peanutgallery Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I have a great girlfriend who needs advice. And I don't want to steer her wrong. She met a guy online 2 weeks ago. He's been divorced for 3 years. He drove 3 hours to meet her (his daughter lives in my friends city too). Well they had a drink she liked him... Then he drove home. 2 days later he drove back (3 hours) to take her to lunch. They have texted a lot. He told her how much he sees her as the real deal and asked her to come visit him this weekend. I told her that she should get her own hotel to be cautious. Well now he's talking about possibly moving to her city if things work out and when she suggested that maybe they should just go with the flow a bit... He started texting her.. About the status of their relationship. She told him she wasn't seeing anyone else at the moment etc but he is moving very quickly. She's feeling a bit of pressure... Would you advise her to go visit him?
Maxtor Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I guess desperate people do desperate things, while moving in someones life, and specially when exiting someones life. Way to quick.
Author peanutgallery Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Well she texted him that she thinks everything is just fine and to just go with the flow.., And he texted back saying that he wanted to know the status of their relationship and that he was concerned she was losing interest and he needed to get a read from her on her feelings.. Because it felt (through texts) that she was backing off a little. I said that sounds very scary to me and if she has only talked to him for 1.5 weeks and seen him for 2 lunches... That was insane.
soccerrprp Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Have your friend tell him to slow it down, have more dates. See what his response is to that. If things don't settle down, or they escalate to a new level insecurities, I'd advise your friend to move on. AND no, don't go to his place. Too early with so much uncertainty.
jen_r Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 If she has a feeling that something is a little off....it probably is.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Tell her not to go. He's being pushy and needs to slow it down, as she's already stated. She should suggest a few more dates before visiting him. If he won't do that without a fuss, he isn't worth the trouble.
TB Rhine Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 If she likes him, this dude could show up with a machete in one hand and a dead cat in the other, and she'd think it was just the most charming thing in the world - horrendous physical abuse and sexual abuse of her children are also not off the table (I hear that's how Brad won Angelina over). If she doesn't, him texting her three times during the day instead of two is going to send her straight off to the courthouse to file a restraining order. It's all relative. If this guy wants to have the "where is this relationship going" convo and she's not ready for that, I'd say tell her to cut her losses. It's really hard to de-escalate these things if both parties aren't on the same page. Think of all those married couples who tried (read: failed) to save their marriages by 'starting over,' going on dates, etc. You can't go back again.
deathandtaxes Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Two lunches does not a relationship make. Him talking already about moving to her city is putting the cart before the horse and inevitably will lead to her feeling pressure and/or weirded out by him ramping up expectations. My advice - tell your friend to have an honest conversation with the guy about what they do and do not have in the way of a relationship. And in no way go and visit.
Joaquin Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I don't think a frank discussion with this type of fellow is going to go well. I would bail. He's the kinda guy that'll just not get it. He's used to girls that are grateful. He's one of those controlling types.
Author peanutgallery Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 As soon as she asked him to just go with the flow he started texting pics of his body and asking her what she wanted to do with him.... Sexually. She has barely even kissed him. So this is def his way of trying to lure her back in. Ick... If you ask me. But I'm not in the single world. She too is now turned off by him. She wants to just end communication. How should she handle that? I told her to just cancel the weekend.., tell him she can't make it and start avoiding his many texts.
Author peanutgallery Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 He keeps sending texts asking her ... Where she would kiss/touch him first. Talk about a friend with an interesting play by play right now. Personally, I think after a week and a half.. That seems pretty desperate.. Don't you?
TB Rhine Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 The fact that she's "barely even kissed him" after he drove three hours in order to see her (twice) says volumes about what a non-entity this nascent relationship has already become. Any situation where people drive hours in order to see each other should be positively fraught with romance/sexual tension. She's treating it as just some dude she's been to lunch with once or twice. This situation is not salvageable. Tell her to jump ship immediately, if she hasn't already.
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