Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 So here is the story, it's a long one so bear with me: We met when she was 15 and I was 19. We started dating shortly after we met. She won me over, she wanted me from the day we met, and she won me over very effectively. We live an hour and a half away from each other, and for the entirety of our relationship could only see each other usually once every two weekends due to financial situation. Sometimes every weekend, but not often. We got serious pretty fast, we were each others first real relationships. We gave each other our virginity. Right after that happened I freaked out and left her because I was a Christian at the time, and she said she had no interest in being one after I questioned her about it after having sex. We got back together after a week or so, she pretended to be a Christian for a long time until I admitted that my own beliefs changed and then we kinda laughed it off. Afterwards, we had sex pretty much every time we hung out (barring periods, etc. obviously). Our relationship was very passionate and serious. Her parents have never liked me because of the age difference. In late October of last year, we broke up because she was bothered by her family not liking me, the distance between us, and me not holding promises like that I would start exercising and stuff. It was three weeks of hell. And I acted stupidly during it, constantly berating her and telling her off and blaming her. We got back together in mid November. We reconciled nicely, she was sorry for leaving me, I was sorry for letting these get bad between us. She asked me to never let her make the same mistake (leaving me) again. We were good for almost a year after that. Talked all the time about our future together. Wanting kids, talking about proposing, looking up rings, stuff like that. She always enjoyed thinking about our future together, and so did I. However, just this past Tuesday night she texted me saying we needed to talk. Apparently for the past several weeks she has been thinking about whether she wanted our relationship or not. She said she wanted to take a break. There was a fallout that night, I couldn't believe it because of all that we had talked about our future and everything, the amazing sex we had been having lately, and she never let on that things were pushing her away from me. She said again that it was the distance, her family hating me, and this time her being unsure of what she wants to do for college and career and her future coming up after she graduates senior year this year. I tried to manipulate her to change her mind, but gave up. Talked to her again Wednesday morning and begged, I know that those two things are both a big no no and I regret it a lot. And worse, after that we didn't talk until yesterday, and between Wednesday morning and Saturday when she finally let me talk to her, I bombarded her with hundreds of texts and calls and Facebook messages, etc. When we talked yesterday, I begged some more, promised change, told her I would be willing to go as far as therapy to fix some of my issues (temper problems, not being able to follow through with promises which I think now may be tied to minor depression) etc. Again, promising changes, a big no no because she had heard it before a year ago and no results. But last night, and all day today I have decided, and I am dead set on, fixing myself, making myself better. I talked to her earlier today to settle things. we figured out getting my stuff I let her borrow back. Told her I want nothing to do with her anymore unless it is a relationship. No "just friends" bull crap. Told her I am gonna work on bettering myself. Advised her, because I still do and always will love her, not to do anything stupid (rebound dating, etc). Told her that I will not contact her anymore, if she wants to talk, she will contact me. And to further that, I told her not to contact me unless it is in attempt to fix our relationship. Finally, I told her that I love her and always will, and that I am sorry for the things that I did wrong. I plan on following through with this whether she comes back or not. I just want to know the chances if she will or not. Either way, I get her back and we fix and strengthen our relationship better than ever, or I don't and I still become a better person and move on for my future relationships, and not repeat the same mistakes. I can't help but to think, and maybe it is wishful thinking, that the chances are good she will come back to me and try and reconcile. I think this mainly because of how long we were together and how serious our relationship was, and the fact that I was basically the biggest part of her life between when she was 15 to 17 now, a very developmental time. What are your guys' thoughts on my situation?
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Oops, should this thread be here or in Second Chances? Guess it would help if I made sure it is in the right place.
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Does anyone have any input for me
reddragon588 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 It's tough. Distance and family not liking you are going to be things that are really tough on her. The whole talking about the future thing is what happens in all relationships, and it is said in the moment- people can and do change what they want. You would be best served by continuing to use NC and letting her sort out what she wants. If she wants you, she will come back. If not, she won't and you'll have your answer. But to answer your question of whether she'll come back... only she can answer that unfortunately. But you can't spend time worrying about that, because again, she is the only one who can answer it. You can't control the answer so you need to let it be.
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Thanks reddragon. Despite how badly I screwed up throughout the breakup last year and immediately following this breakup, do you think that I ultimately handled it well in the end this time?
reddragon588 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You didn't "screw up", you made mistakes and we all make mistakes. You're doing the right thing by going NC. Use this time to take an inventory of yourself and find ways to improve. Stick to NC and everything will work out for you one way or another. I know it's tough, but this is a situation where you can't control the outcome and you need to just let it play itself out.
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) You met her at 15. There was the first problem. You sound very intelligent and well spoken. Why would you date a girl that age? She was a child. Hey parents dislike for you is because like you said, your ability to manipulate her. The second problem was sex. It would have been best not to have sex, like you initially planned. Why? Because sex changes everything. Mass up down and down up. Makes you beg and plead a 17 year old to stay with you. You may think you love her, but I think you are infatuated. I suggest cutting all contact. You do not want to be the older creeper guy, who can't let go. Friendship will not work either because all those old feeling and memories will be too much. Put all this energy into being better. Workout, take classes, be young! Being tied down at 19 is not smart. There is a big world out there waiting for you! As to will she come back.....probably. But this time do her and yourself a favor and say no. She will thank you for it when she is older. Edited October 7, 2013 by Beautiful diamond 1
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 I know. My brain understands that, it's just that my heart still wants her back, and a part of me always will. I gave everything to her. My virginity, my plans for the future, all of my love and devotion. So it just sucks that this is the state my life is in right now. I know what I need to do and I am going to follow through. I just get these thoughts and hopes that things will work out a certain way (us ending up back together). In the mean time, exercise, healthier diet, better hygiene (acne wash, teeth whitener, flossing, etc), and most importantly working to fix my temper problems and what I believe to be a minor case of depression (it runs in the family). I know that I have to do these things for me, and I want to, but the funny thing is that she is my motivation. All of these flaws I see in myself, I see because of her, and because of how they screwed us over. I am not saying that my flaws are the only things that ruined our relationship, she had her fair share. But I just understand thanks to all this what I need to fix. And ultimately, either we get back together if she so chooses and are stronger than ever thanks to the fixes I am going to make (and will make her as a condition to getting together fix in herself), or I will be a better person anyway, and will be ready to offer a better me to anyone I meet in the future. Sorry for ranting, it just helps to vent, even if it is to random people on a random forum haha. Thanks for your input, it helps 1
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 My last post was to reddragon, your post (Beautiful Diamond) didn't pop up til after I posted. I understand everything you have said, but I can assure you I do love this girl. Or at least, love her by my definition. Which is, I want to have a future, family, etc. with her, and, most importantly, I would die for her if a situation ever came to it. That is being over dramatic I know, but if someone had a gun on us I would offer myself before letting them take her. So to me, that is love. And after all, love is just chemicals in the brain when it comes right down to it, and I certainly got a lot of those chemicals releasing when we had sex, when we planned our future, when I thought of her and how amazing she was all the time. Maybe one day I will look back on it and think it was a childish, immature love. But to me, here and now, I am in love with this girl. As far as cutting contact goes, absolutely. Like I told her earlier today, I will not talk to her unless she contacts me first. And I have no interest in talking to her unless it is in attempt to reconcile our relationship. Being 21 now (I was 19 when we met), I realize I am young, and have a lot of living ahead of me, and there may be someone else for me. I don't see it nor do I want it at this point. I don't know if I would be able to deny her if she did come back and want to fix things. I certainly wouldn't want to. A very large piece of me is and always will be with her. If I can get that back, whether it is the right choice or not, I will ultimately take it. But, like I said to reddragon, if we do get back together, I have learned what I need to fix, I have learned what I can improve and how I would be able to make the relationship stronger, but she would still have her flaws. And, like I said, I would not attempt to fix things myself until I explain what she needs to work on, and what she can fix, because a strong healthy relationship takes two. Thank you for your input, even if I don't agree with some of it. Perhaps with further time and reflection, I will warm up to your ideas.
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Sounds very good. You are growing. But realize she needs to be single and experience life. She may feel she has spent her youth dating and playing house. Understand she needs to find herself and date other people. If she doesn't she will hate you and blame you for not being able to be young.....
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 I guess...it;s just that, she has had a ****ty childhood. She is mature for her age (if a bit hardheaded sometimes). She has been through a lot. Her biological parents are divorced, so when I say parents I mean her dad and step-mom. Her older brother used to molest her when she was around 12 years old, no penetration, just touching. She was a cutter for a time before I met her, she was overweight for a good portion of her early teens. By the time I met her she had already lost about 30 pounds or so, so she had (and still has) a lot of self image problems, despite all of my trying to help her with that. Anyway, my point with all of this is that, I don't want her to go out and experience life more than she already has because I don't want her to get hurt more than she has been before. She told me several months into our relationship that I saved her life, prevented her from committing suicide, and given how **** her childhood was, I can believe it. I don't want to sound selfish by saying I don't want her to go out and make mistakes and experience life, I just know she will inevitably get hurt even more. I care about her so much, I just don't want her to go through more ****. At least with me she had a man who was faithful to her for over two years, a man who always has and always will love her. Is this making any sense :/
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You are a good guy but you must focus on you. She will be ok, but if she is dependent on a man for security she will never be 100%. Think about this, if you act as her parent and treat her like a child what will eventually happen? She will grow up, get better, and leave the nest. She has to find her own path. It may lead to you, it may lead to another guy, but you have to accept that. There are no guarantees in a relationship. You can be the perfect bf but she can still be unhappy. Now is the time to let go, that is true love. Love her from a distance. Holding on too tight will only end in your heartbreak my friend. 1
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 I know that is why I decided to go through with NC. I realized that she wanted out of our relationship, and I didn't (and still don't) want to let her go, but one of us had to give and I new that it had to be me because I love her so much. Obviously, my hope and my desire is that she comes back to me, but my knowledge is that she needs to be left alone and decide for herself. I decided that I have to let her go (with hopes that she comes back), and in so doing let the person who I love more than anything have what they want. I am thinking now-a-days that a year ago when all this happened and she came back, it was because she caved before I did. I was doing stupid things like getting very drunk and chewing her out over the phone, while sober and drunk, begging, pleading, etc. I know that the last year has been amazing, and we shared a lot of good times, a lot of good sex, a lot of love, a lot of happy thoughts, but in the end the only reason we were together is because she caved because of my selfish actions. This time I want to be different. I do obviously want her back, but I will not plead and beg and cry and get dangerously drunk and call her and yell at her and try and force her to give in. If I do end up getting her back this time, I want it to be because she decided to come back after I caved in first and let her go. Again, a lot of ranting on my part, but this is helping me greatly to get my thoughts and feelings out in word form.
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 It's for the best. And talking it out online is way better then letting it fester or telling her. I hope you two work out. But a good break will clear your mind and take off the blinders.
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Damn it, I just thought of something else that had completely left my mind until now. The last time we hung out was last Saturday, the 28th. We had sex twice, the first time I just pulled out and the second time I bare backed it for a while and then put a condom on before I finished. The last time she had her period was a little more than two weeks before that, maybe three. She is not on the pill. So there is the very real possibility that despite the pull out and the condom, she may become pregnant. Say worst comes to worst and she has conceived, and realizes she is pregnant. At that point, what should I do? I obviously would be wiling to raise my child, and I would fight to be a part of the kids life, but what happens if she decides to abort (which I doubt she would do), or still does not want to reconcile things with me? One thing I will not do is pay child support for a child that I am not going to be able to help raise.
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) If she conceives and aborts, all the more reason to cut ties for good. She would be making a very clear point, that she wants nothing to do with you. If she conceives and wants to reconcile be cautious. She may just fear being a single mother, and take advantage of you. Everything will be good while she is pregnant. She will be like her old self, the sex will be good, life is sweet. Then when the baby is born, she's unhappy again, wants to be single, etc. The pregnancy glow and happiness wears off, and old problems resurface. If she conceives and does not want to reconcile you have to accept that part of your relationship is over. Like they say, if you expect the worst from people you will never be disappointed. But now that you are a father you must be there for your child. The baby did not asks to be born. Why punish it due because of your ex. You and her both decided to have unprotected sex, therefore you share equal parenting responsibility, and must accept the consequences regardless of your status. You can't threaten to not be in the child's life if she doesn't want to be with you. If you do this or have this attitude, she will either pretend to want to be with you and leave eventually, or cut you from your both their lives 100%, and find a new man to be with and raise your child.... Leaving you the bad guy, a deadbeat dad, and proving her parents right.... If she has not conceived then you are worrying for nothing. Contrary to popular belief it is not so easy to conceive. She or you may be infertile or incompatible. There are so many things that need to be perfect in order to conceive. Try to keep that as a distant thought, because she very well may not be pregnant. Your only option now, is to wait it out. If you two have conceived you will hear from her and if not you may still hear from her, only time will tell. Don't ask her though because she will think you are making excuses to contact her. Let her make the next moves. This can all end very well if you take a step back. You have shown her how you feel and left the door wide open for reconciliation. She knows where you stand and that you love her dearly Allow her to mature and decide if she wants the same things you do. It's her turn to be proactive, and your turn to be reactive. Let her chase you a bit. Edited October 7, 2013 by Beautiful diamond
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) Thank you diamond, your explanations make a lot of sense. I am still scared of the possibility, especially because I feel like we have had a few close calls in the past. There have been times when she has been late with her period, and then it was very heavy. I feel like it is possible that she has miscarried in at least one of those situations. And when we last had sex, like i said, it was at around the optimal time to conceive during her cycle. Maybe I am just worrying myself too much. The scariest part of it is, a small piece of me hopes she does conceive so that we might get back together. It messed up I know, but it's there, in the back of my head. Edited October 7, 2013 by Dekadin
Author Dekadin Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Also, diamond, in your first reply to my thread at the end, you said she will probably come back to me. What makes you say that and how sure would you say you would be about it? Ultimately, that is what this whole thread is about, so if I could get more input where that is concerned, I would appreciate it
Beautiful diamond Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Also, diamond, in your first reply to my thread at the end, you said she will probably come back to me. What makes you say that and how sure would you say you would be about it? Ultimately, that is what this whole thread is about, so if I could get more input where that is concerned, I would appreciate it Because I can tell you were very good to her. Women never forget. It could be years later, and she will remember the sweet guy that helped turn her life around . If you didn't mistreat her, she just needs to find herself. Once she does that, she will probably want to be the girlfriend you deserve Reconciliation is a BIG possibility.
Author Dekadin Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Damn. Well I did mistreat her a bit. Not directly, but I definitely did things that hurt her. Mainly due to my minor depression. I never followed through with promises, I had temper problems and told her off pretty badly a few times. I didn't handle things well with her family. I was an ******* to her brother-in-law which is kind of what sparked this breakup. And I was manipulative at times. Manipulation is nasty, and often I didn't even realize I was doing it, I am good at it, and I just do it sometimes without thinking or realizing. I never hurt her physically though. I never cheated on her or even thought of doing anything with any other woman, and she knows that. I loved (and still love) her so much it's crazy. I was sweet to her, and did nice and sweet things for her whenever I could. Introduced her to a lot of the things she is into now, which I am hoping is another thing that might get her back. Almost all of the stuff she is into now is from me. She plays Magic the Gathering now, she goes on 4chan all the time, she listens to a **** ton of bands I introduced her too, etc. So that could work to my advantage I imagine. Like I said, with her from 15 to 17, a very developmental part of her life. And I did turn her life around, there is that I saved her from depression (though I fear that my own depression had caused hers to resurface in the end due to the mistakes and complacency I had). I don't know. We will see I guess.
Author Dekadin Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Well, I broke NC. And for the worst of reasons, because I am an insecure and terrible, possessive person. When this started, Tuesday night, I wanted to get onto her Facebook and read her messages to see if I could get some insight into what was going on. Of course, she had already changed her password. But me being the clever little bastard I am, I got into her e-mail associated with her account, by guessing the password right (it was love____ the blank being my name, which actually made me cry like the pathetic pansy I am lol). So, I requested a new FB password, changed it but clicked the option to leave other devises (ie: her phone) logged on. Changed it back to what it was before she changed it. Anyway, I have been periodically watching her messages between one of her close friends, and again looking for insight. Well apparently they had done most of their talking about it in person because I didn't really find anything useful except that she was hanging out with a guy from her Magic the Gathering group. Which upset me a bit. But that was before the previous time I had talked to her and I confronted her indirectly about it, without hinting I had been on her FB. Just brought up the topic of other guys and if she was interested in him. She told me no, but I was still suspicious a little. But I was on there tonight snooping around some more and saw that she had messaged the friend about him again this time saying that they were just holding hands and hugging sometimes, but that she really wants to **** him. This set me off like no other. I got pissed and texted her. Immediately after I was logged out of her FB because she changed the pass again obviously. I texted her a few angry texts, apologized and asked to talk because I know that, despite my initial reaction and anger, that she is doing something that is very easy to do, and I shouldn't be so pissed at her. I FB messaged her a few times, apologized for being on her FB, asking to talk so she could tell me what as going on, etc. She said she wasn't mad that I was on her Facebook, and that she doesn't really want to have sex with the guy, stating that he is an "awkward virgin" and its just an inside joke between her and her friend. We talked on FB for a while tonight. It actually went very well I think, Until the end where I got stupid about it. Let my feelings get the better of me. But here is the conversation, unedited in all of its glory, or horror, whichever one. ME You getting my texts? I know you got my texts ____. What do you have to say for yourself? Jesus ____. Can you answer me. Don't turn your phone off. I love you to much to just stand back and let you make this mistake Dont do this to yourself _____. You are better than that. At least, the _____ I knew was better than that... Are you gonna be strong and focus on fixing things and truly moving on, being better. Or are you going to be weak and give in to your urges for an immediate comfort. Thats up to you. I want to see you make the right choice, i dont even care if whether or not you end up wanting me back in the future, its beyond that. And at this point, i dont want you back. But i still love and care about you enough that i dont want you to make this mistake Then again maybe you need this. Maybe you need to **** up. Maybe you need to make this mistake now, so you learn from it and dont **** up again in the future. Ya know what, go for it. **** him, give in to your weaknesses. Make the mistake. Whether you learn from it or not we will see. I have made my mistakes with you and learned from them. Maybe you have to make yours. But if you do **** him, there is not a chance in Hell we will ever end up back together. Even when it innevitably comes to the moment when you beg and cry and tell me you made a mistake If you want to talk on the phone to tell me off, tell me to go away, tell me you hate me, tell me everything pent up inside, go for it. It would be therapeutic for you. I will listen Despite everything that has and anything that will happen, i do still and always will love you. So i am just trying to help. This is about me wanting you back anymore either, dont get me wrong Im done with that I just kind of want to hear your point of view and your mindset. Let you get it off your shoulders So, wanna talk? HER I'm not mad at you ____. i dont really know what to think though. and i didnt actually mean that i want to **** him. its sort of an inside joke because he is an awkward virgin. just, stay off my facebook please, my private messages are none of your bussiness ME I know, and I am sorry. I just, like I said, dont want to see you make mistakes. And idk, it didnt look like a joke. And i know a part of your probably does, because humans seek physical comfort when things like this happen. I just care about you. You understand that right? HER i know ____. i understand. ME You were the biggest part of my life for over two years, the one i shared the most with, gave evrything to. I just dont want you to hurt yourself worse than i already did I am sorry for everything _____. Do you believe me? I still would like to hear your input over the phone. Hell, it may just be an excuse because my subconscious wants to hear your voice, i wont lie. Like i said before, no more manipulation But i just want you to tell me your view, your thoughts, your fealings on everythinf **** i camt type on my phone Do you have a few minutes? Dont feel pressured at all. Its entirely up to you. Like i said, i think it would be therapeutic for you to vent. Tell me off. Idk, just say whatever needs to be said, if anything. If not, then dont worry about it. Just tryin to help is all Plus i wont lie to you, there are things i would like to say. Nothing hurtful i promise. HER im sorry, i dont really want to talk. youre the one that told me that you didnt want me to talk to you unless it was to fix our relationship ME I know _____. I hate being so wishy washy. Im sorry I am still hurting. And i still care about you. Guess i let it get the better of me I just want to tell you one more thing i guess. I can say it over fb if ya want but it means a lot and i would rather say over the phone. Its not i love you or i am sorry either, so dont worry there HER okay ME Phone or fb? HER facebook ME Okay. Thank you _____. Thank you first off for everything we shared. Thank you for the good times, thank you for everything that I will hold as good, happy memories. But mostly, thank you for helping me see where I am flawed. Thank you for helping me see the worst in myself, and come to understand I have these issues. Thank you for showing me what I need to fix. Amd thank you for, even if this is damn well not the way i would prefer it, giving me the motivation to finally do something about it all. I am going to try to get on a light anti-depressant because I believe many of my problems stem from minor depression. And I am going to take care of my health. Thank you for helping me see what needs to be fixed. Thank you _____. HER you're welcome ____. and i'm sorry it had to happen this way, but I guess it was for the best. ME I think so to now. And who knows, you may not think so, and even I am not sure, but maybe we will be able to work everything out in the future as better, happier, stronger people. If we ever do talk again, I will be a better man thanks to you. And _____, I just thought of something else to say, so I guess I lied about one more thing haha HER what's that? ME I want to give you some advise. Take it or leave it, its just my opinion, and its just the way I see things but in order for it to have any relevance, it will have to be something that you think as well HER sure ME I just basically want to point out some things that I saw as flaws in you. That sounds harsh, and mean to say, but like I said, just trying to help, and it's just my opinion. Maybe you will agree and maybe you wont. First, I think that you really should work on your confidence and self image. You have always struggled with body image issues, and it always bothered me. You really need to work on understanding and knowing that you are beautiful. Like, insanely beautiful. You are a gorgeous woman, with natural beauty, and I think it would help you a lot to really know that and think that yourself. Second, I think that you would benefit greatly by working on your communication. It always bothered me that you didn't talk. Like you said, for the past month or whatever you had these thoughts of leaving and stuff, yet you never brought it up until the last second when it was too late to fix things. And you did that a lot in our relationship. I think it would help you to learn to communicate your thoughts, feelings, problems, and things better, and immediately. Don't let them fester. That is why right now you are so focused on what was bad in our relationship. By working on these two things, I think you could become a much stronger and happier, and over all better person. For you, and for anyone you may get with in the future. HER yeah. i understand. i know i have these problems. the self image thing isnt going to be helped much because im a female and modern standards. but i do need to work on my communication. i dont like confrontation. and thanks, im not offened or anything. i appreciate your honesty ME No problem _____. And I know, the self image thing may always be an issue because of that. But at least try to get the body you want and be comfortable with yourself. No thigh gaps though, that's too much! lol. Anyway, take care _____. Sorry again about the Facebook invasion. It was wrong of me. See there is another flaw I can fix, I am too possessive HER its fine ____. im used to it. i wasnt even phased. ME Ouch, that hurt _____ I am sorry... HER im sorry ME well let me copy and paste what i was working on before that haha And hey, I do want you to know that my offer will stand for a very long time to reconcile and fix things between us, and I still mean that in the sense of a relationship, not a friendship. Even if you do get with somebody else, and even if you do get physical with them. It would be very hard for me to get past that, but I would be willing to in order to start over new with you. And anything in the future would be exactly that. New. Not a continuation, because we will both hopefully be better, stronger people. Our past is behind us now and we have both hopefully learned what we need to learn from it. It would be nice to one day start over with you, but that is going to be up to you, and for me to just wait and see if it happens HER yup. maybe one day. ya never know. but in the mean time, we just need to focus on ourselves. and stay off my facebook ya butt ME And if not, I am sure I could find another lady to share my fixed up and better self with (though a part of me will always remain with you, of course) No'm I mean, of course I will stay off your facebook :B HER yes'm ME no but seriously, just in case i feel tempted again I had better tell you how i managed to in the first place haha see, at least you still are able to joke around with me, call me a butt and stuff. I will take that to mean all hope is not lost HER yeah. im pretty sure i changed my password ME you did lol but i am a clever nigger HER what the **** ME tee hee HER email? ME i tried getting on with fallenroses and wham-o ****in not the right one anymore :0 so yes, i got on to your email haha ya know what your password is? HER thats what i figured i changed it again ME no, not on facebook, on email HER and i changed that too ME and i know, i tried watching your messages to see how you reacted and what you told _________ and it booted me off saying i needed to log in the email password was love____ HER i know ME it actually made me cry when it let me on haha i am so pathetic maybe i should be featured in a beta thread Hey _____, can I ask you to make me a promise. I know that that might be pushing it a little, and I would understand if you don't want to But I think it would be a decent one to follow through on, another piece of advice per se And I will make the same promise to you if you agree to it HER whats that? ME I know that this might be hard, and it will undoubtedly be hard for me as well, but I would ask you to promise not to get into another relationship for at least 3 months and if you promise me that, I will promise it right back and more than that during that 3 months, focus on yourself work out, hang with friends figure out college, your future just do you for a while HER i guess. i can try my best. but i cant say no if a guy i like asks me out ME Of course you can _____, you just have to have the strength to know that it would be better for both of you to say no It might not make sense, but think about it this way HER i guess ME Despite how you feel now, that you "know you dont want me back" and such, things may change in a month. Don't drag an innocent person into your life right now because it is possible and very likely that it will just cause more hurt for you and for them I know I wouldnt want to hook up with a girl a month from now and be dating a while and then have you contact me and try to fix things HER i know ME because it would **** everything up even more lol See, this is something else you can work on. Learn to tell people no. Learn to be strong and come to terms with the fact that the hard thing may be the right thing HER i guess so ME I have come to terms with that myself as far as me and you go. Obviously I dont want to cut communication with you, I would still like to be your friend at least, but I know despite that being what I would want, I have to do the right thing And I am not telling you not to flirt with other guys, not to hang out with other guys, not to get some good guy friends. By all means, flirt a little, it will help build your confidence and keep yourself busy with your new magic friends HER haha you too ____ ME having that hobby will be good for you, getting out every weekend me too what? HER flirt with some ladies and do some hobbies ME yeah I am planning on it HER gettin all the bitches ME i wont let myself get into anything serious with a lady obviously, because i dont want to cause them needless hurt which is something I really, REALLY want you to think about if another guy asks you out any time soon would you really want to put them through your stage in life right now? HER no'm ME a fresh breakup after two years of sharing everything, giving everything, etc and besides like you said, and maybe it was an excuse and i wouldnt blame ya for using one to try and get away from my old depressed, promise breaking, angry self you have to focus on your future figure out college. dont get distracted by a new relationship right now lol I hope I am not coming across as trying to be controlling or anything HER yeah, im gonna try not to. college stuff is really stressing me out i know you just want what is best for me, but in the end, im the one that makes the choices for myself ME Dont say it like that, dont say try ____ say you WILL make the right choices be strong be a champ HER im a weiner ME and i know, you have to decide to do all of this obviously i just really desperately want you to do the right things. which is, primarily, not falling into a rebound relationship haha like i said, give it at least 3 months HER eeeeeeeyup ME after that time, if you are truly over me, and if you have worked on bettering yourself, then go for it and whoever you get with will be a damn lucky man to get the girl I knew, only better HER thanks for the permission ____ ME hey now suggestion* HER sure sure sure ME _____ i need your opinion on something HER whats that? ME well, first off, do you want to make that promise? do we want to promise each other no rebound dating and working on ourselves? i am willing to make that promise, and truly adhere to it, truly mean it. Would you be? i would understand if you dont. being bound to a promise to me after everything its up to you HER ____, that is up to you what you do. im not going to tell you to promise me anything because that isnt fair to either of use. we are supposed to be trying to move on right now. and plus i dont want to make premeditated choices for you, which is what that promise would do ME i know _____, i am sorry. you are right i guess, i am just scared for you and your well being right now HER so it is all just for me? ME i dont want you to get hurt by making the wrong choices, even if they are easy to make or seem right idk. mostly yes but i wont lie to you a part of me hopes that if you take it easy for a while things might work out between us after all see the thing is that is what my heart wants but my head wants to work on me, move on etc i am torn so yes, it is all for you in my head but a piece of me, a piece of my heart, will always want you back and hope it happens i dont want to lie to you and i want to be entirely open, so there it is but i do truly still love and care about. and i do want what is best for you HER i know. i understand. i kinda feel the same way, but i dont want to get your hopes up or anything because i dont know what to do ME well _____ like i said, if we do get back together, if we get back together tomorrow or 3 months from now, like i said, it will be a fresh start. please do at least keep that in mind HER yup ME you wont be coming back to the depressed, tempermental, promise breaking old ____ you would be coming back to everything that was good, plus everything that i am fixing now or is fixed then HER thats good to know ME and i know that you may be sitting there agreeing with some things i am saying, acting happy, acting like there may be a chance and things might work out, but you are actually sitting there getting annoyed and not believing a word i say i wouldnt blame you for that after everything i have done to you after all the manipulation, the temper, the broken promises damn it _____ i am starting to tear up thinking about how much of an ******* i was to you right under my own nose, not even seeing it i am such a pansy haha i am a sensitive, delicate flower but im not gay, dont take that the wrong way HER haha **** off ____ ME werblerbler jerbler _____ can you give me some brutal honesty. can you answer me very truthfully. do you believe that i understand my flaws, am willing to change them, and will make damn sure i follow through this time? HER yeah, you have an honest understanding on what needs to be fixed. but i dont know how im supposed to help you with that if i never was able to before ME you werent able to before because i didnt see it and didnt think there was anything to fix obviously i knew i was a promise breaker and had temper problems but i never really, and i mean REALLY, tried to fix it HER but we talked about it many times and you admitted that you needed to fix it ME oh and i am fat and i never really tried to fix that either i know _____ i know. but words and actuons are different HER i know ME i never took the innitiative HER you started, but never finished ME which is what i am doing now. i jogged two miles yesterday i jogged for most of it and only walked a couple minutes of it felt damn good HER proud of you thats more than i have even been able to do ME well get your ass moving then lol oh and as far as that goes, the staritng and not finishing i truly believe now that the reason i would start things and not follow through is because of depression i think i really do have minor depression i think i have told you i might before and that it runs in the family but i think i literally probably do HER yeah, i think so too. and it runs in my family as well ME and it cause me to do things that i have done. it cause me to **** everything up thats why like i said on saturday i would be willing to do therapy, and like i said today i am thinking about going to a doctor to get on an anti-depressant because depression sucks ass it has caused me to be a tempermental ******* and to make promises, get discouraged when i start, and not be able to follow through i work out for a week or less, get in the mind set of **** this, i cant do it, get depresed about itm and give up and that is something i know now that i need to address so earlier when you mentioned me starting and not going through with it well that is why, i think HER probably. my reason is that im lazy and i dont want to because i can just sit on mah butt instead. maybe that too ME haha, well i think i have a case of the lazies as well but ya know what that probably stems form the same problem depression isnt just being sad and discouraged and upset about things HER depression causes faitgues ME it literally makes you tired, unmotivated, etc yup HER i spelt it wrong ME so i think that is why i like to sit my big fat ass on this big comfy chair lol and i also thing that because of the depression, which cause my temper problems, i was unwilling to ever try and fix things with your family i thought **** it, there isnt anything i can do and i think that my bitterness towards your parents, and being pissed at ____, was because i was at the bottom of my feelings with the situation like, **** it all hope is lost so i will cover it up by being an ass to ____ and talking trash about your parents etc ya know it was a defensive thing for my own emotions i think and i didnt consider yours at all like the inconciderate ******* i can be HER its okay ____. all of that is behind us. dont even think about it, it doesnt matter now ME but it does to me still. it is the main factor in me losing you how can i not let it bother me HER because youre supposed to be moving on and bettering yourself ME i guess it ****ing sucks because that is what i know is right, and what i need to do, but its not what i want i want my _____ back ya know like i said earlier, its a struggle between the head and the heart hey _____ HER yeah? ME if i were to say that what i truly wanted. what the thing that i would be the most amazing thing to happen to me, that what i want more than anything else right now, would be for us to get back together, start fresh with everything we have learned, and help each other work on fixing ourselves, help each other be better, and happier, help each other figure out the future, etc. what would you say to that. dont sugar coat anything, just what would you say to that more brutal honesty i wont beg i wont call you crying none of that HER just not right now ME okay. is it something that might happen after we take a bit to cool down? HER i dont know ME is it something that you want at all? even if it is a just a little bit HER i dont know right now ____ ME i guess that is better than a no... sorry for doing this to you i just had to know then can i say something else, very forward, no hiding it, no saying it in a different way entirely open and transparent ? still there? ah crap i probably scared ya away huh sorry _____ well hey can i show ya something on the internet it is something that helped me a ton, and let me vent, let me get my feelings and thoughts out, and get some feedback you might be able to benefit from the site as well if you decide to use it *cough* *cough* lol there is something important we need to discuss that i keep forgetting about. Its only a possibility, but we still need to discuss it I think, so that we are both clear on it. just whenever ya have more time, message me and i will let ya know what its about. oh and _____, i am sorry for asking to get back together so soon. i will back off for at least a week or two before even considering the question again or longer if you think itd be better good night, and sleep good. i am glad we talked, it went pretty well for the most part and i feel it was helpful and cheered me up a bit peace! So that's that. Yeah I said some stupid stuff in the beginning and end. The website I was gonna show her was this one. The important thing I want to address is the possibility of pregnancy and what she will do if that happens. If we talk more some time we will see how that conversation goes. Hopefully she will just say she is on her period and that will be the end of that lol. But anyway, how would someone with an outside opinion say this conversation went, and if it implies a good chance of getting together again. I am a biased source when I say I really think and hope so obviously, so someone else's judgement would help. If anyone made it this far, thank you for reading through that and if you reply thank you for the input
reddragon588 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Well, I broke NC. And for the worst of reasons, because I am an insecure and terrible, possessive person. When this started, Tuesday night, I wanted to get onto her Facebook and read her messages to see if I could get some insight into what was going on. Of course, she had already changed her password. But me being the clever little bastard I am, I got into her e-mail associated with her account, by guessing the password right (it was love____ the blank being my name, which actually made me cry like the pathetic pansy I am lol). So, I requested a new FB password, changed it but clicked the option to leave other devises (ie: her phone) logged on. Changed it back to what it was before she changed it. I didn't read the whole thing. I got here and was like really dude? You need to look into therapy, because this is not healthy behavior for you or her.
Author Dekadin Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Ironically enough, I actually mentioned to her that it is something I might look into. That or anti-depressants, because as I have realized lately, all of my problems stem from depression. I hate myself for doing it, I just kinda do it despite knowing it is wrong and stupid. Please don't judge me, not like it matters on an anonymous forum, but ya know. I understand it is pathetic and stupid of me. I get that. And I am going to do something, be it therapy or pills, to fix it.
sealyons Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I think you did the right thing on your decision but you gotta be open and accepting if she doesn't come back. Better start moving on cos like you said, it would do you good.
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