Devastated. 15 years down the drain.

[HeartinPain]

We were together for nearly 15 years. We were high school sweethearts and now 31 (me) and 32 (him). We supported each other through everything. The last 2 years had been hard for both us with lack of direction career wise and I started to suffer from depression with my situation at home. This year things were looking up for us and he had found a new job and I wanted to go back to school. We started discussing marriage and everything was looking great until this past August when he started getting close with his coworker (24) who started working there in July. The coworker is considered the complete opposite of me.

 

A major source of my insecurities with our relationship was that I always felt he hid me. I think maybe he was embarrassed for being in a relationship for so long with one girl. He would say it was because he is a "private" person and doesn't want the world knowing his business but I really do not believe that, but I never felt the need to press the subject since I felt he did want to marry me.

 

In August he started getting close with his coworker who had a long distance boyfriend of 3 years and I started to feel really uncomfortable and insecure. We had a fight over my insecurities and we didn't speak for a few days (August 1). When I apologized things were never the same again. He started being distant and we stopped having quality time. He said he was stressed and busy with work since he had a licensing exam coming up. As a last ditch effort I wanted to plan a mini getaway for our 15 year anniversary (Sept 1) to try to find each other again and get the quality time I know we both needed with each other. When I discussed this he broke up with me saying he needs space and he will always love me but he is 'not in love with me anymore.' He would also like to be friends because I am his best friend and he doesn't want me to disappear from his life. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. He also blamed me for the breakup saying I was too emotional and insecure.

 

No contact started immediately right after the break up and he sent me a text 1.5 weeks later to see how I was doing which I shortly conversed with. 2.5 weeks post BU I got weak and I called and we caught up for a little bit and he revealed he had been going out with his coworker but he still has feelings for me and he needs to resolve them and would call me the next day. The next day he said he feels guilty because the coworker told him she had broken up with her long distance boyfriend of 3 years for him. This is strange to me because the coworker's "ex-boyfriend" is still in a relationship with her on fb and has recent activity on his fb. He did offer me hope of reconciling but wanted to sort out his feelings. At that point, I lost all my dignity and wrote an emotional letter in desperation to try to give us another chance and blamed the breakup on my issues. He said he was confused and to give him two weeks after his exam to sort out his feelings but he really feels there is no hope for us and for me to move on. He revealed he does have feelings for her. I told him I would wait the two weeks but after 2 days the anxiety was just too much and I told him that I accept his decision and good luck on his test. He said he really didn't want to me to disappear from his life which I responded "that is not a decision for you to make." A week later, I texted him good luck on his test and he told me he pushed it another 2 weeks. Since that last text, neither of us have made any contact with each other aside from him 'liking' stuff on my instagram which I ignore. BU 45 days and NC 21 days. This has been very difficult for me but I am not holding out onto hope and trying to move on with my life.

 

He mentioned that his deal breaker list that helped him decide on leaving the relationship was my toxic mother, my emotional issues and insecurities and my jealously. I can not help what mother I was given in life but the other issues I felt were ones that could be worked on. However, he said he did not want to fix the relationship.

 

Would this be considered a rebound ? To me, it seems she is cheating on her long distance boyfriend and waiting to see if things with my ex develop into something more before she swings the branch over to him or they are both rebounding with each other.

 

Thoughts?

Edited October 6, 2013 by HeartinPain

[Pain_and_gain]

Sorry to hear that, pretty similar situation as mine (only there is no rebound, i guess)...... seems to me like a classic rebound or at least trying for rebound. U can't really do nothing, let him go, disappear from his life, live your life. If is meant to be, he know how to find you. Stay strong.

[HeartinPain]

Our relationship did get a bit boring. We became very comfortable and didn't go on "dates" anymore. We were content with just hanging out at home together. When I did suggest dates where we would go out he would always say he was tired or would prefer to stay in. It makes me really sad because now he is taking his coworker out everywhere when he would rarely ever take me out.

 

I miss him a lot. It makes me really sad to see our relationship end the way it did. I don't understand how someone can just fall out of love with someone who they invested so much time with. I try to stay busy to keep him out of my mind but I would get weird triggers where I would randomly start crying out of nowhere. I desperately want to contact him and get back to where we were, but I know it would just lead to another rejection and heartache. So much trust has already been lost and it makes it harder for me knowing they see each other everyday at work and afterward.

 

Shouldn't the dumper be the one to initiate contact in my case ?

[Mz_sassy_77]

I don't understand how someone can just fall out of love with someone who they invested so much time with. ?

 

I was with my OP for 3 years. But over that time we broke up several times. Always him doing it with some stupid reason - but at the end of the day it just came down to did he love me enough to stay or not, and i guess he didnt. I still wonder now how people can just stop loving someone. My OP would just turn off his feelings one day and that would be it. It was like he would just decide and then do it. So strange. I think part of it was boredom too. But if you really love someone you'd realise that relationships arent exciting all the time and there are periods of highs and lows.

 

Its really put me off relationships. I can only imagine after 15 years the confusion and hurt you must be feeling. I'm sorry your feeling this way. Its horrible.