Mariposa10 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 My pattern has been: denial, depression, anger, acceptance. The hardest months were the first two months... 3
Author melell Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 My pattern has been: denial, depression, anger, acceptance. The hardest months were the first two months... Mine has been exactly the same. Nearing month 4 now, and I am comfortable. I am not sure if I am going into acceptance or not? I feel really comfortable, not sure how else to describe it, I thought this might be acceptance starting, but maybe it is too soon for it to be that?
Mariposa10 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Mine has been exactly the same. Nearing month 4 now, and I am comfortable. I am not sure if I am going into acceptance or not? I feel really comfortable, not sure how else to describe it, I thought this might be acceptance starting, but maybe it is too soon for it to be that? How long were you guys together? Four months sounds reasonable to start feeling more comfortable with the situation. I hate when people say, "it usually takes half the time you were with your ex." I was with this selfish prick almost 5 years, it can't take two years and a half His actions at the very end are helping me get over him... 2
lauri Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I have my ups and downs, some days I'm great other I find it hard to believe what happened. Im at the "why bother dealing with and thinking about someone who doesn't love me and want to be with me?". It took me 1.5 months to get there, I don't know how long it'll take until I'm fully healed but I'm looking forward to that day . 1
JDPT Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 The month of July which was the month of her birthday. I think I went to hell and back quiet a few times. She dumped me towards the end of May, early July I don't recall anymore. But I do remember the entire month of July was just one big joke for me. 2
Author melell Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 We were together 8 years, so it seems too soon. At least 5 of the 8 years were more than bad. He cheated on my after 2 years, when I was 18. A drunken night, I forgave it, shouldn't have. I read earlier a post saying month 4 was the worst. I am hoping it doesn't take half the time we were together as well! Also hoping there isn't a time to come where it is worse than the first 2 months..
Nancy87 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Every month is miserable for me. esp its first 10 days
Author melell Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Every month is miserable for me. esp its first 10 days What is holding you back, Nancy?
Vinsanity1307 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I am going on month 3 after a 5 year relationship and it is awful. it feels like the anxiety kicked up a lot seeing im almost at 3 months... It sucks.. In depression right now. i dont wish this on anyone...
Author melell Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 I remember being pretty depressed near the start of month three. But that went away pretty quickly. 1
Helloprincess Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Begining of month number 3 was horrible. but it lasted about 2 weeks. I am starting to feel better everyday!! 1
lindsay1990 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I know everyone says this but it was the one immediately after I broke NC. Because I needed to restart my whole internal closure process. To anybody on the fence, if you are NC, stay that way.
Vinsanity1307 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 So seems like month three is the worst...Yeah Its pretty bad right now....just entering it....
Author melell Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 I think there are lots of residual things that come up after the first few months where we are dealing with the most obvious parts of it. Each set back I have I remind myself that I am one step closer to being free of all of this. I have actually gotten to a point where I see the hard times as beneficial long term, and as much as they hurt at the time, I am okay with feeling bad, because I know it will end, and I know it is part of moving on. One thing that has helped hugely, and I don't believe I would feel so good otherwise, is the last month where I have really stopped myself from spending too much time thinking about everything. Every time thoughts popped into my head I would stop myself and start thinking about something I was working towards (completely unrelated to my ex), after 2 weeks of doing this I stopped thinking about him as much. It isn't on my mind before I fall asleep, or when I wake up in the morning. I also stopped thinking about myself in reference to relationships. Now I am at the point where I don't think about who I'll be with/if I'll be happy/will I meet someone. I decided to let everything related to that go. I really do think these two things helped me a lot. 1
Real36 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Things started to get better for me in month 2. Now I'm in Month 3 and am having a hard time because he keeps popping up. Feel like I'm starting the whole process again.
BC1980 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I'm going on 6 months post breakup, 2 months NC. I also feel months 3-4 were the worst because the shock had worn off, and I was having to accept the reality. This past summer was just a blur that I don't care to repeat. Though I have my moments, I'm feeling a lot better, a drastic improvement when I began NC. There have been some moments when I felt the loss so deeply, but I was able to work through it. They are becoming fewer. It's does get better. It's not the same, but it's not as bad as it was. I have been able to gain objectivity, which has helped. 1
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 At 2.5 months I started to feel the release of pain. Like I was moving futher away from it and him. Then a friend told me she saw him on a dating site and showed me his photo before I knew what she was doing. That sparked the trigger of obsession and I texted him. 10 days later its hurting all over again. But his treatment of me these last few days show me how sick he is and in a way helps to remind me how his leaving was a gift. A gift wrapped in sandpaper. 1
BrightHope Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I remember being pretty depressed near the start of month three. But that went away pretty quickly. Oh man....I'm at ten weeks. I hope you are right, and it will go away quickly
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I'm at a few months and really starting to feel pretty good. Once you accept its over i think then is when you really start to move forward. I also tend to try and think about the bad times, how he treated me at the end, the things I didnt like about him, which makes me go oh well, better off, feelin sorry for his next victim. It really does get better with time. And rather then focusing on "us" or them you start to think about yourself and your own life, doing things that make you happy. There's a real sense of freedom that comes with that.
Peanut9330 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 First month was the worst by far because during that month all the good memories kept floating around in my head. No matter what I did I couldn't get those thoughts out of my head. Then it was mostly downhill for me with a few bumps here and there. I try to rationalize my feelings whenever I'm hurt or going through a hard time. It's my method of moving forward I try to stay positive and keep focused on my goal. It really helps me get through my struggles in life.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 The two month mark was the worst -- I actually bought one of those "How to get back your ex" things at that point. Luckily I realized how dumb that was and got my money back. Month 3 (one month NC) was crappy as well, but after that it slowly improved. I had a bit of a setback after going on a flurry of dates at the six month mark, but I kept NC and got over that pretty quickly. I broke NC after 5.5 months knowing that I was all good no matter what and it went fine.
templeofmax Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) Breakup on the 19th of April, my grandpa died on the 20th of April, so I´d say May was pretty ****ed up, but I still had hope for her and me, June, no answer whatsoever and found out she went to travel, July I went to Las Vegas for a convention and it was one of the worst times of my life seeing all the couples around having fun, while she was traveling with cousins in South America and I was at a hotel by myself thinking non-stop of her, August started to feel a bit better and began to be myself again, September I was going into acceptance and not missing her as much, but now in October I have started to miss her a bit stronger again! I have only gone NC during the two months in the summer, and now one month. Random texts before, not stalker-like, but more about understanding her, but missing her. My last messages I knew she wouldn´t answer, so I was not getting hurt by that anyhow. She has been No contact for 6 months now, but I am beginning to miss her again. Thank goodness the depressive months are over! I lost like 20 lbs. Started working out again, started my internship, went back to my funny, hyperactive self and actually improved a lot from where I was before. My insecure ex is working on herself as far as I know, but I got so many questions on my mind cause she broke it off just like that after a fight, very immature! So I am at the angry/missing phase. Its a rollercoaster still. Her whole family sees me as the devil, so unfairly, as if I was to blame for my ex´s insecurities. I was not a saint, but gave so much to her and feel like she has been soo ungrateful. I don´t deserve to be ignored for 6 months. I deserved a better goodbye, some closure, whatever! Sometimes I wish I could go to her place, wait for her camly and see what would happen! If she would talk to me, at least answer my questions cause it has been so hard moving on, partly because of the way she ended things, like if I was a street dog. I know someday she will regret it when she can´t find someone that compares to what I gave to her and I hope by then I can be strong enough to let her know that I am in a happy relationship with someones who appreciates who I am and not for what I can provide so she feels better about herself!!! That´s the anger right there, but I miss her as well!!! Edited October 16, 2013 by templeofmax
lhvu1 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 It's now 4.5 months and I am really struggling we haven't gone NC yet but I know I need to gather the strength to do this soon for my own sanity.
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