MrsK Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Hi everybody, I am not sure what to think and believe so I am hoping that somebody else might be able to help me sort my thoughts. In my teens I started having some issues, life was not easy so I decided to spent a high school year in the states when I was 17. (I am originally from Germany). I at this point felt lonely and insecure in life. My 26yr older hostdad made me feel comfortable and it eventually lea d to the inevitable. I had to leave to ho back home, he divorced his wife and we got married. Just a couple of months later I got diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I moved back to the states permanently in 2011, 6months later we had our son and another 14months later our daughter. My MS got very bad and we have had a lot of financial, emotional, social and life hardships since. Even before we got married we had issues and now 4 yrs into it, it has become very difficult. He blames me for all the difficulties in our life which disgusts me especially since he had financial issues before we met (not my fault!). I feel that now that I am more mature I see him in a different light. I wanted something better for my life and with him bashing me it has gotten a real pain to be with him. I don't want to be intimate, I dont feel a connection. I sometimes feel I am just still around because I think I wont be able to find anybody else and because I know I could not handle being a single mom. I guess I ultimately feel that I did ndot know what I was getting myself into. I feel he uses my health and age for an excuse for his failures in life. I know he loves me I love him. About 30% if the time I just cannot stand being around him.
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