antineutrino Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Basically what the title says. We chatted semi-briefly 1-2 hours ago. When should I text her to give her my number? Also, what should I be texting her? I'm a total noob when it comes to the bar scene, so I'm not sure how this works.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Tomorrow morning, probably. That's what I'd expect if I gave out my number. And just text her saying, it was nice getting to know her (if you talked in the bar quite a bit) and if she'd like to go out some time for dinner? 1
Versacehottie Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 hmmmm, you can text today. But you said something about wanting to give her your number as if once she did, she would initiate additional texting conversations. Sure she will have from when you text her but don't expect her to be the one who initiates contact once she has. You should be the one to ask her out and make contact at the beginning. I would ask her out when you start texting her today. Presumably she gave you her number in a romantic sense. It shows self-confidence which is attractive to ask her out and be confident in that was reason she gave you her number. If she doesn't like you, you will just know that much sooner. Good luck.
candie13 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 hum... Sunday morning is better, if you ask me. You're busy on Saturday night . Usually, I agree that contacting the person sooner rather than later is the thing to do. Next day is fine... except for Saturday.
yankees51988 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Don't really overthink it, if you feel like going out one night this week just shoot her a text saying something like hey im blah blah i met you at the bar the other night let's go out. No reason you have to contact her asap the next morning if you aren't trying to hang out with her that night, that's trying a little too hard. Def don't go with the whole "Hey I met you at the bar last night and I LOOOOOOOOOOVEEE talking to you, would love to meet up and talk some more. We should plan a first date at this expensive restaurant on me in a week on the evening of thursday at 8 PM- Please RSVP immediately" mumbo jumbo 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Personally, if a guy got my number, I'd expect him to text me the following morning. If he doesn't, I lose interest and assume he is playing the field. Which is none of my business, but not appealing for me, and not conducive to building up my interest. If he texts me on a Saturday morning or afternoon, I wouldn't assume he's a loser who has nothing better to do with his life. If he doesn't text me the following day, I would assume he is playing games. Never a good thing for me to assume that, in terms of the level of my interest in someone. Don't ask her out for that same day or even for Sunday, when you text or call her. But do text/call her, and if you want to ask her out, just give her the standard "do you want to have dinner with me some time next week?" No specifics at that point, just that question. That way you're not sounding overeager but you are demonstrating interest by being prompt while putting the ball in her court.
Joaquin Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Text the following day. Something light. Call in a day or two and ask her out.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 A man I met at the bar on a Saturday afternoon this summer, asked me for my number. I gave him my number, and he didn't text me until Monday or Tuesday. By that point, I had totally forgotten about him and had assumed it was one of those things where people ask for numbers when in the heat of things but aren't really interested in following up. So I lost interest and never really regained it. I just didn't even reply to his text at that point. But that's just me.
Zahara Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Swingers. It's a classic. Watch it. Don't be a Mikey. Don't put so much thought into it. Just do it. As for what to say? Something light..."Hi ABC, it was a pleasure meeting you last night. I enjoyed your company and if you'd like to get together again sometime soon, let me know." Get the drift?
yankees51988 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I dunno, if I got ""do you want to have dinner with me some time next week?" from a chick I would think that is a little strange. Like how the hell should I know where I'll be in a week or what I will be doing or if something comes up? Plus I will probably forget, lol. Like just ask me again in a week when you actually wanna go out. "Hey wanna grab some dinner or drinks tonight?" "Sure" or "I'm busy tonight but lets get together tomorrow or something, I'll give ya a call" is much preferable than "Ok I will meet you at the corner of fancy restaurant ave and boner st at 8:30 pm sharp." Ok, exaggeration but yeah, you get it- basically don't think so much about stuff and you will find life much less complicated.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I haven't found it to really matter, as long as you don't wait too long. If you met her at a bar, you probably should have just tried to have sex with her that night. 1
Zahara Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 If you met her at a bar, you probably should have just tried to have sex with her that night. Ugh. Not everyone is out there to just stick one in. 1
Joaquin Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Ugh. Not everyone is out there to just stick one in. Most girls kinda expect a guy to try tho. At least a good night kiss.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Most girls kinda expect a guy to try tho. At least a good night kiss. No. I've hung out in bars (on my own) and I'd find the idea of a guy I just met kissing me goodnight creepy. I'd probably slap the guy if he tried that.
Joaquin Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 No. I've hung out in bars (on my own) and I'd find the idea of a guy I just met kissing me goodnight creepy. I'd probably slap the guy if he tried that. You've never snogged a guy you met in a bar? I find that unusual for a girl.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I dunno, if I got ""do you want to have dinner with me some time next week?" from a chick I would think that is a little strange. Like how the hell should I know where I'll be in a week or what I will be doing or if something comes up? Plus I will probably forget, lol. Like just ask me again in a week when you actually wanna go out. "Hey wanna grab some dinner or drinks tonight?" "Sure" or "I'm busy tonight but lets get together tomorrow or something, I'll give ya a call" is much preferable than "Ok I will meet you at the corner of fancy restaurant ave and boner st at 8:30 pm sharp." Ok, exaggeration but yeah, you get it- basically don't think so much about stuff and you will find life much less complicated. I find it offensive if someone suggests, hey let's hang out on this day or that day. I mean, that's basically telling the girl that you think/know that she has nothing better to do and no other plans and is just able to meet you on the day that you mention. I'd at least want to be asked if such and such day works out for me. Like "Let's hang out some time. Would Tuesday work? " And there's no point in telling her you'll call her, if you suggested hanging out on a certain date. At that point, if you said you'll call her, she won't respond to your text and expect that you will call her. Then, you might assume that because she said nothing in response, that she's not interested. Some guys end up not calling because they assumed she'd reply, when in fact they gave the wrong signal , that they will call her. Misunderstandings happen. Reduce the chances of it , by not being on two minds about whether you expect her to confirm her availability by text or when you call her. It should really be very simple and straightforward. Just ask her if she's up for dinner/drinks/whatever, and which day works best for her (or suggest a day and ask if that works for her). Just don't assume / be so assertive. Some men think assertiveness is attractive, but that level of assertiveness signals an assumption that she doesn't have a life and that you expect her to put everything aside for someone she just met at a bar. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 You've never snogged a guy you met in a bar? I find that unusual for a girl. I've picked up men in bars, but I went there with the intention of getting a ONS (and gave the guys such signals by my flirtation, etc.). When I am not there for a ONS (and I often am not, am just enjoying my drink or dinner), I find it creepy for a man to touch me in any shape or form. And I don't kiss them in the bar, even when I am trying to pick them up for a ONS.
Zahara Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Most girls kinda expect a guy to try tho. At least a good night kiss. Nope. I'm sorry that these are the types that you have encountered.
yankees51988 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I find it offensive if someone suggests, hey let's hang out on this day or that day. I mean, that's basically telling the girl that you think/know that she has nothing better to do and no other plans and is just able to meet you on the day that you mention. I'd at least want to be asked if such and such day works out for me. Like "Let's hang out some time. Would Tuesday work? " And there's no point in telling her you'll call her, if you suggested hanging out on a certain date. At that point, if you said you'll call her, she won't respond to your text and expect that you will call her. Then, you might assume that because she said nothing in response, that she's not interested. Some guys end up not calling because they assumed she'd reply, when in fact they gave the wrong signal , that they will call her. Misunderstandings happen. Reduce the chances of it , by not being on two minds about whether you expect her to confirm her availability by text or when you call her. It should really be very simple and straightforward. Just ask her if she's up for dinner/drinks/whatever, and which day works best for her (or suggest a day and ask if that works for her). Just don't assume / be so assertive. Some men think assertiveness is attractive, but that level of assertiveness signals an assumption that she doesn't have a life and that you expect her to put everything aside for someone she just met at a bar. Whoaaa... I think you read too into that. No one is making any assumptions, just seeing if they are free. If not, then no biggie. It doesn't mean I think she isn't good enough to be busy, lol. I'm just a spontaneous person and don't really know what I am going to be doing until that day/night, especially on the weekends. Hell right now I have no clue what I am doing tonight or if I am even going to go out and party at all. If you asked me monday what I was doing saturday I would not know- it is saturday and I still do not know what I am doing tonight, lol. If she is busy that night just tell me you're busy- then ok, what day are you free? Tuesday? Well we should get together, then. She doesn't have to put anything aside, no reason to take offense if she can't make it out. And she won't respond to a text because you said you would call instead? Lol, that is just silly. Nowhere did anyone say she didn't have a life. "It should really be very simple and straightforward. Just ask her if she's up for dinner/drinks/whatever, and which day works best for her (or suggest a day and ask if that works for her)." Agree here, see a lot of people on here trying to like dance around it and sugar coat it. Like they say- KISS "Keep it simple stupid".
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 ^ lol, I was just pointing out that wording makes a lot of difference. There's a lot of misunderstanding/miscommunication risks in texting. Also, if someone said he'll call me after texting me, I'd just assume he sent me the text so I'd have his number before he calls me, and that I don't have to respond to the text because he will call me soon. I don't like texts in the first place, so I'd feel like if I reply by text, I'd be signaling that I prefer to arrange the date via text. *shrug*
candie13 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I dunno, if I got ""do you want to have dinner with me some time next week?" from a chick I would think that is a little strange. Like how the hell should I know where I'll be in a week or what I will be doing or if something comes up? Plus I will probably forget, lol. Like just ask me again in a week when you actually wanna go out. "Hey wanna grab some dinner or drinks tonight?" "Sure" or "I'm busy tonight but lets get together tomorrow or something, I'll give ya a call" is much preferable than "Ok I will meet you at the corner of fancy restaurant ave and boner st at 8:30 pm sharp." Ok, exaggeration but yeah, you get it- basically don't think so much about stuff and you will find life much less complicated. It depends on the personality. If a guy asked me if I had dinner plans for tonight, I'd think his plans just got cancelled and I am the most easy in hand entertainment. It also means that he might think I don't have a live or he expects me to drop everything to meet him. Nope. On the contrary, if a guy ask me if I'd like to have dinner in a week's time, I'd appreciate it, because he acknowledges that I may actually have a personal life, is giving me the choice - when to meet - and he is actually putting the effort into planning a date. Maybe a week is a bit further away, but I like a guy who takes his time to plan a whole evening with me - secure a date, choose a restaurant, make reservations, etc. Totally turned on by a guy who's not afraid of taking control, instead of playing it by the ear. I live in Europe, people make plans weeks in advance. I always pretty much have my schedule planned three days in advance. I am also very keen on my personal space... I admit I may be more work than a regular girl, though. There's no risk proof way of acting or reacting, when it comes to setting up the first date. The only thing that matters is to land that first date and realize if you have chemistry with the other person. Once you get confirmation that there is chemistry, act upon it. Fast. No more dates in a week's time.
Author antineutrino Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Thanks for the input/discussion everyone. I ended up texting her earlier this afternoon and her response was receptive. So basically just 'ignore' that response and then try to set something (for later in the week) up in 1-2 days?
Blastoplast Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Send her a text in a few days -- re-iterate that you had a good time the other night and suggest you'd like to do lunch with her some time. It's quick, easy, non-invasive and is a good way to get to know each other a little better.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I've picked up men in bars, but I went there with the intention of getting a ONS (and gave the guys such signals by my flirtation, etc.). When I am not there for a ONS (and I often am not, am just enjoying my drink or dinner), I find it creepy for a man to touch me in any shape or form. And I don't kiss them in the bar, even when I am trying to pick them up for a ONS. This is very strange. How's this strategy working out for you?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Thanks for the input/discussion everyone. I ended up texting her earlier this afternoon and her response was receptive. So basically just 'ignore' that response and then try to set something (for later in the week) up in 1-2 days? Just roll with it man. I've found that you should hang out with the girl as soon as possible, but don't sound needy about it.
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