rico strawberry Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Me and my ex had been going out for a year as of april 20th of this year. a few weeks later we broke up because we had been arguing for the last few months of our relationship and hurt each other a lot. since our break up we have been on and off. I do have to mention this was a long distance relationship. She lived in Maine, but now is currently attending college in Massachusetts; and I attended college in florida but now I am in maryland. It took a lot of money but we saw each other once every couple of months or so. even after the break up she visited me for a week and all we did was have sex and of course the feelings came rushing back. Several times we tried to be friends but knew we were still emotionally attached and basically going out but we just didn't put a label on it. Several times we said we were done and the arguments got really heated but we always came back to each other. The times we weren't talking I had chances to get with other girls but I just didn't because I still had deep feelings for her. We recently got into another argument and I told her I couldn't deal with the pain of her lying to me about certain things(not about guys but just lying to me in general). So I told her this time I just wanted to friends for real. This is her first year of college and she's meeting new people and trying new things and it was bound to happen, but she finally found someone that she really likes. The way it happened really hurt me though. We were both planning for me to visit her in college for a week this October and we joked about me being her fake boyfriend for a week. We joked like that because we both knew that even though I said I was for real about just being friends that when we spent time together, we were going to actually enjoy being with each other again. Last Thursday night she went to this movie event at her school and barely texted me back and this was unusually because we still text quite frequently throughout the day normally. I had a gut feeling something was wrong. That next day on Friday she barely texted me again and I tried calling but didn't answer and called me back a few hours later but I was so mad for the lack of communication the last couple days. We got into an argument through text and randomly she stops texting me completely for the rest of the night. The next morning she calls me and told me she didn't know how to say it but she hooked up with someone she met thursday night and did certain things to each other that Friday night we argued. So then she proceeds to tell me that she really likes this guy and that it wasn't a great idea to visit. I was depressed and angry and we exchanged really hurtful words and I even called her a slut for basically knowing this guy for a day and a half and hooking up with him, and now she says she really likes him!? Me and my ex were really sexual people and the other times we we "done with each other" was because she would call me on skype so we can have "fun" but I never had time. I don't know if I'm right but I'm guessing she just needed someone really bad to fulfill her physical needs because she hadn't seen me in 2 or so months. I didn't tell her that because I was just scared to be wrong. I have physical needs to be I was strong enough to wait until I saw her next. I don't know if thats why she did it or if she really likes him but I am just guessing. So I am very hurt because we were planning this visit for a week at her college and she just surprises me with this telling me not to visit because she knows if I still visit we would get back together and she doesn't want to ruin things with this guy. She told me she couldn't wait around her entire life for me but I took it as she didn't even consider my feelings and how I took off a week of work to visit her. Not to mention I was going to go up there in 2 weeks! I cried a lot yesterday when this all happened and even driving back from work. People said I looked like a zombie and I couldn't even hold a simple conversation because I was so emotionally distraught. I cried when I woke up today and I wrote her a letter of how I felt. She texted me earlier and I texted back but she never replied and that kills me knowing she is with the other guy she just met right now. Every time I think of her I break down and cry and this is frequently. I've tried to move past this already even though it just happened yesterday but I just can't get her out of my mind. She says she still loves me and wants me to visit but she just doesn't think its a good idea. What should I do? I am so lost.
Author rico strawberry Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 I also want to add that it hurts that she didn't want me to visit anymore because we both LOVE halloween and were excited to spend our first halloween together finally this year. Now she'll be spending halloween with that other guy most likely which makes my stomach cringe knowing she is replacing me 1
Mr Scorpio Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 What should I do? I am so lost. You should know that there are a lot of people here experiencing the same pain that you are. There are also others who aren't experiencing it now, but who have been down the same road. You should know that you are in good company, and this site is great at helping people get through breakups. Beyond that, you should do your best to move past this. Allow yourself a good solid week or two to wallow. Make sure you attend to any work or school commitments you might have. Beyond that, feel free to lie in bed with the blinds shut and the tv on in the background for hours on end. Why do I think you should move past this? It sounds as though your relationship with this woman was unhealthy. It is certainly common for couples to argue, but not for months, and not in a way that hurts one-another. Add that to the fact that this is a long-distance relationship with a person who just started college and -- I'm sorry to say -- I don't see how salvaging anything here is possible. You told her that you wanted to be friends, and you meant it, at least at that point in time. Getting back together and breaking-up only to get back together again? You don't need that drama in your life, especially not while you're in school, especially not when you've had the opportunity to meet other women. Try to eat, exercise, monitor your thoughts, hang out with friends, spend a day drinking microbrews and playing GTA5, watch some football or hockey or MLB playoffs or NBA preseason. Get in some disc-golf. Hit some bars. Do it all knowing that you don't need to worry about the next argument with this woman. 5
love1336x Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I also want to add that it hurts that she didn't want me to visit anymore because we both LOVE halloween and were excited to spend our first halloween together finally this year. Now she'll be spending halloween with that other guy most likely which makes my stomach cringe knowing she is replacing me Hmm, I never like that statement... Nobody can be replace... You are unique person. Your love will always be different from any man she will meet... and eventually fall in love with too... I know it's tough.... one day at time... I say... time heals all wounds.. But, what you do with the time also helps with the healing... 2
JoelBarish Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I am sorry for your loss and your pain. As Mr Scorpio said, we have all been through it. You really had a difficult relationship with the distance between you two. That can be hard on anyone because it takes a lot of effort to make it work. You said that you argued a lot and that she lied to you about certain things, when you add in the distance, things just weren't going to work out. It's gonna be hard but you got to be tough because you are going to be hurting for awhile. Post as often as you need to here, it does help.
Author rico strawberry Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the replys and advice guys I really appreciate it. I am sorry for your loss and your pain. As Mr Scorpio said, we have all been through it. You really had a difficult relationship with the distance between you two. That can be hard on anyone because it takes a lot of effort to make it work. You said that you argued a lot and that she lied to you about certain things, when you add in the distance, things just weren't going to work out. It's gonna be hard but you got to be tough because you are going to be hurting for awhile. Post as often as you need to here, it does help. But looking back at it, I feel that I did set myself up for this... I admit that also arguments were brought up by me because of my jealousy and insecurities, as well as hers... but honestly I think I had more of a problem with that... I feel like if I would've treated her better this would've never happened. I still think it's wrong that she didn't even consider me visiting in like 2 weeks; but I did push her sometimes... and knowing that makes me feel so bad. I pushed her away to someone else and that is the worse feeling. Now she is doing EVERYTHING we did together with another guy. and it amazes me how quickly she met this person and started to "really like him". Edited October 7, 2013 by rico strawberry
Reels Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Do whatever pleases you. And drink a lot of Juice, eat your favorite meal.
Author rico strawberry Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 it's over for good ... we just sent our last texts to each other ... the pain is gone but a pure sadness is just numbing it.
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 it's over for good ... we just sent our last texts to each other ... the pain is gone but a pure sadness is just numbing it. I've been there brother. It never gets easier. 1
BlueIvy Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 it's over for good ... we just sent our last texts to each other ... the pain is gone but a pure sadness is just numbing it. Trust me, I've been there, the hurt but in time it does go away. I thought I would be sad forever but then I met a even better man who I was more compatible with. Life goes on.
bolase Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Aww hey there, I understand. What she did and telling you upfront is very cold and blunt force styles to the heart! It doesn't meant she is an awful evil person, but these actions of hers are really cruel. Most likely that is her way of making the decision to move on and letting you know about it - it doesn't mean that she would have dealt with all the emotions and the letting go of someone, it just seems like she's suddenly moved on completely but I promise you that she still cares about and thinks about you. Shes just one of those girls (I'm a girl, by the way) who has to do things first then let her mind follow and catch up with the reality of the situation. So what am I saying.. be angry at the way she acted, rather than at her, if you can. Secondly, when someone gets with someone new, you have to be very strong and do the same - not go out to find someone new, but cut them off coldly. Its the only thing you can do - and since you live apart thats easier. You may be really interested in her life, but pretend you are not, and one day you actually won't be any more. I have managed to not look at my ex's fb for 2 weeks (he invited me to a party and I did look at the event to see who was going, though - ugh, his other ex) and now I dont want to know what he is doing. He's even gone out of his way to tell me as I don't ask any more. But stay strong and find you moments or little experiences of happiness. Whatever they may be. The feeling you are going through is like that fleet foxes song that says you have different personalities inside you - one of them only wants to be someone your ex would admire (ie you try hard to be successful and happy - but for them, always thinking about them, even though youre trying to do good things for yourself too) and one of the personalities inside you just wants to throw that person on the fire ie watch them and your memory of them burn leaving no trace, f*** them, etc. If they were cold to you as your ex was, do that. Good luck and let me know you go. 1
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