crod Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 PLEASE HELP I am currently in a serious relationship with my girlfriend of about 3 years. To make sure you have an understanding of how we met I'd just like to say that we met online and spent about a year or 2 speaking over the phone. I guess around the last year of our relationship we have flown back and forth many times and now she is here with me and we are moving in together. Three days ago our relationship was fine. We were happy and there were no problems, or so I thought. Anyway, 3 days ago she found out that I watch porn and masturbate to it, which I have done for a long time. She was upset and we got into an argument about it and so I decided to come clean about it. Somehow we got onto the topic of music videos and if I ever masturbated thinking about the girls on there, and I admitted because I was trying to keep things clean. At this point we were arguing very badly and she couldn't understand how I could fantasize about other women. She decided to ask a bunch of guy friends I have on my buddylist if it was normal and she (kinda) got relaxed about that by everyone saying fantasizing and masturbating even with anyone in mind is normal. Well at this point we had already gone over some troubling times I had my first year of college (our just about 1 year anniversary as a long distance couple). During this first year I was roomed with party animals and lost focus I guess. At one point I was attracted to a girl that used to visit one of my roommates and I confessed this to my girlfriend because I felt guilty. Now I just recently told my girlfriend that if something were to have happened back than, that I think I couldn't garuntee not cheating if something happened, I just don't know what would have happened. At this point I've cleaned out my closet pretty good, mentioning all girls that I spoke to and all potential situations that might have come up where if temptation accord, I wasn't sure of myself that I could stop it. She has even had me feeling guilty about who I have fantasized about, and so I felt I should tell her and I have, and there have been times of her best friend being in the fantasy. She is now very pissed at me and wants to know when I have a boner and what I am thinking of. She wants me to tell her who I fantasize about all the time and she wants me to not fantasize. She has gotten very upset and has questioned my love for her and my attraction toward her. She does have low self-esteem, as do I. Now that she has brought up this idea that I could be "forcing" myself to love her and be attracted to her, I find that I can't get it off my mind. All I think about is how I can find out if I'm in love with her and attracted to her. Everything I ask myself, I question it's validity. And now that I question my love for her, I question my faithfullness or strength to resist temptation. I thought I was strong, but what if I'm not? What if the situations comes up and I can't say "no" like I thought I could? I'm really losing my mind here I feel like I have no where to turn and no way to get a solution. I have a lose of appetite and it is hard for me to go to sleep. She knows about these feelings and I'm trying to get things straight. I've asked if I should talk to a family member or go see a hypnotherapist so I can get to the bottom of this. Could I really force myself into loving her and being attracted to her for this long? I can't imagine losing everything we have worked and strived for. I transferred out of college to be with her and I've done many things for her. Please, if I'm over reacting or if I should go see a therapist I need to know, I think I'm going crazy! Please someone help me!
moimeme Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 It's impossible to force yourself to love anybody. How do you feel at the thought of never seeing her again? If that vision of the future leaves you bleak and crushed, chances are pretty good that you love her. And if you need to keep yourself in line in the future, just think about how you'd feel if she was not in your life anymore because that is the real consequence possible when you cheat.
Author crod Posted December 1, 2004 Author Posted December 1, 2004 I've always dreaded the thought of us not being together. When we were apart I was anxious for us to be together because it was hard living in a long distance relationship. Now I find it hard to think about anything without questioning myself. I have always been scared to not have her in my life but what if now I'm coming out of this so called "denial" that I can't see that far ahead? She brought up the idea of a break but I don't know how that would work because we are in bad situations trying to move intogether and living across the country. If she goes back then she said she won't come back, I would have to go there. This would be terrible because I'm already planning another college transfer, and if I have to go through another I'm sure it would be a bad thing, which means we would be back to having a long distance relationship till I finish college, and no I would not like to be in a long distance relationship again because it was very hard. I really can't think anymore I don't know what is wrong with me. Can a psychiatrist hypnotize me and tell me what I am really feeling without all this crap clouding my mind? I am really losing my mind I think I'm going crazy.
bluechocolate Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=52445
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