mtnbiker3000 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 And realized just how much I miss my ex. A big mistake I know, but I compared our first date to tonight and realized how she was an absolute gift from heaven at that time. I mean it was unbelievable for months and months. Just unbelievable. I remember thinking to myself how lucky I was and how all the waiting, for years, finally paid off. How all of the puzzle pieces of my life finally seemed to fit together. How a person like her would even be interested in a person like me. She was so beautiful, funny, smart, and an extremely talented artist and athlete. Everyone loved her. She could have her pick of guys, and she chose… me. Pursued me. Seduced me. And I gladly accepted. Then, how ugly the end was just 3 short years later. How she now despises me. Now thinks I am not worth a damn. How confused and hurt I have been these last 7 months post BU. It’s all just too much to process. I've been dating on and off for the last few months, but tonight is really having an effect on me. Was looking forward to tonight for the last 10 days and it just didn't deliver. Now it’s shining a light on all of the negativity I have been working so hard to move past. Feeling really low right now. Been NC for close to 7 months and have no desire to contact her or get back with her. Just perplexed at how my life has spiraled so far downward in such a short period of time. Done a complete 180. Flipped me on my head. It’s just too much. Set back? I dunno. Just confused and hurt, I guess… When will her grip on me release? Grrrrrr. I’m going to bed. I hope tomorrow is a bit brighter. Moral of this rant: Probably too soon to date? Not sure. All I know is, I don’t know anything anymore… 2
melell Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I hope you feel better tomorrow. Try to remember that it is all a process, and you will get there. AND remember there is like 3.5 billion females on this planet- don't let this one date throw you off balance
h0000 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I think you just havent met a good date yet. Good girls are hard to find of course it will take a while. yeah..i reckon lots of dumpees even come back for the exact reason: months after,after numerous dates, it suddenly hits on them and makes them feel so down that they still havent found someone as good as their ex..so they go back and beg
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Thanks!! I appreciate it. I'm sure I'll get back to business soon enough. Just feel... blah right now
Trimmer Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Moral of this rant: Probably too soon to date? Not sure. All I know is, I don’t know anything anymore… Given that you just went on a first date tonight, but your entire post was about your ex, and you didn't even mention how the date went or anything about it (I suppose we can infer something from that) I would say something is out of balance... Did you have a good time? An OK time? Is this someone you might have enjoyed the time with, if not for the burden of your ex weighing upon you? 4
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) It was fun, I guess. But absolutely no spark whatsoever. None. E-mailed and chatted for a week or so and was really looking forward to it... but nothing. Like hanging out with my unattractive cousin. Probably way too much expectation... Yeah, I guess that post was all about the ex. Didn't even realize it when writing/feeling it. Thanks for the insight!! BTW - Trimmer, love the sig. Flooooyd =) Edited October 5, 2013 by mtnbiker3000
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I've only been broken up a few months and not dating but when i look around at guys in the world, or just meet a new guy and not even thinking of dating them, I still compare all of them to my ex. Its sad and I hope Im not like this forever or I will never find anyone else.
Fashiongal Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I'm sorry you had a bad night. Hopefully you feel better when you wake up. There are plenty of other girls out there and eventually you will find someone that you spark with. I hope god has a plan for all of us and maybe she was just practice for when you do meet the right one. Why does she despise you? Were you the cause of the break up?
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Why does she despise you? Were you the cause of the break up? I dunno. I'm very confused by it too. I mean, of course I am human and have flaws, as everyone does, and I made mistakes in the RS. Irritated, annoyed and embarrassed her at times. But never, ever on purpose. I gave everything I had to the RS. Never cheated or even slightly thought about it. Never even so much as looked at other women. My therapist said that all of the cute little things that draw you to someone are the same things that will eventually drive you crazy about them. I also think she villainized me to make it easier for her to leave the RS. You know, make me out as a horrible person to justify leaving me... She told me she just didn't feel 'that' way about me any longer, and that was it. Started listing a few petty things that bothered her, but nothing major. Like my snoring for example. Or the fact that I banged my teeth together often and it made a click noise. Stupid crap. We did have some issues regarding compatibility that were small in the beginning but worsened over time. She accused me of being to controlling and critical of her (probably true), and I always thought she didn't do much for the RS or our household. I felt she was mostly looking out for herself only, hence my control and criticism. So, that grew and grew as well. But I wasn't ready to call it quits for that stuff. I mean, lets work through it. But I definitely was way more into our RS than she was. Especially towards the end. She was just done with it. To sum it up, her problems, big or small, were our problems, but my problems, big or small, were just that. My problems... Guess I should feel relieved to be out and able to look for someone more compatible. But I'm not. Not yet anyway...
mammasita Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 You're definitely not ready. It will happen in time, until then keep working through it. I can completely relate to what you feel. 1
Phthonos Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Hey, at least you had a date, I am 7 months since break up and haven't had that opportunity yet. If anything I have learned is take all the chances you get. remember you took a chance when you met your ex too so why not let the same happen now.
Blastoplast Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 It's ok to not be ready -- you went on a date, thought you hit it off the first time and now the second time you're thinking about your EX. Just take some more time, and not all dates are going to be winners! Since my break up a year and a half ago I've dated about 6 different girls, and I finally found one I really like and she really likes me... just taking it slow and getting to know each other. You will find somebody who will ignite a fire in you again and then your EX will only be a distant memory, although some part of them always stays with you, for better or for worse. 1
cavalier99 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) Its cool man.. your just not ready yet. Youll find one day soon youll go on a date and just have fun whether it works out or not and you wont be thinking about the ex or comparing. youll just think how cool it is to be single and be able to roll with the punches.Thats when your pretty much over it. Cav Edited October 5, 2013 by cavalier99 1
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Not sure. All I know is, I don’t know anything anymore… This is so profound. This tells me you are well on your way to healing. Don't quit, this too shall pass. You will heal through this and come out well...and you will find love. xo 1
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 LOL!!! Not quitting. No way!! Just burned out and tired of going in circles. Tired of me letting my ex continue to strangle my life. Powerless to feel the way I want to. Kind of tired of OLD as well. Just don't think this will be a good choice for me. Especially in this town. Slim pickens!! I need to get out of dodge. Soon!!!
JDPT Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Hey MT I always look forward to your posts. You in imadvertanly talk sense into be believe it or not. With that being said don't beat yourself up man we all go through it. I made the mistake of going out on a date a few weeks ago and what a nightmare that was, I'm certain you know what I mean. I've learned to accept that I will be single until due time. When will due time be? Well who knows, I'm too busy taking care of myself. I clearly miss the shiet out of her day in and day out but I try my hardest to propel myself 5 months after the fact. I wish I could, but there is no wishing in this story just moving forward and you should continue to do the same. We are all here for you brother, we are all on the same boat. 4
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Thanks man. It's like some days I feel like I'm really moving on. And others, like I am still at square one. I hope my posting helps others, because sometimes I feel it's not doing shyte for me I can't even accept the same advice I give people on here all the time. Looking at someone else's situation, it's all so clear. But mine seems so clouded and foggy, when I know it's not. Sometimes I am cool with being single (although it is extremely boring and lonely) and other times I just want to jump into a RS to fill a void. My BU has left me so confused. I don't know whether I am coming or going... This has been, by far, the most difficult challenge I've ever faced in my 42 years. Hope I make it 1
JDPT Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I hear you man I'm 31 and with my ex I thought we were going to be buried together. Life does go on I feel the exact same way you do. Certain days I feel like I'm making profess and others(like tonight) I feel like I get sucked right back in.I like to think I give decent advice and maybe I should start listening to myself and internalizing 99% of the shyt I say. Truth is there is no right way to do this, we need to keep propelling ourselves forward and know that eventually we will live the life we used to. A life filled with joy. 2
cavalier99 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Thanks man. It's like some days I feel like I'm really moving on. And others, like I am still at square one. I hope my posting helps others, because sometimes I feel it's not doing shyte for me I can't even accept the same advice I give people on here all the time. Looking at someone else's situation, it's all so clear. But mine seems so clouded and foggy, when I know it's not. Sometimes I am cool with being single (although it is extremely boring and lonely) and other times I just want to jump into a RS to fill a void. My BU has left me so confused. I don't know whether I am coming or going... This has been, by far, the most difficult challenge I've ever faced in my 42 years. Hope I make it Dude your going to give up soon. I can feel it. Just keep on going. Your a lot closer than you think. !One day yout just going to snap..but in a good way. Youll be so propoundly beaton down it just ends and you wake up and its pretty much over. I had a moment like this at 7 months NC, We can only suffer so much. it is inevitable that you recover. I know it feels like the opposite but eventaully time and NC pulls you foward and it is impossible to suffer any more..believe it or not! Rock on! Cav; 1
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Dude your going to give up soon. I can feel it. Just keep on going. Your a lot closer than you think. !One day yout just going to snap..but in a good way. Youll be so propoundly beaton down it just ends and you wake up and its pretty much over. I had a moment like this at 7 months NC, We can only suffer so much. it is inevitable that you recover. I know it feels like the opposite but eventaully time and NC pulls you foward and it is impossible to suffer any more..believe it or not! Rock on! Cav; Cav, I sooooo hope you're right. I really do. As I mentioned, I will feel pretty good for a while, then relapse back to feeling crappy again. It's a never ending cycle!! Been 7+ months. Plus my B-Day is in about a week, and I think that is messin' with me a bit too. Also, I really think my current living situation is causing problems as well. We moved from a very large area (SF Bay Area) to a pretty small town way up north in CA. Population less than 100,000... I came up here for her and now she's gone. I don't like where I live. I don't like my job, and the dating scene is horrible. I really feel I am stuck until I can get out of here. Farther north to Portland or Seattle, or back down to the Bay Area or even LA... Just not here. It sucks!!!! Miraculously, I haven't bumped into the ex yet, but I know it's only a matter of time.
BC1980 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I understand not being able to date again. I was talking to a really nice guy I met for a few months. I kept putting off going on an actual date until I just realized I was not ready. This was about 3 months post breakup. I would probably go on a date with him now, but he doesn't seem interested anymore. It's very hard to imagine yourself with someone else. My relationship was also 3 years, and we lived together for a year. I also hate where I live. I'm from here but was going to move until I met him. I stayed here, and now I am bound by a contract I signed at work. Sucks big time, but I'm gone once I finish this contract. I've got to have some new scenery, and the dating scene is beyond pitiful. Just lousy really. 1
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