Chris715 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 One of those nights where I just can't stop thinking about her. 3 or so weeks of NC, almost a YEAR broken up. She's completely moved on and with someone else and here I am sitting in pity. The last week or so I've actually thought I've been doing better. I've thought of her less, been a little more proactive with college, talking to a girl in a couple of my classes who I really like, even thinking of asking her out soon. And then a night like tonight happens where it's all about my ex again. Don't know what brought about this relapse, but I want it to end. Anyone else get these? Is it normal? I find it pretty pathetic I'm still dealing with it in this way almost a year after break up. And I know contacting her will be utterly pointless and will probably just hurt me. Still, I'm sitting here on Facebook, tempted to unblock her and see what's going on. I thought I was getting better, even getting ready to ask this new girl out, but I'm nothing but confused now :/
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Dont do it Chris. It will only hurt you - you will either get a response you will sit and analyze for days, or she wont respond at all. Everyone is different and moves on at different times. I dont think it is unusual to be where your at. A year sounds like a long time, but its actually not to get over someone who was significant to your life. Hang in there Chris
organizedchaos Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 One of those nights where I just can't stop thinking about her. 3 or so weeks of NC, almost a YEAR broken up. She's completely moved on and with someone else and here I am sitting in pity. The last week or so I've actually thought I've been doing better. I've thought of her less, been a little more proactive with college, talking to a girl in a couple of my classes who I really like, even thinking of asking her out soon. And then a night like tonight happens where it's all about my ex again. Don't know what brought about this relapse, but I want it to end. Anyone else get these? Is it normal? I find it pretty pathetic I'm still dealing with it in this way almost a year after break up. And I know contacting her will be utterly pointless and will probably just hurt me. Still, I'm sitting here on Facebook, tempted to unblock her and see what's going on. I thought I was getting better, even getting ready to ask this new girl out, but I'm nothing but confused now :/ With someone else and you want to unblock her? Just what do you think you'll see? 1
Author Chris715 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 With someone else and you want to unblock her? Just what do you think you'll see? Honestly I want to see that her new relationship was just a quick fling and is done (she's been prone to that in the past). I know it's stupid and it makes me petty.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Well I'm petty too then. Cos I cant wait til he meets someone and she rips his heart out...All his relationships before me failed (should of been a red flag) with them leaving him...Looking forward to it happening again too. 4
Author Chris715 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Well I'm petty too then. Cos I cant wait til he meets someone and she rips his heart out...All his relationships before me failed (should of been a red flag) with them leaving him...Looking forward to it happening again too. Good, we can be petty together then
Mariposa10 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 If it helps at all, we're still having those nights.... Weekends are really hard for me...but I know things will get better. How long were you guys together? have you dated anybody in the past year?
Author Chris715 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 If it helps at all, we're still having those nights.... Weekends are really hard for me...but I know things will get better. How long were you guys together? have you dated anybody in the past year? We were together about 9 months. Not a ton of time I know, but she was the first girl I've loved. And no I haven't dated anyone else and neither has she until recently. Been a hell of a year for me.
Mariposa10 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 We were together about 9 months. Not a ton of time I know, but she was the first girl I've loved. And no I haven't dated anyone else and neither has she until recently. Been a hell of a year for me. Well, at least you like someone... I WANT TO LIKE SOMEONE! I have like 2 guys who are interested in dating me, but there's zero chemistry.... But you, you like this girl, go for it!! Stop giving your ex so much attention.
Author Chris715 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Well, at least you like someone... I WANT TO LIKE SOMEONE! I have like 2 guys who are interested in dating me, but there's zero chemistry.... But you, you like this girl, go for it!! Stop giving your ex so much attention. I know I should just go for it, but set backs like tonight make me hesitant. Plus my self esteem has hit rock bottom since my break up, and it's made me question EVERYTHING! "What if she has no interest in me if I ask her out? What do I possibly have to offer her?" etc.
Author Chris715 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 You're taking so long to heal from this because you kept breaking NC. Stay away from it, seriously. And I know you're right and you guys have been right along since I joined this place over the summer. I'm determined more than ever to keep NC and never look back, just having a weak moment tonight.
flight E Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Break up Hurt yes, miserable yes, can't think of anything else yes. I she screwing someone else yes. Can't hardly do anything but read loveshack, feel so much pain can't eat can't sleep. Get nervous and irritable Will I break no contact: I'd rather be hanged. Learnt the hard way. This is all I have, don't know about healing. I know she won't come back but this is all I have. It's the only power I have to show that I am not holding anybody's leg and cryin over them. Whatever comes from it I will take it as it comes but I WILL NEVER CONTACT SOMEONE TO GIVE THEM AN EGO TRIP LET THEM GET IT ELSEWHERE
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 We were together about 9 months. Not a ton of time I know, but she was the first girl I've loved. And no I haven't dated anyone else and neither has she until recently. Been a hell of a year for me. Its sooo hard when its your first love. Not my first love but I was with my OP for 3 years. Reminders of them everywhere...everywhere I go its like we did that together, we went there, etc, etc. Makes it hard to move forward. I think your right to not date anyone else yet though. I dont see how dating someone else is all of a sudden going to make you feel better. Maybe I'm wrong but just seems strange to me when people just move on five seconds later and just find a replacement like you meant nothing. Sux. 1
h0000 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 uve broken up for a year already and only NCed for 3 weeks?
Stealth3 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Damn dude....im in the same ****ing boat tonight. Tempted to contact her....
Mariposa10 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Its sooo hard when its your first love. Not my first love but I was with my OP for 3 years. Reminders of them everywhere...everywhere I go its like we did that together, we went there, etc, etc. Makes it hard to move forward. I think your right to not date anyone else yet though. I dont see how dating someone else is all of a sudden going to make you feel better. Maybe I'm wrong but just seems strange to me when people just move on five seconds later and just find a replacement like you meant nothing. Sux. Well, it's been a year already... I remember how long it once took me to get over an ex, why? because I kept fantasising about that person... I kept putting him on a pedestal... But now, I'm doing the opposite with my current ex, and I was madly in love with this ex, but I feel like it's working.
Never Again Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Well I'm petty too then. Cos I cant wait til he meets someone and she rips his heart out...All his relationships before me failed (should of been a red flag) with them leaving him...Looking forward to it happening again too. Heh, glad to know that I'm not the only one that thinks along these lines. All of her past relationships were unhealthy and each lasted only about a year. That should've been a red flag to me...didn't realize until I was dumped that she's essentially a serial monogamist - she only knows the "high" of falling in love. I was her first normal/healthy relationship, and I was thrown away. I wasn't controlling, and didn't generate the excitement/anxiety of her past boyfriends who'd threaten to leave her, hurt themselves, or be overly controlling. I'm waiting for her to make another bad choice.
Author Chris715 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Ugh, same **** again tonight. I'm feeling really angry towards her for really no specific reason. Thinking about how she left me behind in a rut and has moved on, probably having the time of her life right now out of state at her college. What do I have to lose if I unblock her on Facebook to get updates? I'm already depressed and hurt, and my temptation from last night is getting worse. And I'm having suicidal thoughts again tonight, just when I thought I was getting better. So there's that.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Ugh, same **** again tonight. I'm feeling really angry towards her for really no specific reason. Thinking about how she left me behind in a rut and has moved on, probably having the time of her life right now out of state at her college. What do I have to lose if I unblock her on Facebook to get updates? I'm already depressed and hurt, and my temptation from last night is getting worse. And I'm having suicidal thoughts again tonight, just when I thought I was getting better. So there's that. The reason why you are stuck in this place is because you always give in. You need to stay NC and you need to stay active in healing. Don't sit around like a sad bastard. Get up and do something. 1
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Ugh, same **** again tonight. I'm feeling really angry towards her for really no specific reason. Thinking about how she left me behind in a rut and has moved on, probably having the time of her life right now out of state at her college. . I can relate. My ex has just gone on with his life like it never happened. Seems to be having the time of his life right now. Literally seems to be doing something every single night and every single weekend. Like every second is accounted for. Meanwhile here I am feeling sad and sorry for myself. So unfair
Author Chris715 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Feeling a little better since I posted that a couple hours ago. A lot of ups and downs for me these lasts couple days. I didn't unblock her or anything like that, so I'm happy about that at least. Wish I could get her out of my head though. Might try asking the new girl in my classes to lunch or something this week, maybe that'll distract me.
Author Chris715 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 No, no, no...please don't... :-( I didn't Not feeling too great again today either but one day at a time I guess, right?
Minneloa Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 One day at a time, exactly! Try to keep busy and distracted as much as possible, even if it's just watching a movie or sitting in a coffee shop. Pick up the phone and call a friend if you feel lonely or want to contact your ex. Btw, what did you find out about counseling options through your school? It seems like you are really struggling, and a therapist could provide support and perspective. I just started seeing a counselor about a month ago, and I find it helpful already. I think of her as an ally in the fight to get my life back on track. Sending good thoughts! M. 1
Author Chris715 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 One day at a time, exactly! Try to keep busy and distracted as much as possible, even if it's just watching a movie or sitting in a coffee shop. Pick up the phone and call a friend if you feel lonely or want to contact your ex. Btw, what did you find out about counseling options through your school? It seems like you are really struggling, and a therapist could provide support and perspective. I just started seeing a counselor about a month ago, and I find it helpful already. I think of her as an ally in the fight to get my life back on track. Sending good thoughts! M. I've looked into counseling options at school and it looks like there are some since I'm a full time student. Two things are holding me back though. For one, I have very little time with the combination of work and school to go to appointments if that's what I would be doing. And two, I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone in my life right now about these problems, not sure if I could talk about them with a stranger either.
Minneloa Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I've looked into counseling options at school and it looks like there are some since I'm a full time student. Two things are holding me back though. For one, I have very little time with the combination of work and school to go to appointments if that's what I would be doing. And two, I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone in my life right now about these problems, not sure if I could talk about them with a stranger either. That's great that it's available for you. I STRONGLY urge to try it. As for being busy, usually it's only an hour a week, and I think it's important to prioritize your emotional well-being. In terms of embarrassment, I understand, but keep in mind that these folks are professionals who are trained to deal with crises. Trust me, they have heard *much* worse, and they are not there to judge you, but to listen to and guide you. What do you have to lose?
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