wasistlos Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I'll try to be brief: My fiancee and I have been together for almost 2 years, and living together for about a year. Our fights, though they don't happen often, have gradually gotten worse over time. I understand fighting is a normal thing, but these don't feel normal. I am emotionally reduced to rubble, basically. Any time I try to discuss something rationally, like...lack of sex, or money and wanting to save, I am told my feelings are distrustful and childish. During the most recent fight, he outright told me my feelings are wrong and need to be corrected. That has become a theme in our relationship...He corrects me, and teaches me a lesson. He hasn't done anything physical, unless I accidentally bop into him. Like the other night I accidentally poked him in the face, and sincerely apologized....but his response was to flick me back in the mouth, and not as a joke. He then proceeded to call my actions stupid. So, at this point, you can imagine why I want to break up...It wasn't always like this...He is a very, very charming individual, and is usually kind of loving towards me. Everyone who doesn't truly know him absolutely adores him. I was one of those people. I've tried leaving...like after one of our fights, but I can't bring myself to follow through. I don't want to be the kind of person that strings people along, I don't want to be a terrible person, but I feel like I am... Truth is, I'd worry about him. If I were to break up with him, I'd worry he'd have no support system to fall back on. He's cut ties with his parents almost completely...and he has friends, but I don't think he'd be able to lean on them. He doesn't have a very high paying job, and is stuck with debt from school loans. That, and I'd just worry he'd be so alone and sad. I get so sad just thinking about it. What would you do? How can I help him? I was going to leave all the money we've saved with him. It's not much, but it's good to live off for 6 months... Unfortunately, for my sanity's sake, I'm not sure I can stay with him. I can't tell if it's a huge mistake on my part, like I should want to settle down (we're almost 30 btw)...all I know is that I don't feel good when I'm around him, and I can't tell if it's only because I'm just not where I thought I'd be in life or what... The thing is, he's said some really hurtful things in the past...all in response to things I wanted to discuss. Whenever I am seen as not trusting him, it's really hurtful to him. I don't mean to hurt him, ever, and I've always, always apologized. He's not sorry in the least bit, and he proudly admits this. (not kidding). So, that was longer than I thought it'd be...but I could really use some advice.. Thanks guys.
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You are very good to put his needs before your own. But he is not doing the same for you. Your relationship seems to be nearing the point of no return, abuse. I give him a few more arguments and disappointments before he explodes on you. He has successfully manipulated you into believing everything is your fault. This is very unhealthy. As an unbiased stranger I can read the codependency and clinginess. He has you right where he wants you. First you do not need to leave him any money. He is a full grown, working, capable adult male. You don't owe him ANYTHING. he is the one that puts you down, stomps on your heart, and treats you like crap. You know you need to leave him, so why delay? The longer you stay the longer before you heal. Men like him are broken and sick in the head. They love taking a good woman and making her sick like him. Please leave him. Don't worry about him, worry about YOU. You can do better.
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