kirsten65 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Hi guys I've found myself here - it's taken 4 months. I found out in June my husband cheated on me - well I started finding out in May but things came out in dribs and drabs. It went on for 12 months (March 12 to March 13) but it wasn't just one affair - it was many! I know of about 5 - I'll never get a true answer on just how many (and btw, the first thing I made him do was get tested and all was clear). Also they weren't the usual run of the mill affairs - he didn't court these women, take them out, buy them flowers - nothing like that. He met them on sex sites and just met up for sex. Still cheating is cheating. Anyway, I've been to hell and back since May a few times. I made the decision to try and work at our marriage. My husband is completely remorseful and trying extremely hard to make things work. He is also now attending therapy for his obsession with these sex sites and his need to attact attention from other women. My problem is trust. I really don't know if I ever will trust him again and if I can't I don't want to live like that. He lied to me over and over again for 14 months and still tried to lie when the truth started coming out. How do I now differentiate between a lie and a truth in what he tells me? I'm not looking for miracle answers here - I just wondered how many of you are managing to trust again and how you are doing it? If you've read this far thank you K
r321148 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I'm really sorry you're having to go through this it must be so tough for you at the moment. You're right in that if you can't trust him then things won't work. All relationships need trust and he has broken yours in a big way. Firstly: if he is serious about working on his issues then I guess that is a good start, but I think you need to see and establish that he is really changing his ways. Secondly once he has shown his commitment to change then it probably comes down to you as a person. If you can forgive and truly move on with a clean slate then it may work out, however I'd imagine this will be really hard and will take a lot of time. Please be careful though and think of yourself. I'm all for second chances but you have to draw a line somewhere. This did go on for a year so it isn't like it was a one off mistake. Unfortunately I don't really have any useful answers for you but I do wish you the best in whatever you decide.
Author kirsten65 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thank you for your reply it was very helpful. My husband is very sorry for what he did and he really is trying hard to make things right again. I guess I just have to be patient with myself and hope the trust returns. K
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