Are we really changing OR would would we really just flip.

[all_cats_rgray]

I feel like I'v changed, BUT do you think if your ex came back would you have to guts to say NO.

[Beautiful diamond]

I wouldn't say no, because he could not get a response from me. I learned my lesson.

[todreaminblue]

He wouldn't even ask, unless i were to make a move.......he knows he messed up badly and what we had is gone.......because if it wasnt gone i would have let him know..i have always been honest i sent a closure letter and we have children together so we talk often..i can always tell when he feels nostalgic adn i normally steer the conversation away.....if he were to ask to coem back which i doubt......i would explain that its gone....my heart has moved on......i think it would be quite a lot easier to go back to him...he knows me my past everything about me but......it doesnt mean it would be right to go back...he si with someone else who loves him i am sure........i have to move forward and let sleeping dogs lie.............deb

[seahawker64]

I think I could say no to her. It would be hard as hell, but for me the trick would be not seeing her in person. If I didn't have to look in her eyes and tell her I can't do it, I would be fine.

 

I just would have to remind myself that I've read this book before and I know how it ends..over and over again.

[Salvatore85]

I would say no. Not because I don't love her or want her anymore but because I finally understand that I need to do what's best for me.

[Chris715]

I would definitely cave and respond if she reached out right now. I'm having a hard enough time as it is keeping myself from contacting her. I'd like to think a year from now I'll have moved on and couldn't care less if she reached out or not, but who knows.

[Mz_sassy_77]

Mine wouldnt have the guts to contact me again. He'd worry how that looked to other people, that he regretted it, made a mistake, etc.

 

I am upset about it and do miss him...but I would never take him back again. I think he's an arsehole and regret wasting so much time on him in the first place.

[lookingforbalance]

I would have taken her back at any time, tried to make it work until the end of time...then she jumped into a relationship with a good friend of mine. That put an exclamation point on the end of the relationship. If I accepted her back now, I lose any self respect that I have left and am working to rebuild, that cost is too high.

I still love her and her daughters, but couldn't pay that price. I believed 1000% she was the one for me until she did this, now I have to move on, no matter how I felt about any future together.

She would never ask anyway, way too prideful and worried about what her fake friends think of her.

63 days since breakup, 30 days since NC started, my choice.

Don't throw away your progress.

[AllTooWell]

Yes, and I did. After months of feeling like no matter what I would take him back, when the time actually came, I knew I couldn't just jump back into something with someone who had hurt me so badly.

[Never Again]

I would have taken her back at any time, tried to make it work until the end of time...then she jumped into a relationship with a good friend of mine. That put an exclamation point on the end of the relationship. If I accepted her back now, I lose any self respect that I have left and am working to rebuild, that cost is too high.

I still love her and her daughters, but couldn't pay that price. I believed 1000% she was the one for me until she did this, now I have to move on, no matter how I felt about any future together.

She would never ask anyway, way too prideful and worried about what her fake friends think of her.

63 days since breakup, 30 days since NC started, my choice.

Don't throw away your progress.

 

I hope to get to your point soon.

 

I wanted to work on it no matter what, and would still take her back.

 

Problem is, she's chasing some guy that lives 3000 miles away now. They'll meet at business trips once every month or two beginning next week, so she'll have a FWB situation to tide her over.

 

She threw me away for a random, noncommittal lay. I'm less interesting to her than someone she could never have. Taking her back would be a sign of weakness I think.

[lookingforbalance]

Pfenixphire, you don't need it. She threw away someting close so she could chase a fantasy of an LDR? She doesn't want you, hate to be brutal, but I toyed with the false feeling that she wanted me at some deep level as well, after it was all over. If you can force yourself to stand back from the emotion, even briefly, and look at the situation as it truly is, you will see that they didn't stay for a reason - they don't want to be with us. They had their chance, we were willing to work through anything, they chose to leave. It took me the better part of two months to accept that, but once I did, it gave me a crapload of my power back from her.

I still have days, even moments every day, that is horribly sad and paintful, but I chose to accept that sadness and pain, go through it, and come out the other end a better person. I have since evaluated the relationship, accepted the responsibility of my mistakes in it, and believe that it will get better every day. I will use all I have learned to better choose my next partner and be a better partner in my next relationship.

Hang in there, it will get better my brother, just work on accepting it for what it actually is, not what you want it to be.

See if you can find some of taramaiden's advice in these forums, her thoughts have helped me immensely.