StanMusial Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I can see where OP is coming from, and I'll tell you why. Back in my clubbing days, you couldn't swing a dead cat and not hit a single mom, many who were drunk as a skunk at 2 AM and leaving the club with some stranger. My gf at the time had several in her crew. One of them told my gf she wished she didn't have a kid. I can honestly say I was disgusted by her. Not to worry though, she was quite attractive and went through guys like water. I recall another incident, me and my buddy picked up these two girls once. We just danced and hung out with them and got digits and then split. Well I never called her, I found out through the grapevine that she had three kids, all with different baby daddies. That's not a mistake, that's a lifestyle. Sure, there are plenty of single moms who had some tough breaks, no doubt about it. But in my experience, there are more than enough who were just plain sorry, irresponsible, and cavalier in their attitudes to generate a feeling of disgust. 1
TB Rhine Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I think I'm gonna come down pretty squarely in the middle on this argument. I would say that an unmarried man (or woman) having kids could reasonably be interpreted as a sign that they've made at least one questionable decision in their life - namely, to get deeply involved enough with someone to have a kid, while at the same time either A) not being a good enough judge of character to anticipate the relationship ultimately wouldn't work out, or B) not taking the time to get to know the person well enough to find out. Many things can mitigate this, of course. Depending on how old the kid is, they may have made this mistake when they were *very* young, and it's possible they've matured quite a bit in the intervening years. It's also possible that their s.o. really *did* die, or that the pregnancy came about accidentally, very early in the relationship, or even as a result of a casual or one-time sexual encounter. What gets me are young women who have multiple kids, often with multiple different fathers. That, to me, is a sign of some really consistently poor decision-making (and of course, the same could be said of a man with a baby mama in every port). All 'moral' or character-related considerations aside, you're still going to have the same issues others have pointed out - a single, non-professional woman with a kid may have a hard time holding a job or getting an education (because the child is such a demand on her time, forcing her to miss work if the kid gets sick or she can't find a sitter, etc). This will also put a strain on your ability to spend time together, and assuming things ultimately DO work out, you'll probably be expected to step up and fulfill at least part of the "Daddy" role in the child's life. It's a lot to contemplate taking on. 1
veggirl Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 OP no worries. I am 30 and will NOT date a guy with kids, or a guy that has been married. There are still plenty of people our age without kids. It's quite easy not to get pregnant--if you are using birth control properly.
Robert Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Let's keep the personal attacks and insults off this thread, the thread is controversial and if you cannot post without using words that are meant to personally insult rather than debate then take the infraction with a smile, thanks
runningfar Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 (edited) I'm divorced after infidelity. If my body hadn't decided to fail me in the manner it did, it's possible I'd be a single mom. There was a lot of stress on my relationship from not having the child we planned, but regardless, stress could come from anywhere and he chose to deal with it by cheating. And maybe if we had a child we would have worked it out, but maybe not. Do not say "single mothers" if it's a societal trend upsetting you. And the person who brought up single mothers out drunk in a club at 2 am, I personally have no time from anyone with kid or without out drunk at a club at 2 am. That, to me, is immaturity, so I don't need to judge their age and family status, but only their actions. Surely you see the difference. One would only hope. And, to the other poster, no one is upset if he chooses not to date single mothers. I believe single mothers and their children are better off without men like that. As long as he stays away from them completely and doesn't play with their emotions, that's a personal choice. The terminology "disgusting" and how he posted is the problem. And some of us mentioned our personal choice that we would never date anybody who espoused such views because what it says about how he views people and forgiveness, and what saying such things suggests about his capability for nuance. It's just another personal choice that those of us with plenty of choices get to make. Edited October 6, 2013 by runningfar
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