That_girl Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I finally ended my FWB situation because I just couldn't stand it anymore, and also the advice I received here propelled me to do it even more so. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/428652-need-some-self-respect I REALLY didn't want to though, it was incredibly difficult. I'm not usually the kind of woman that gets attached so easily. I have been in FWB situations in the past where the relationship was purely physical, and I had never developed any feelings for the other person. But this was....different. We cuddled, we laughed together, had dinner, stimulating conversation, spend the night together. It was just like a real relationship...only it wasn't. He didn't text me for the entire week, and that's when I knew I had to end it. I have been thinking about him constantly and thinking about how badly I am treating myself by being involved with someone that purely sees me as sex. I mean I do think he has *some* feelings for me, but not enough to give me anything substantial. And I am definitely not the kind of woman that stays with a man because I fear being alone. So when he eventually texted me last night asking me how my "lonely weekend" was going...I told him that I have feelings for him, and I can't continue being his **** buddy. I also said that since he can't give me what I want, he should leave me alone and that I understand where he is coming from, and wish him all the best. Usually I feel good about my decisions and the finality of them, but some reason there is this nagging doubt that if I just hung on a little longer- he would have eventually wanted me just as much as I want him. Stupid right? I know. And I guess his response to my text (8 hours later) says it all: He was like, "Leave you alone? That's an interesting choice of words, but I understand nonetheless and I appreciate that you know where I'm coming from. It was very exciting, and of course, only the best for you as well." Clearly, he does not care at all. Or at least that is how he wants to appear in his text judging by his nonchalance. I feel STUPID for expecting anything more than that. At my age, I should know better than this. I also feel so...dirty. I don't know why. Maybe it was his "it was exciting" comment i.e. thanks for the free ride... I have just started going to therapy and I'm really trying to work out why I do this to myself. I completely set myself up for this one.
Author That_girl Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Oops, I probably should have posted this in the "break-up" section, cause that's what it feels like.
Real36 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 You are so strong to have the guts to end it when you knew it was only bad for you. I admire your strength and wish I had been able to do the same thing. You were absolutely right not to stick around waiting for more. You are brave. 1
Author That_girl Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thanks so much. It wasn't easy, but I figure it will be way worse down the line. I have only been seeing him for four months and I almost feel like I could be in love with him. I don't feel so brave right now, I can't stop thinking about him and wondering what he is thinking.
Real36 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 You are absolutely right. If you feel this strongly after 4 months and he doesn't it's time to make a break. I didn't and ended up being tied up with him for more than a year while he continually broke my heart and changed me into someone unrecognizable. It was my fault because I knew better I just couldn't make that difficult decision. Best of luck to you!
Lansing Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I think this is a good move on your part despite how much it might hurt right now. I had this connection with a girl and things ended up turning more in a "FWB" situation vs. a relationship (although, we were truly "friends" before and I did want to be a relationship with her). The more I got to know her the more I saw things I realized would not be things that were "relationship" material. I was waiting for her to show that she cared/etc as much as I did and at times I really wanted to end things but I felt like I was worried to hurt her (She had gone through a bunch of personal stuff/etc). Anyway, eventually she told me she didn't see things leading to marriage/etc and ended it. Looking back, even though I am still single, it was the best thing that could have happened because now I more open to meeting someone that actually could lead to a solid relationship. Sometimes it is best just to have a clean break and move on with your life when someone isn't treating you with the respect that you feel you deserve.
Author That_girl Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Yes I think that's what ultimately led me to make this decision- the lack of respect that he was showing me. At first he was totally into me, stopping at nothing to get my attention (even while I had a boyfriend). And the last time I was at his place he said I sounded 'desperate' when I asked him why he didn't like me. He also said that he did really like me. I don't understand why he went through all the trouble of making me dinner, and telling me how amazing I am, and cuddling with me if he wanted was sex. And how he let me go so easily.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 You made the right choice. I don't care what anyone claims. I will never accept that FWB is either normal or healthy. 2
Author That_girl Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Agreed. Even during the times where I didn't develop feelings for the other person, I still felt terrible knowing that something so intimate meant nothing to me. I do have the courage to end a bad situation like this after it has started, but the problem is that I keep being drawn to the same type of man over and over.
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