cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Hi all! First post here. My ex gf (well, fiancee) left me as I wanted to wait another year to get married (we were in debt and I wanted to give her a special day, so I asked if we could postpone) She's now engaged to somebody else, they knew each other when we were together and officially got together just 2 weeks after we split Then they got engaged 3 months into their relationship. All is fine and dandy between them, apparently, from friends who still have her on fb, she's often banging on about how much she loves her new partner....the love of her life...she even has a name tattoo! Meh. Anyway - she sent me some nasty emails 5 months ago, really ranting at me for wanting to wait another year to get married, saying I broke her heart, she can never forgive me etc. (even though she was at this point happily engaged to her new partner!) I went No Contact after that as I was still devastated - I never thought we'd split up, I thought we'd grow old together. It was a knee jerk reaction of hers I feel, leaving me. (we'd only been together 10 months) Anyway - so, silence for 5 months. Nothing, after ignoring her angry emails back in May. Then on Friday night, she emailed me out of the blue and all it said was "just so you know, I miss you sometimes and hope you're ok". I just wondered why she would do this. If she's so loved up with her new partner...? We will NEVER get back together, I could never trust her, but I'm wary as to what her aim is with sending something like that. I mean, she's loved up with her new partner. So why rake up the past? If you have any insight, I'd be grateful. Should I be anticipating further contact, or maybe it was just a blip?
Sneaky Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I'm just guessing but her intention might have not gone beyond getting you confused and having her on your mind again. If you don't see yourself getting back together then there is no reason to respond or continue thinking about it. I hope you find some peace of mind.
Author cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thank you Sneaky I will never love anyone the way I loved her. I would have moved mountains. So yes, in some ways I am glad she "misses me sometimes" because the pain was so great I thought I'd die when she left me. But we could never get back together....ever. Far too much pain on both sides. It just makes me nervous as to why she'd email that. I hate what I don't understand....!
veggirl Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 She is probably getting cold feet in her new relationship which is making her nostalgic. I mean engaged to a dude she has been dating 3 mos? She jumped in fast and is now regretting it. Too bad she got that tattoo lol. 3
Author cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thanks veggirl Part of me hopes their honeymoon period is over (I know I shouldn't feel that way, but there was so much deceit, so many lies towards the end, I am pretty sure she was cheating on me with the new partner). The other part of me hopes she'll be happy now, so she will stay away from me! Thank you for replying with your view
BC1980 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 It might be simple curiosity, or she is seeing if you are still there. It will hurt her ego if you don't respond. She just can't leave well enough alone apparently. I would definitely not answer her.
Author cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 I think the thing that confuses me most is how stubborn she is.... I NEVER thought I'd get an email from her 5 months after ignoring the "nasty" ones! She is somebody who'll never say sorry - for her to say "I miss you sometimes" is a massive thing for her. Oh well.
Antares Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 So. You dated her for 10 months, got engaged and when you said let's wait one more year to pay off our debts and then have a really great wedding...she broke up with you. Then. 2 weeks later she's hooked up with a new guy and then 3 months after is engaged to him. Dude. I'm not going to say what's right and wrong. Everyone can fall in love in any time frame, but all that just seems so, so fast. I mean, in one year she's been engaged to two different people that she didn't even know a year ago. Besides the money issue, you're not wrong at all for wanting to wait a year to get married. That actually seems like a very healthy mentality. I think you dodged a bullet, man. It seems like she's just very intent on getting married, right now, right this second for whatever reason. (How old are you two?) And I have a feeling that once she marries this new guy it won't last and they'll be divorced soon after. 3
Author cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Yep, you understood it exactly right. Correct. It was fast but I truly thought I'd found my soulmate...how stupid I was! She is 29 and I am 33, I don't really do relationships, I'm always single...so I was really happy and excited when I thought I'd found the one! (I know that it all seems incredibly stupid of me to outsiders!) I agree, I dodged a bullet. At first I was gutted about it all and hated the new partner she'd met, but I actually should be saying a big thank you to the new fiancee - for the new fiancee jumped in front of me and took that bullet!
Chi townD Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 She emailed you that because she was feeling guilty. She has someone and is about to marry him. She knows she left you high and dry. So, she's starting to feel guilty about it. Ignore it. Write her off and the money that you were saving for the wedding, take it and go on vacation.
Author cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thanks Chi - if only I had the money! Unfortunately I lent her money for a new car and then she vanished and moved away - owing me $3000....so yeah. That made her email even worse! Seems she has conveniently forgotten the loan...yet she has money for her upcoming wedding, it makes me sick!
Antares Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Yep, you understood it exactly right. Correct. It was fast but I truly thought I'd found my soulmate...how stupid I was! She is 29 and I am 33, I don't really do relationships, I'm always single...so I was really happy and excited when I thought I'd found the one! (I know that it all seems incredibly stupid of me to outsiders!) I agree, I dodged a bullet. At first I was gutted about it all and hated the new partner she'd met, but I actually should be saying a big thank you to the new fiancee - for the new fiancee jumped in front of me and took that bullet! 29 huh? Sounds like she wants, maybe desperately, to be married before she's 30. I'm glad you realized all of this. Yeah, don't write her back at all. She doesn't deserve a polite remark. 1
devilish innocent Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I agree with Antares. All she seems to care about is being married right now for all the wrong reasons, and it's doubtful her marriage would last. You dodged a big bullet with that one. I wouldn't worry about the $3000 you lent her. They might not even end up having a wedding. If they do, the problems they'll have to deal with will be a lot more serious than just $3000. That actually seems like a very small price to pay in order to be rid of her. I think she sent the last message because she was having a bad night and missing you. Given that it came on a Friday night, I'm wondering if she may have been drunk? I wouldn't really expect anything more. Just in case, though, you might want to check if there is a way to block her e-mail so she doesn't try to come back into your life.
Author cherry_cola Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Thank you Devilish (awesome name btw) She doesn't drink (or didn't when I knew her, who knows now!) and it was quite early on a Friday evening, with no typos, so I don't think she was drunk, but who knows! I'm really proud of myself for not replying! And you're so right - if their marriage goes wrong, her poor new fiancee will have a lot more to deal with than I did!
hotpotato Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 She sounds kind of wreckless, like she is rebounding from one guy to another. A lot of times people are accustomed to a certain level of intimacy. They will end one relationship, then the next one moves at the speed of lightning. For example, if one relationship was slow moving, the next one moves very fast. If it takes months or years to get engaged, in the rebound relationship it takes weeks or months. Even if they dont know this person, they convince themselves they are in love with the new partner. People have hopes and dreams. They switch people but not the hopes and expectations. 1
Beautiful diamond Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 She sounds kind of wreckless, like she is rebounding from one guy to another. A lot of times people are accustomed to a certain level of intimacy. They will end one relationship, then the next one moves at the speed of lightning. For example, if one relationship was slow moving, the next one moves very fast. If it takes months or years to get engaged, in the rebound relationship it takes weeks or months. Even if they dont know this person, they convince themselves they are in love with the new partner. People have hopes and dreams. They switch people but not the hopes and expectations. Words of wisdom
reddragon588 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Dude, I have to say... this chick sounds like bad news. I know that sometimes it works out when people get engaged after short periods of time like that, but she just seems extremely codependent and desperate to get married for self-validation. She sounds like she is very self-conscious and was likely emailing you to see if you are upset at her or not. She probably can't stand the idea of someone not liking her.
oracle Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I would ignore it and continue to ignore it. She sounds like a hot mess. Was only with you 10 months, and wanted to get married right away? then leaves you for another guy and is engaged within 3 months? The email she sent its proof she is all over place. She sounds like a young imature cow. Bullet dodged. Be happy Hi all! First post here. My ex gf (well, fiancee) left me as I wanted to wait another year to get married (we were in debt and I wanted to give her a special day, so I asked if we could postpone) She's now engaged to somebody else, they knew each other when we were together and officially got together just 2 weeks after we split Then they got engaged 3 months into their relationship. All is fine and dandy between them, apparently, from friends who still have her on fb, she's often banging on about how much she loves her new partner....the love of her life...she even has a name tattoo! Meh. Anyway - she sent me some nasty emails 5 months ago, really ranting at me for wanting to wait another year to get married, saying I broke her heart, she can never forgive me etc. (even though she was at this point happily engaged to her new partner!) I went No Contact after that as I was still devastated - I never thought we'd split up, I thought we'd grow old together. It was a knee jerk reaction of hers I feel, leaving me. (we'd only been together 10 months) Anyway - so, silence for 5 months. Nothing, after ignoring her angry emails back in May. Then on Friday night, she emailed me out of the blue and all it said was "just so you know, I miss you sometimes and hope you're ok". I just wondered why she would do this. If she's so loved up with her new partner...? We will NEVER get back together, I could never trust her, but I'm wary as to what her aim is with sending something like that. I mean, she's loved up with her new partner. So why rake up the past? If you have any insight, I'd be grateful. Should I be anticipating further contact, or maybe it was just a blip? 1
Author cherry_cola Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Thank you so much all - I know I'm a good person - I never cheated or lied. But she made me feel so worthless, and I appreciate you taking the time to remind me I'm better off now
headinthecloud Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Thank you so much all - I know I'm a good person - I never cheated or lied. But she made me feel so worthless, and I appreciate you taking the time to remind me I'm better off now You deserve someone who reciprocates the love and respect you demonstrate. She is out there and she's looking for you too.
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