Daisy2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 (edited) My question is why, if broken up because the MM or MW decided to honor their commitment, no matter how unhappy they are, still tell the ex-AP how much they love them. Why do they force themselves to call weekly to just check in to ask how the AP is "really doing," and proceed to admit how unhappy they are, that nothing hat home has changed, and that they dream of them. But that they cannot see each other because of their choice to remain in M. Why not just cut contact and let AP go? If they have moved on, what's the point? Thanks. Edited October 6, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Daisy2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thank you. It is just so confusing. He is the type that once he's made up his mind, he sticks with it. He has stuck with not seeing, except for once 2 weeks ago, and he reached out and kissed me on the lips. I didn't reach out. I don't see the point. We've never slept together. It is how he keeps going, doing everything but.
thecharade Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Different APs, different reasons. There are two kinds: in it because they honestly feel things they shouldn't, or narcissist types that thrive on attention (and need lots, so the BS will always be married to a cheater). I guess there's also a third type: need attention because they've never gotten much, not much interest or opportunity. If this is their first big chance for outside female attention, they are not quick to give it up. You really need to decide which guy your AP is to know why he writes. Honestly, it doesn't matter. My AP loves me, always has. No doubt. But he is not capable of handling a divorce, so even his "love" can't/won't carry us through to anything respectable. Your AP is going to hurt you even more than you hurt right now. Unless you walk away. I wish it wasn't a fact, but it is. Men are very practical. His love for you won't matter. Good luck. 1
KentuckyGent Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Selfishness, narcissism, sociopathy, manipulative behavior, cake eating. . . . . Just to name a few. 1
Author Daisy2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Thank each of you for your replies. I will consider all said. The practical issue rings true for sure. In my case, he doesn't want to lose what he has worked for as he lost a lot in a previous divorce. He also loves his step-daughter and would obviously no longer have a R with her if he left. They do not have kids together, his are grown and her daughter just left for college. She wasn't even nice to his kids and it caused a lot of friction. I believe too that he loves his wife. I also believe he may be calling so as not to be the "bad guy" and will eventually stop. I mean, just how many times can he ask me the same questions.... I'm tiring of it as well. You want to move on, move on.
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Ego feed, habit of attention and feelings felt during the A, many say it's addictive (on both sides) and hard to give up. Could be many reasons, but if an A is really over and NC is in place, if either one reaches out, the other person can ignore and not react. 1
velvette Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 My question is why, if broken up because the MM or MW decided to honor their commitment, no matter how unhappy they are, still tell the ex-AP how much they love them. Why do they force themselves to call weekly to just check in to ask how the AP is "really doing," and proceed to admit how unhappy they are, that nothing hat home has changed, and that they dream of them. But that they cannot see each other because of their choice to remain in M. Why not just cut contact and let AP go? If they have moved on, what's the point? Thanks. Backup plan. Many men who cheat are emotionally immature and lazy and don't want to do the work necessary to maintain a healthy R. Chances are that's one of the reasons they are cheating to begin with. They know at some level their chance of being happy in their M is low because of this. They also don't want to be alone or without access to someone to meet their primary needs.....usually sex, ego stroking, etc. Backup plan in case Plan A fails. 1
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