irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 To me, "chemistry" is all about having a good time with someone to the point where you'd want to see them again., and this may be gender exclusive to men. However, with women, a reason to see a man again is that there must be chemistry, or they'll never give it a chance to grow nor willing to give it time, but to men "Wow, we had a great time on our date, let's do this again!" Her: "Um...well, I'm not feelin it" Guy: "Huh? I don't get it" *scratches head*
Mascara Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I realise that you don't date men, so you wouldn't be aware of it - but men use the chemistry line too.
miss_jaclynrae Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Chemistry is either there or it isn't. I have been on some great dates where I had a great time... but that didn't mean there was any chemistry. If you think chemistry is merely having a good time with someone, then you haven't truly experienced it before. 2
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Chemistry is either there or it isn't. I have been on some great dates where I had a great time... but that didn't mean there was any chemistry. If you think chemistry is merely having a good time with someone, then you haven't truly experienced it before. Actually, Yes, I have experienced it. I recall one time I met a woman on POF that through email, on the phone, we clicked right away. I was a bit anticipatory about it going to crap once we met, because usually the person on the other end always has some kind of expectation, but no....the "flow" of our conversation never changed...the flirting accelerated, she was always smiling at me from ear to ear when we were taking turns bowling. When were walking to the parking lot, she leaned into me and I put my arm around her...we actually had a nice kiss good night and we parted ways. She EVEN called me before I walked into the door to see if I made it home alright (NEVER had that happen to me before, woman taking the initiative). Went to call her up for a 2nd date, no callback, called her up again, she answers and she's really cold and distant in her tone, not the warm sweet heart she was a few nights ago...said she's been "busy" lately and such. Her tone was so cold and distant, I think she was hoping I wasn't going to attempt to ask her out again. Had these scenarios happen to me only a handful of times. We live in a society of fickle people pretty much, finding the bigger better deal and so on. Personally, I think people use "There was no chemistry" is a cop out these days only because they get bored easily or something. Or the novelty of the first meet wore off if it was an online date. I have been in situations before where it was pretty much obvious we couldn't even stand to be around each other another minute and it wound up being mutual or the person to me was really lacking in personality and I KNEW it wouldn't work or an obvious NON-chemistry situation. But in situations where I truly had chemistry, still they flaked out
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 That's what I call a friend or a pleasant acquaintance. Chemistry, or sparks, is what makes romance possible. And having a good time as well. What's funny is, the recent woman I had met at a local game night said she prefers to remain friends first because it's a foundation of a relationship, apparently she was trying to tell me that's just "how she rolls" instead of there being any kind of instant chemistry. However, she'll refuse to get together with me outside of the Meetup events. She's setting up a situation where we can't even be friends either, just a phone buddy or if she decides to even make an appearance at an event (when she's not so busy) she'll come to one when she comes. Some women seem to think to "start off as friends" are the ones that don't believe in chemistry? Of course, I like to go along with the mantra of "friends first" but if she refuses to even get together with me, what's the point in being friends with her?
Bigcitydreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I think there needs to be a book for men titled "she's just not that into you". What you describe as chemistry is definitely what I would describe it as as well. It just needs to be felt on both sides and its very hard to tell if someone else feels the same as you do. People's actions and words sometimes don't match their true intentions. 2
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 I think there needs to be a book for men titled "she's just not that into you". What you describe as chemistry is definitely what I would describe it as as well. It just needs to be felt on both sides and its very hard to tell if someone else feels the same as you do. People's actions and words sometimes don't match their true intentions. Yeah, and I"ve sometimes tend to question them on their actions getting mixed up with what they've told me only to have annoyed them (Maybe that's part of my problem) perhaps I should just say "Okay, whatever you say" and move on.
GoodOnPaper Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Just like many men can compartmentalize sex and love, many women seem to do the same with friendship and romance feelings. Highly confusing if you believe that friendship and attraction should grow together. I've been burned in this way many times. Actually, I couldn't really tell you how/why I ended up on my wife's attraction track vs. the friendship one. It's not like she was lusting after me in a ONS kind of way. I guess all you can do is push the progression of physical contact a little to see if that clears things up. 1
phineas Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 (edited) What's funny is, the recent woman I had met at a local game night said she prefers to remain friends first because it's a foundation of a relationship, apparently she was trying to tell me that's just "how she rolls" instead of there being any kind of instant chemistry. However, she'll refuse to get together with me outside of the Meetup events. She's setting up a situation where we can't even be friends either, just a phone buddy or if she decides to even make an appearance at an event (when she's not so busy) she'll come to one when she comes. Some women seem to think to "start off as friends" are the ones that don't believe in chemistry? Of course, I like to go along with the mantra of "friends first" but if she refuses to even get together with me, what's the point in being friends with her? She either isn't into you or has "issues" with men. I no longer give women like this a 2nd thought because it smacks of chasing. also, when it comes to first dates, I go for the hug & watch for the kiss and never even hint at seeing them again. I ignore what they say & just go for it. They either reject me or they don't and then I don't have to wonder if they are into me or not. I never used to be like this but since i've gotten bolder & started making the physical advances on first dates things have gotten way easier. If they text me while i'm on the way home to thank me, I'm in. I've never had a 2nd date when i've told the women on the first I wanted to see them again. I've never had a 2nd date if they didn't thank me while I was on my way home. Edited October 6, 2013 by phineas
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 What I have noticed is....that married people....tend to have no real answer on how they got together but I am pretty much surmising that MAYBE (if it's a good marriage) that it was a foundation built off friendship as opposed to chemistry. Thing is, with chemistry, that relationships that starts on this premise, generally don't last that long, it fizzles...and sometimes as soon as it's started. Kind of like a little kid that gets bored with a new toy, like with chemistry, someone is going to get bored and want a new one. Just like many men can compartmentalize sex and love, many women seem to do the same with friendship and romance feelings. Highly confusing if you believe that friendship and attraction should grow together. I've been burned in this way many times. Actually, I couldn't really tell you how/why I ended up on my wife's attraction track vs. the friendship one. It's not like she was lusting after me in a ONS kind of way. I guess all you can do is push the progression of physical contact a little to see if that clears things up.
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 If they text me while i'm on the way home to thank me, I'm in. Happened with me, she called me when I was on the way home..but never got a 2nd date. So there goes that theory. lol
Real36 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I think the chemistry fades too but am unable to feel romantically interested in someone if it isn't there. Ideally the "spark" would start the relationship then friendship, mutual respect and companionship would carry it on after the chemistry fades. I don't know if it's possible, though! To me it seems like you get a bad rap for "stringing him/her along" if you stick with a chemistry-less relationship for dating to find out if there is something there. It makes people look like users even if they aren't. 1
FitChick Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 No chemistry = not attracted to you sexually. 1
xxoo Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 For men, it's easy to feel sexual attraction, and maybe rarer to find "we can talk for hours" connection--so you see that as chemistry. For women, it is easy to find the "we can talk for hours" connection, and rarer to feel the sexual attraction--so we see that as chemistry. In fact, both are necessary for chemistry. Just because you feel both, don't assume she does.
GoodOnPaper Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 And I bet you would not be saying this if you were on the receiving end of a big spark from a woman you felt the same about. Do very many guys actually experience this? I haven't -- I would think that you would need to be really good at attracting women in general in order to have a chance for such mutual sparks. For the rest of us, as much as we'd like to experience it, I think it's an unrealistic expectation.
miss_jaclynrae Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 What I have noticed is....that married people....tend to have no real answer on how they got together but I am pretty much surmising that MAYBE (if it's a good marriage) that it was a foundation built off friendship as opposed to chemistry. Thing is, with chemistry, that relationships that starts on this premise, generally don't last that long, it fizzles...and sometimes as soon as it's started. Kind of like a little kid that gets bored with a new toy, like with chemistry, someone is going to get bored and want a new one. You are so not aware of what chemistry is, chemistry isn't like lust. It doesn't "fizzle out". Maybe if you guys knew what chemistry was you wouldn't feel so down trodden when a lady says she doesn't feel it with you. One year with my man and the chemistry is just THERE, it didn't develop, it hasn't faded, it hasn't even gotten stronger. Chemistry is just CHEMISTRY, the ease of which two people interact. Chemistry can't exist unless both people feel it though... Chemistry isn't leaving someone to wonder if they like you... for you guys saying some ridiculous crap, the least you can do is understand what it means. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Do very many guys actually experience this? I haven't -- I would think that you would need to be really good at attracting women in general in order to have a chance for such mutual sparks. For the rest of us, as much as we'd like to experience it, I think it's an unrealistic expectation. My man is bald, older, and a total weirdo. The chemistry between us was life changing, and he feels the exact same way about it as I do. He was a complete dork in the way he asked me out, and not very suave... but that connection, it was just THERE for us. Everything was easy, and as time has gone on I am an even bigger believer than before, because it is just as amazing. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 No chemistry = not attracted to you sexually. This is so far from the truth.
miss_jaclynrae Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Actually, Yes, I have experienced it. I recall one time I met a woman on POF that through email, on the phone, we clicked right away. I was a bit anticipatory about it going to crap once we met, because usually the person on the other end always has some kind of expectation, but no....the "flow" of our conversation never changed...the flirting accelerated, she was always smiling at me from ear to ear when we were taking turns bowling. When were walking to the parking lot, she leaned into me and I put my arm around her...we actually had a nice kiss good night and we parted ways. She EVEN called me before I walked into the door to see if I made it home alright (NEVER had that happen to me before, woman taking the initiative). Went to call her up for a 2nd date, no callback, called her up again, she answers and she's really cold and distant in her tone, not the warm sweet heart she was a few nights ago...said she's been "busy" lately and such. Her tone was so cold and distant, I think she was hoping I wasn't going to attempt to ask her out again. Had these scenarios happen to me only a handful of times. We live in a society of fickle people pretty much, finding the bigger better deal and so on. Personally, I think people use "There was no chemistry" is a cop out these days only because they get bored easily or something. Or the novelty of the first meet wore off if it was an online date. I have been in situations before where it was pretty much obvious we couldn't even stand to be around each other another minute and it wound up being mutual or the person to me was really lacking in personality and I KNEW it wouldn't work or an obvious NON-chemistry situation. But in situations where I truly had chemistry, still they flaked out Oy vey, chemistry doesn't ensure a relationship works either, just how it doesn't ensure it will. You can have the best chemistry with someone and still not end up with them. Welcome to dating. I find it funny how in your situation she never said she didn't feel a "spark" and even then, what you described didn't sound like chemistry, sounded like a good date.
hotpotato Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I must have that spark or there will be no second date! Oh and btw, I'm not a drama queen... 1
Shepp Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 If you think chemistry is merely having a good time with someone, then you haven't truly experienced it before. I have a girl mates who I think are wicked, we have a laugh.....but theres nothing there, no spark, no sexual chemistry, I just don't see them as potential girlfriend material. Im a guy (obviously) but I think that if you feel that kinda spark with someone then it is hard to look at anyone where its missing. Back when I was on the long road of trying to win over my now gf, there were other girls who took an interest and some of them I went for a date with - they were lovely girls, pretty, perfectly nice, uncomplicated, in to me but it wouldn't of been fair for me to keep taking any of them out because I knew that it couldn't go anywhere because they just weren't her, they just weren't my gf and with her there was this....electricity, this is gonna sound soppy but its relevant so i'll say it, but sometimes when I see her in a crowded room and she spots me and grins my breath still catches - that's the truth, and If that's what having a spark does, then I kinda get why people search for it. 4
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 I must have that spark or there will be no second date! Oh and btw, I'm not a drama queen... The "spark" is such a cop out, seems women need some "magical" reason to see a guy again, where as a men just likes to enjoy her companionship/company and he's all for a 2nd date. We just have to admit that these people in question are just plain fickle. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I find it funny how in your situation she never said she didn't feel a "spark" and even then, what you described didn't sound like chemistry, sounded like a good date. There's another disconnect. Any date that seems to be a "good" date should lead to a second one. If it doesn't, then it wasn't good.
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Chemistry doesn't ensure a relationship works either, That's the point of my post, sure it's all "sparks and fireworks" in the beginning, then a few months later, "I'm bored, I wanna new boyfriend/girlfriend". That's pretty much it, no foundation of a friendship, nothing happened was even special, it just a lustful fling. I find it funny how in your situation she never said she didn't feel a "spark" and even then, what you described didn't sound like chemistry, sounded like a good date. Of course it was a good date, that's why I wanted to see her again, and I would think she'd want to as well.
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