cmm196934 Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I am in the process of a messy divorce. My soon to ex has a new fiance and they live together. Our three sons visit him on every Wed and every other weekend. My delimma is this he keeps telling the boys we are not getting divorced and that he still loves their mother, he does this away from his girlfriend. When he is around her he tells the boys that they are getting married. My middle child asked me why I won't let daddy come home, I asked him who told him that and he said his daddy. What is wrong with this man? What do I tell my children? My therapist says he is going though a mid life crisis.
missopinionated Posted December 1, 2004 Posted December 1, 2004 'Kay, that's not a mid-life crisis, that's a guy who lies to everyone he is near. You probably know this, but what he's doing to your boys is really nasty and weird and not nice. So. Here's the deal. If you know what's going on and if there is for sure a divorce going to happen, then tell your kids that. Next, get your ex onto neutral ground -- a restaurant, perhaps -- bring the kids and have a little family briefing. Good idea to ask him to join you for this and to explain what is going to happen, why and when. Your goal is not to put him on the spot, which is why you get agreement from him on what's going to go down. The goal is to get your kids on even ground and put a stop to your ex's BS. As for the new girlfriend, lucky her! He sounds like quite a prize. For your own sanity, you might try making a list of all his good and bad qualities. Then, when you're ready to try dating again, put the list of good qualities on your fridge and put the other list in your pocket -- where you can refer to it often during dates and show it to your date if they need to know why you've just thrown a drink on them and why you're leaving them in with the bill.
Author cmm196934 Posted December 1, 2004 Author Posted December 1, 2004 Thanks for the advice. i just wish this was all over with now but, it's not. I will always love him we were together for 18 years. He is someone I thought I knew and now the person I loved and knew is gone. I feel as if he is using the children to get at me and that is wrong. He always questions the boys about me. He has gone crazy.
Missopionionateds Posted December 2, 2004 Posted December 2, 2004 He hasn't gone crazy. He's a male whose ego has been hurt and who has lost his woman. Never underestimate how weird people are when they're hurt. Your FIRST priority is your boys. They need to know these things: Their mom loves them That strong men deal with their problems head on Real men don't lie or manipulate Their family is strong and they will not be abandoned by you
Recommended Posts