3 yrs together, she leaves without even saying goodbye

[DJblue]

My girlfriend of 3 years decided that she was going to move to fresno on saturday. But for some reason she didn't feel like telling me until the day before thanksgiving! 2 days before she was leaving! Anyways, she was thinking of moving on her own to Fresno, which i told her was cool and that if that was what she decided to do, then i would respect that, and i'd wish her good luck and things could have ended on good terms.

 

Well little did i know, but the day before thanksgiving, i was talkin to her on the phone and i caught her in a lie about work. You see, she told me that she had gotten a second job at victoria's secret, and she was supposed to be at work earlier that afternoon, my friend and i were by the mall so we decided to stop by and say hi. i was pretty surprised when we got there and she wasn't there, and then the people there didn't even know who she was. so we left and i waited for her to call me after she got off work at her normal job. When i asked her about it, she dropped the bomb that she was moving on saturday to fresno. I was obviously pissed, called her a bunch of colorful things and hung up the phone on her. And then i pretty much spent the rest of the night in shock, wondering how it had come to this.

 

She was planning on moving for a little while now, but when she had told me about the job she got (i even did a quick resume for her) that she wasn't going to be movin after all. so that made me happy and here I am going about my daily life like things couldn't be better.

 

she knew she was leaving 2 weeks beforehand, and she waited till 2 days before she left to say anything. What's up with that? How is that supposed to make me feel? How can someone look you in the eye and say they love you when they're thinking about moving in 2 days? And I didn't even know!! well anyways, the next day i called her up to apologize for my outburst the night before, but i didn't know what else to do at the time. I just wanted her to tell me why she would do something like that. Why does someone feel the need to add insult to injury?

 

Well, she said on thanksgiving day that she'd bring me by a dinner plate, so we could talk and stuff. Well of course she didn't show up, which hurt a lot, because i don't have a lot of family around here, and she's been it for the last 3 years. So i sent her a couple text messages to see when she'd be by and to say happy thanksgiving and stuff, but i didn't get anything back, she ended up calling be at 2:30am and said she was behind on packing and couldn't make it. She said she'd come by friday night so we could say goodbye. she just keeps kickin me when i'm down too.

 

Now it's friday night, almost midnight, so i sent her a text message asking if she was going to come by or just skip out without saying goodbye. Well an hour passed and she didn't call or text back, so i called her and asked her what was up. She said she wouldn't be coming by. I'm just completely enraged, i mean she wasn't even going to stop and say goodbye after all we've been through together!! i was her first love too!! imagine the pain and anger inside i had. I didn't blow up at her on the phone again though. Instead i just told her she was pathetic, she said 'i'm not pathetic" and i told her yes she was, and hung up the phone. That was it.

 

Saturday came and went, later that night i drove by her house to see if she was for real, the house was dark, all the cars were gone, and her room was as empty is i now felt. i've been in a couple serious relationships before, but i thought this was going to be the woman i was going to spend the rest of my life with. We had the same goals, the same dreams, and we were so in love with each other. And then for her to just leave me hangin like this, it's been the hardest thing that i've had to deal with thus far in my life. I started writing all my feelings down about how selfish i thought she was and how it was wrong to do something like that to someone you once cared for. i wrote maybe a 20 different emails to her in the last week, but after i had finished each one, i'd get ready to send it, and i couldn't do it. So i didn't send her any, and i'm sure she was probably expecting one by now, but who knows maybe she doesn't care at all.

 

I'm doing way better now than I was last week, i've realized how i'm better off without her and everything, but how will there ever be closure now? I've picked up the phone a couple times each day to call, and then i remember why i feel the way i do, I'm pissed!

 

But i won't be the one to call, I'm not expecting her to either, but i still think i deserve an apology for what she had done. I don't want to look back at our relationship seeing only regrets.

 

What would make anybody do something like that? I mean yeah, sure we've been having our problems lately, but to lie to someone and present them with a false sense of reality like that is such a horrible thing. And that's not her, i just don't know what to think.

 

I was thinking that she was just too immature, she's 22 and i'm 26, so we're at different stages in our lives and all, but why couldn't she do things the easy way,

 

WHY DID SHE GO SO FAR OUT OF HER WAY TO HURT ME LIKE THAT, HAS SHE NO SOUL?

[alphamale]

All I can say here is that women ALWAYS take care of themselves and put themselves #1 (unless they have kids).

 

Men should do the same and put themselves first. Anyone who tells you that men are selfish bastards should also look at the female of the species.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Anyways, she was thinking of moving on her own to Fresno, which i told her was cool and that if that was what she decided to do, then i would respect that, and i'd wish her good luck and things could have ended on good terms.

 

You told her yourself that if she wanted to go, she had your blessing to do it so I don't expect she gave it a second thought after that. Everything she did after that point - the lying, the standing you up - what do you expect? You gave her the go-ahead to leave, so she was making her break. It doesn't excuse her behavior, but I can understand why she did it.

 

When i asked her about it, she dropped the bomb that she was moving on saturday to fresno. I was obviously pissed, called her a bunch of colorful things and hung up the phone on her. And then i pretty much spent the rest of the night in shock, wondering how it had come to this.

 

I'm just completely enraged, i mean she wasn't even going to stop and say goodbye after all we've been through together!! i was her first love too!! imagine the pain and anger inside i had. I didn't blow up at her on the phone again though. Instead i just told her she was pathetic, she said 'i'm not pathetic" and i told her yes she was, and hung up the phone.

 

Why would you wonder how it came to that? You told her that it was cool if she moved, and that you'd respect that. So, now you are going to punish her for acting on your words? You don't tell a girl that its ok for her to leave, and that she has your respect and your blessing if you don't mean it. If you didn't want her to leave you should have addressed that right when she told you she wanted to move away in the first place.

 

She apparently had already made enough of a break from you the she didn't feel that she owed you anything, much less a goodbye visit or advanced notice. People who make the break and move on don't consider any history - nor do they feel any need to revisit it. They just make the break and move on. Sounds like that's what she did.

[DJblue]

Yeah, but when we had that conversation, she was still thinking only thinking of it as an option. And I was supposed to end up moving with her but not for a couple months. I said that if she decided to move I would understand, trying not to be selfish on my part. i was doing the right thing i think, so she shouldn't have lied like that and I think I have a right to be pissed after that point, I mean it's affected me in other ways as well. i was under the impression that she was staying here and not moving, but she said that she still had to move out of her house. Now i was supposed to be moving this month, and she knew that I was looking for a place, and we talked about getting a place together. And we talked about moving to fresno together too. so you tell me if she thought that she had my blessing, than why would she talk to me about getting a place together when she didn't have the intention on moving in anyways!! She's just totally messed up in the end, and I'm very bitter about it.

 

But do I stay bitter, and not talk to her anymore? She broke the no contact rule already after a week by sending me an email:

 

Just so you know, I tried to make it over there before I left!! I told you if you walked over I would take you home!! You also could have had bobby bring you over, so do not think you are getting away with blaming this all on me!! I do not appriciate you

deleting my space account either!! I'm guessing that's what you did, since it says no account exists.

 

I was going to come visit you when I came down for christmas, but you obviously didn't consider what my intentions were!!

 

later

 

she lives 7 miles away and she told me to walk over at 1 am. ok that was reasonable. who in their right minds walks for 2 hours just to get dumped? i don't know of anyone, do you? I've got more self respect than that!

[beejsea2]

DJ

 

Why people do the things they do we will never know. I lived with my BF for four years...I thought things were going well. I came home from work one weekend and he was gone. Left a note that made no sense told me he only cared for me didn't love me etc. etc. He moved to California and I live in the Midwest and the last week we spent together he told me he loved me and made plans for our future...in fact a week before we had been talking about marriage.

 

Yeah I was hurt!! I heard from him three weeks later via a message on my answering machine that a check I had written a week before he left didn't make it through the bank by the time I closed our joint account.

 

Be bitter, be angry sometimes people both male and female do some selfish things

[ntovrhm]

alpha male: Uhhh, no.

 

DJblue: Although I do not know what she was like during your relationship, she sounds a bit sociopathic to me. I think anyone in a three-year relationship deserves better than that.

 

I wouldn't respond to her and just try and do your best to move on with things. Someone who would be this cowardly is not someone worth being in a relationship with, and certainly not worth any tears.

 

If someone treated me that poorly, I would just pretend they were dead and live my life like they no longer existed.

 

Good luck.

[jimtash]

My ex is leaving to go to Mississippi this Thursday and it hurts like hell to let her go. She is in fact going to go back to her previous ex before me. The thing that bothers me is that he and I are total opposites of one another from what she told me about him. He is the jealous type and even though she knows that he doesn't trust her (which she said to me), she is still going so WTF? She even reasoned to me that he needs someone to take care of him while I don't. This is total BS. I could understand if our relationship sucked but it was great, not even an argument. And the really sad thing is that she went back to him after about a month of having no contact, one month. She tells me that she loves me but that this has nothing to do with me but her. So what am I supposed to think because I'm feeling pretty used right now?

[DJblue]

That's pretty crazy man. Nothing like a women to strip you of your self-esteem and confidence. my ex emailed me a few days back, trying to blame it on me cause i couldn't make it over to her house to say goodbye to her, i didn't put in any effort she says. Let's see though, I don't have a car, so she wanted me to walk? What is wrong with women these days? They get this warped sense of reality from watching too many movies and they all have low self esteem. She thinks that she has to prove herself to be as hot as she thinks she is. she said that i knew that she wasn't planning on marrying her first love. She's at her prime for dating, and she want's to see what else is out there. She was the type that's always looking for something better, who's always complaining about things never being good enough. What a trip. But you know what i say man, f*ck a b!tch. it ain't even worth a second thought, because we both know that one day they'll realize, and they're going to come back crawling.

 

And that is the day where you get to do them as they did you. Just don't take her back, no matter what, get that implanted in your head, and you'll start feeling a whole lot better about everything. And if she doesn't come back than good for her, at least she's happy, and that should make you happy right? Isn't that the way love is supposed to be?

[jimtash]

Yes love is supposed to be that way, that's why I can't understand why he couldn't leave her alone because she was happy. This is about his happiness, not hers. He even wrote a letter that said that he couldn't stand the fact that the happy voice on the other line was happy because of another man. We were living together for two months and as soon as he calls, she starts having feelings for him all over again. He had to leave very quickly and I know that their relationship was not over yet, but she found something better and that should be enough. I tried to convince her to stay and she said the only thing she has here is me. She says that she needs to find out for herself if they are meant to be, but I know they're not.

[DJblue]

yeah, some people just don't understand what's important in life, and then on top of that they don't ever listen to what anybody else says, they need to find out for themselves. Just like if someone tells you the milk is sour, so you have to smell it just to make sure it really is. You can try to tell someone till you're blue in the face that they're going to get hurt, or they won't be happy, but until they find that out for themselves they won't believe. They don't know what they want in life, and they always doubt what that what they have is what's best. There's always that notion of something better being out there, it's a shame that some people give up a good relationship in search of something they don't even know exists or not. It's crazy, but what i've learned from all this is that my ex and I weren't meant to be, even though i thought so, still do even, but then i look at all the things that have happened, all the lies, all the secrets, and ask myself why would i possibly want to be with someone like that? Maturity is what it all comes down to, and i know my ex is going to get taken advantage of, and used just for sex, and she's going to get hurt. But you know what, that's what she thinks she wants. She wants to get used for whatever, cause it makes her feel better about herself, it's pretty sad, that's what it has to come to. But we've all been hurt before and it'll happen again, I just know that I've done the best i could to show my love, and if that's not good enough, then so be it, i'd rather be with someone who appreciates their time with me, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, you could be on the greener side just not realize it.

[SadFellow2004]

At least your girl didnt cheat on you or leave you for another guy like mine did. She kept telling me the reason she left me was all the problems that she was going through with her own life and that she wasnt ready for another relationship or a serious relationship. But what does she do, she goes back to the guy that she dated for only 2 weeks before she started dating me that just happened to be coming back from Iraq, hes a Marine if you are asking. She thinks that she will never have any arguments with the guy and that relationships should be totally perfect, she will find out though that he wont tolerate all the bull**** that I put up with, the immaturity, whining and bitching of a 20 year old girl who has the mentality of a 16 year old.

[DJblue]

Damn, what a trip, i was in the marines too, but been out for a few years. Anyway, my girl did cheat on me actually, maybe more than once, but one time that she finally admitted too. I had a clue that it happened though, she lied about stuff, and then forgot about what she said so it wasn't too hard to pick up. But yeah i'd be a lot more pissed if she just left me for another guy. Definitely. I even went as far as forgiving her for it, i found out a couple months ago. I was shocked, and it took a lot of time for me to choose whether to forgive her. and after all that she just left anyways. Women are always going to do what either their friends think or what will make them more popular. my ex is 22, but she was 19 when we met, it's always head games with young chicks. That's why i like dating older women, this was the first girl that wasn't older than me, can't say it was a bad experience, but i don't like playing games. Some people are just too afraid of what they are, so they try to be what everyone else thinks is hot. They don't think for themselves, they don't even know who they are really. It doesn't matter though, it's all good, that's life. It's not supposed to be easy, but i'll be damned if i let some worthless bitch keep me down. I'm better than her, that's what i know, and I'm real with everybody. I don't live my life with regrets, and lie or deceive to get my way. I feel sorry for those who have to lie just to kick it.