $500, and X sold them to two friends. A TOTAL LIE. I felt betrayed and unwanted! Also numerous weekend trips to cape cod, but going there on a Sunday, knowing I have to be at work on Monday morning. The thing that bothers me is we don't go on trips alone -- sometimes I'm invited along on these trips with friends, but I don't want to me just "another" friend. I vascilate between feeling hurt, angry, bitter, and a loser. I feel totally inept and unable to compete with these friends because I don't have the money or vacation time. I hate feeling so negative about myself, though. "X" birthday is this wednesday ... I was just "informed" that X is leaving this Saturday to spend a week in Mexico with friends. So I won't be there. I feel like a person should spend their birthday "with the people they love" -- and apparently that doesn't include me. X doesn't want to talk about this recurring problem -- doesn't like "conflict and confrontation". Any advice! I am ready to pack my bags, since this just keeps on happening!!
Matilda Posted December 2, 2004 Posted December 2, 2004 You have a romantic relationship with this man? He's is treating you very poorly if that's the case. If he cared about you, he would want you to go with him on these trips, at least some of the time. And he wouldn't make you feel bad about not having the money for it. You don't need to feel bad about yourself. I would find myself another place to live, if you have to support yourself anyway, at least you can do it with some dignity. And that bit about not liking conflict and confrontation is a bunch of crap, that's just another way to say "I'm selfish, and don't care about how you feel". Sure he doesn't want any confrontation, because he's got his cake and his eating it too!
Author cin Posted December 2, 2004 Author Posted December 2, 2004 I should add that when I suggested couples counseling about six months ago, the answer was no. There's a part of me that thinks I should leave, but our "home" life is actually good. I am just so conflicted. I feel that when there's an opportunity to do something "Great" (like take a cruise or trip) that I am usually left out due to my time and financial constraints. And not being there for my partner's birthday hurts! Wouldn't that hurt you????
Debster Posted December 2, 2004 Posted December 2, 2004 I hate to break it to you, but how can your home life be good when your boyfriend has lied to you, chooses to go places where he knows you can't afford to go (and doesn't offer to foot the bill). Surely after 8 years together money would have been pooled together. My husband and I pooled our money together the first month of living together - before we were even engaged. The fact that you two haven't done that, IMO shows a hesitation and doubt in the longevity of the relationship.
on the edge Posted December 2, 2004 Posted December 2, 2004 i agree with matilda and debster. how can home life be that great? i would be packing my bags and telling "x" adios!!!!!!
Author cin Posted December 2, 2004 Author Posted December 2, 2004 I guess I thought there was a way to save the relationship. I'm starting to think not. Any more thoughts would be nice -- I'm especially thinking about not spending X's birthday together, after being in this relationship for 8 years! Ugh! It hurts, hurt, hurts.
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