irc333 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 This post was inspired, believe it or not by the "OLD and the games people play" thread. Though this may not necessarily apply to online dating either, but the demise of marriages and/or relationships and the behaviors that attribute to that. I have a friend from college, we were both early 20's at the time and he sister late 20's and on her own....her late sister was married and divorced twice already. And she said, "Some people aren't just aren't marriage material" and from what I understand her sister is now living a life of single hood, traveling the globe to see where wind takes her next (apparently she's kind of the new age , artsy, gypsy types). It took her 2 marriage/divorces to realize this and now is content in probably being unmarried during her existence, which she may be doing a favor for men who do want to get married or have a long term relationship. It's a "I'll only spend time with you when it's convenient to me" world these days, and it's getting more prevalent. I think some people , maybe subliminally or actually consciously, are only getting into dating, marriage or relationships, when they really aren't cut out ESP. for marriage. It's like they go into it for themselves and not the one they're with. They aren't willing to compromise, not even for the small things. It's more of a "I want my cake and eat it, too" situation, and it's on the rise. I mean, I'm sure you've seen it in the dating profiles, those demanding "Must haves" lists where some even end their sentences in double exclamation points!! Sure they may eventually find someone and marry them, only to run into some bumps along the way and then realize they aren't cut out for marriage, and get out of it. This being said, do you think people are simply not marriage or even long term relationship material even though they think they are and is that why people tend to break up a lot? I am just tying in all this flaky behavior to that. That desire to really build any true closeness to anyone is even around anymore? 1
denise_xo Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I think it partially comes down to this: Marriage used to be a necessity. Socially, it wasn't really an option to remain single, you were expected to marry and have children. Moreover, you needed children because children were a) necessary labour on your farm and/or for your business, and b) your pension and health care plan in old age. Also, in many societies women were not financially independent, and stayed in a marriage for that reason, and men would also get social flack for initiating divorce 'without reason'. Finally, I don't think people were told, to the same extent as today, that marriage was about ever lasting love or being with a 'soul mate'. Today, a lot of the practical reasons for marriage are gone: women are for the most part financially independent, the social stigma of divorce is to a considerable extent gone, many countries have extended welfare systems, you can set up pension plans and health insurances for old age, children are more of an expense than a source of income and security for old age, and on top of that I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations for what a relationship can provide. My two cents. 2
Author irc333 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 This would may be true for certain cultures and family practices, but to dedicate your entire life to someone was more about being with mainly because you want to, desire to, desire to be around them, and of course love them. I think it partially comes down to this: Marriage used to be a necessity. Socially, it wasn't really an option to remain single, you were expected to marry and have children. Moreover, you needed children because children were a) necessary labour on your farm and/or for your business, and b) your pension and health care plan in old age. Also, in many societies women were not financially independent, and stayed in a marriage for that reason, and men would also get social flack for initiating divorce 'without reason'. Finally, I don't think people were told, to the same extent as today, that marriage was about ever lasting love or being with a 'soul mate'. Today, a lot of the practical reasons for marriage are gone: women are for the most part financially independent, the social stigma of divorce is to a considerable extent gone, many countries have extended welfare systems, you can set up pension plans and health insurances for old age, children are more of an expense than a source of income and security for old age, and on top of that I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations for what a relationship can provide. My two cents.
Author irc333 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Yeah, the internet dating of the mid 90's wasn't as bad. Now I'm sick of seeing disclaimers, "If I haven't responded to your email, it is because I wasn't interest, but good luck in your search". It's these constant disclaimers that kind of show how automated and clinical people can be online. Before the internet and the real world were pretty seperate from each other..but now...they've blended..... I've noticed some women don't like being approached in public more often, their faces buried in their Iphones, texting or their ear plugs stuck in their ears on their treadmill. One woman on an online dating profile stated, "Do not bother me at the gym when I have my headphones on" Did she just mistake the real world for the virtual one?? Is she actually telling the male internet audience to leave her alone at the gym?? I mentioned the same thing in a post. I have noticed the same gradual trend as well. When I first joined an OLD site in 2010....I did not see such drastic, specific, must have lists that I see all over the place now. And I also believe its not just OLD....people in general are becoming more and more precise and picky. Social media is also at play.....giving people the power to be more picky with more choices at the tap of a finger
denise_xo Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 This would may be true for certain cultures and family practices, but to dedicate your entire life to someone was more about being with mainly because you want to, desire to, desire to be around them, and of course love them. Which cultures and time periods are you referring to here?
Author irc333 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) Which cultures and time periods are you referring to here? No need to be specific, just saying that its more of a cultural thing. People didn't simply get married because it was convenient or practical....though I'm sure some wanted to take a cold, clinical business outlook in a loveless marriage though. I recall a woman on POF that said after 10 years of marriage, they finally split...why? Because she was never attracted to him in the first place, she was separated at the time, and their prolonged divorce was due to him still needing her around to run the accounting software until the close of their partnership/business. Then finally, they split up and pending divorce. Quite a foolish way to go into a marriage, but it their mistake. This makes me wonder how many loveless marriages are there currently? Edited October 5, 2013 by irc333
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Societies run in cycles. We are currently a declining society. This is why you are seeing what you are seeing. When we hit rock bottom, things will swing in the other direction.
Author irc333 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Societies run in cycles. We are currently a declining society. This is why you are seeing what you are seeing. When we hit rock bottom, things will swing in the other direction. Hopefully, perhaps we'll drop into the dark ages due to overpopulation and the overusing our resources, then women will flock to the first guy that eyeballs them in the ""village" lol Anyhow, I think in my situation and probably many other men, for me people think "How come you've never been married at your age?" Of course there are quite a few shockers out there of men that are doing well, never married, no kids...doing well on the job, nice salary...they own their own home, etc. But people are scratching their heads wondering "How in the world is he still single??" Chances are he's tried but may have kind of been not necessarily bitter, but not as "girl crazy" as he used to pursuit has waned only because some women ...don't help matters much when it comes to dating. Recently, even though this one woman will talk my ear off on the phone, she always comes up with an excuse not to get together...I got tired of her and moved on. I've heard some women actually complain a guy's problem is he doesn't try hard enough to "attain" that very same women, that they "give up too easily" and that's why they are still single. I"m single , still, because I meet a lot of fickle women and of course THEY are perpetually single (not dateless), due to their flakey behavior.
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