Emma1234 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Yet another thread... How have people dealt with their ex's finding someone else? How have they stopped the feelings of inadequacy? And the feelings of failure? The jealously and the comparing. The images of them being happily in love?
h0000 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 why would you know that he's found someone else? 1
NomiMalone Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I took the cowardly way out - I blocked his FB and moved cities, ensuring that chances of finding out about him with another girl eventually would be slim to none. I will however be attending a wedding in Feb where mutual acquaintances of ours will be present, and I'm terrified they will mention something about him dating someone else etc. I sure as hell hope they'll have the decency not to mention him at all to me. As for how to deal with the news - There's no easy way out. I guess the only way to do it is to put up with the pain, knowing that one day, time will heal those wounds. It will suck from whichever angle we look at it. I suggest you block his FB and do everything you can to minimise the possibility of finding out... at least until you feel like you've moved on substantially to the point that it would no longer matter 1
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I know in the start when he was putting it on and trying his best our relationship seemed good. Once the initial honeymoon phase is over he was take, take, take and didnt put much into it. I just feel sorry for the next person he ends up with. Thats how I deal with it...knowing what he's offering someone, and it aint much. 3
h0000 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I know in the start when he was putting it on and trying his best our relationship seemed good. Once the initial honeymoon phase is over he was take, take, take and didnt put much into it. I just feel sorry for the next person he ends up with. Thats how I deal with it...knowing what he's offering someone, and it aint much. I feel the opposite. .I feel im not good enough thats why he's not offering much. I feel next person may have him head over heels for and he would offer all he has... 2
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I feel the opposite. .I feel im not good enough thats why he's not offering much. I feel next person may have him head over heels for and he would offer all he has... Why do you feel your not good enough? Did you not give it your all? If you gave it everything you had and loved them and it didnt work out, maybe its OP who has missed out on something great?
JDPT Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Yet another thread... How have people dealt with their ex's finding someone else? How have they stopped the feelings of inadequacy? And the feelings of failure? The jealously and the comparing. The images of them being happily in love? Are you in this current situation or merely creating hypotheticals and fantasizing? If not, I suggest you don't waste your time torturing creating fictitious scenarios in your head. 3
Never Again Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Sometimes it helps to let yourself be angry. Anger is one of the stages of grieving, and you have to let yourself get there. When she DID meet someone new, I finally let myself get angry. I realized I had wasted my time thinking about someone who didn't give a damn about me, despite what they said. I realized I had wasted my time dating someone who couldn't deal with passion/feelings fading for a couple of weeks and couldn't be bothered to TRY to work on the relationship, even though it "should have been perfect" (her words). You deal with it by getting to the point of acceptance. Let yourself grieve, and remember that the end of a relationship is like a death - it's something you'll have to work through, but will eventually let go.
Copelandsanity Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I made the choice not to care. I chose not to care that she had an affair. I choose not to care if she is with anyone now. Please do not put your ex's up on a pedestal. I could go on and on about all of the amazing qualities my ex has and how everyone loves her and thinks the world of her. The truth is that nobody is perfect. She has character flaws just like everyone else does. But until you get to know someone on a deeper level or when life tests him/her, you may not realize those flaws and how they handle them. Let the next man or woman deal with it. I deserve a lot better.
Author Emma1234 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thank you for all of your replies. No it has not happened yet but it the thing that keeps running through my mind at the moment. Trying to conquer it before it happens as it's inevitable.
reddragon588 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Thank you for all of your replies. No it has not happened yet but it the thing that keeps running through my mind at the moment. Trying to conquer it before it happens as it's inevitable. Stop thinking about it! It's not going to bring you anything but pain. Just move on and stop devoting thought, energy and time to someone who isn't even in your life anymore. 1
hotpotato Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I think we need to get real. A lot of the time if someone is dumping us they are going to directly to someone else. This is important to realize since sometimes they want to come back after they get dumped by the new flame. First ex, it didn't hurt me. By the time we broke up I didn't care anymore. Second time, it did hurt partially because the break up came out of the blue. Well, that's how it felt at the time. Then turns out he was dating both of us at the same time. There was a feeling of betrayal. In some ways he ignored me, but in others he was really kind. It feels like our relationship was a sham. He were LD, and he found someone else in my state who looked like me. It's okay to let yourself grieve and be mad. In the first instance, I had already done my grieving before he left. I saw that break up coming from a mile away so it didnt hurt so much.
cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 This exact same scenario happened to me - and my worst fears came true - they are now engaged. Getting married next year and seem blissfully in love....I thought I was going to die of a broken heart. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, just lay in bed crying. All I can tell you is, it gets better. It truly does. Yes it still stings, but after being lost in the fog for almost a year now, I am starting to feel a bit more detached. It helped me to think of all her craziness - Her debts The fact she lied to me about stuff Even if you can think of little things you didn't like so much about him, try and keep those in your head. That next girl will get all those bad things. Try not to torture yourself with how happy they are. I have stayed single since. The best fantasy I now play out in my head is the two of them beginning to bicker once the honeymoon is over, trapped in a wedding they've booked even though it's "not right" (I've decided that for them, ha!) and at just around this point, I'll hopefully meet somebody new and amazing, and be in a lovely honeymoon period... Day at a time x
hotpotato Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I know in the start when he was putting it on and trying his best our relationship seemed good. Once the initial honeymoon phase is over he was take, take, take and didnt put much into it. I just feel sorry for the next person he ends up with. Thats how I deal with it...knowing what he's offering someone, and it aint much. I'm very sorry you were dating my boyfriend. 1
JoelBarish Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 why would you know that he's found someone else? I assumed she must have started seeing someone due to the way she broke up with me so suddenly. I found out without even trying. I stayed away from FB. I avoided driving past her hangouts. Yet the other night I went out to dinner with my family. We were sitting right by the door and she came walking in with some guy. She got one look at us then turned around and walked out. Needless to say I was hurt and humiliated. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I couldn't even taste my food after that. So yeah, I feel inadequate now. I wonder why she left me for this guy. What does he have that I don't. I tell myself that she has G.I.G.S. and I feel that the relationship I gave her was better than anything he could provide. And that someday she will realize what she lost when she broke up with me. I tell myself that she will come back someday and that I will be strong enough to turn her away. In the meantime it's NC, trying to heal and move on with my life.
ponchsox Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Girls usually find a bottom feeder if they need a quick rebound. Don't let it bruise your ego. She's gonna hurt him too. 4
JoelBarish Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Girls usually find a bottom feeder if they need a quick rebound. Don't let it bruise your ego. She's gonna hurt him too. Thanks man. He looked like a troll
rossi128 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Girls usually find a bottom feeder if they need a quick rebound. Don't let it bruise your ego. She's gonna hurt him too. What comes after the quick rebound? I know what my ex does now is of no concern to me and I shouldn't care but I'm curious to how her mind works. Similar to JB dumped suddenly and new guy weeks later.
Never Again Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 What comes after the quick rebound? I know what my ex does now is of no concern to me and I shouldn't care but I'm curious to how her mind works. Similar to JB dumped suddenly and new guy weeks later. Depends on the girl. And you're right, it shouldn't be your concern. HOWEVER, it's good to know because it could affect you if you let it. Because, if a girl really is rebounding with a loser/bad-boy/exciting-temporary-dick, it will usually burn out after awhile. And some girls reminisce about the stable boyfriend they had beforehand and will try to reach out in their loneliness and desperation. It's important that, if this happens, you don't let yourself be taken advantage of. While some people do "wake up" after a rebound, many will just look to make themselves feel better and will leave you hurt again once they've healed. Just, keep your guard up. Only advice I can really give. 2
Wings Of Love Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 There is no easy way of dealing with it. I've blocked my ex now and cut off contact, but I know that if he meets someone it will get back to me at some point. His family is too close to mine for me not to hear about it. I have the same feelings of being a failure, but that's us being too hard on ourselves. I put everything into our relationship and he still left, so that's his loss. I'm sure it is the same for you too. If your ex does meet someone, just keep telling yourself that you will too. It may take a bit longer, but it will happen. Your ex may not have seen you for how amazing you are, but you can bet that someone else will.
h0000 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Why do you feel your not good enough? Did you not give it your all? If you gave it everything you had and loved them and it didnt work out, maybe its OP who has missed out on something great? I have the "he dumped me I must not be good enough" logic. .like not pretty enough not exciting enough. .im too weird or something like that. .
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 At first I cried my heart out. It felt worse than being dumped. It felt like the ultimate betrayal. But then I realized he has no idea, I'm this hurt. See our exes do not know what we're going through unless we tell them. So I cried, screamed, acted crazy then healed. Even better I realized I'm a better woman for not giving in and chasing him down. To boot the new chick was taunting me..... Now I realize they both were immature and petty and deserve all that awaits them 2
Phoe Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 There was only one time that this bothered me when it happened, and it was only because it was SO quick and "in my face" It was back in school, I got dumped by him, and within 3 days he was walking around campus holding hands with the girl. Everytime I saw them walking together I felt like a bucket of ice had been poured on me. I couldn't breathe. He chose her over me and I felt like a piece of dog sh*t. Well, about a month later she dumped him and he tried again with me. I refused even though I still wanted him desperately. I knew I wouldn't feel okay with him after being destroyed like that. Of course, now, looking back, I havent a care in the world about that. Several years later he dated another girl and I did not care. My exboyfriend after that one went back to his ex after dumping me. They're still together. I don't mind. The last guy I fell for was engaged within months of me giving up on him. I hope they have a peaceful, happy marriage. Once you go through it, experience it, and then get over it, you realize you can get through anything. It's gonna be a ****ty sucky time and it's gonna take WAY longer than you want, but years down the line you realize it was okay.
seahawker64 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Girls usually find a bottom feeder if they need a quick rebound. Don't let it bruise your ego. She's gonna hurt him too. I love this! I don't know it for a fact but I think the guy she has possible hooked up with now was from the neighborhood. My friends and I never hung out with him because we considered him a weird, creepy kid. When he was 15 he was accused of a pretty horrible thing and it was in the papers when it first happened. We never really heard of him again after that and never did know what ever happened with his legal issue. So the bottom feeder line is so appropriate. Kinda laughing now..Thank you!
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