boodes130 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 So my girlfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me about a month ago. It's been the hardest month of my life. We both finished college at the same time and left for different grad schools in different cities. We were happy together and loved each other very much, but she always had her doubts about a LDR. It was always an issue because we both knew it'd happen after graduation. I wanted to try to work it out, but she didn't even give it a chance. Up until our relationship, she never dated anyone for longer than 3 months because of commitment issue. We lasted as long as we did because we got along so well and loved each other; I did love her more than she loved me though. She never officially broke up with me in our last moments together before we both moved away; I guess she just assumed that a breakup would happen and a discussion would not need to happen. I confronted her about it through messaging and skype calls because up until that point, she was messaging me like no breakup had ever happened and just went on with having normal conversations as we've always had. But once I confronted her, I said that we couldn't talk anymore because it was too painful for me to still talk to her while it'd be technically okay for her to see other guys (not saying that she'd go out and to it right away). I guess the reality of the situation hit her and she was having second thoughts and asked for a week to think about it. I gave her a week. A few days in, we scheduled a skype call. A call that she missed because she was caught up socializing with new people at her school. I was very upset and we had a skype call the next day. This was when the break up happened. We discussed it and she told me that LDR is just not for her. She said it'd be changing too much of herself for me because of all the compromises we need to make. In this whole relationship, I have been the one to compromise for her. I have been the one who changed himself the most for the relationship, and once I needed her to carry her share of the load, she bails. In short, she basically got caught up with making new friends as she always has and leaving me in the back burner only to return to me once she realizes they're nothing special. But now, the parameters of a LDR are "holding her back" too much and she bails. I was told by someone I love, someone who claims to love me back, that she did not want to change herself for me and that she basically does not have room for me in her new life at grad school. It's the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to me. I told her that if she wanted any sort of relationship (friend or dating) then we can't talk to each other until winter break. And if she wants to meet up, then SHE's the one to reach out because I do not want to reach out to her to find out she's dating some other dude. She says she loves me and I could see how sad she was when we had this conversation. What I wonder is if she'll reach out when the time comes and if she does, will we be able to be anything? Or is the damage done and I should forget about her?
elmichi Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 So my girlfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me about a month ago. It's been the hardest month of my life. We both finished college at the same time and left for different grad schools in different cities. We were happy together and loved each other very much, but she always had her doubts about a LDR. It was always an issue because we both knew it'd happen after graduation. I wanted to try to work it out, but she didn't even give it a chance. Up until our relationship, she never dated anyone for longer than 3 months because of commitment issue. We lasted as long as we did because we got along so well and loved each other; I did love her more than she loved me though. She never officially broke up with me in our last moments together before we both moved away; I guess she just assumed that a breakup would happen and a discussion would not need to happen. I confronted her about it through messaging and skype calls because up until that point, she was messaging me like no breakup had ever happened and just went on with having normal conversations as we've always had. But once I confronted her, I said that we couldn't talk anymore because it was too painful for me to still talk to her while it'd be technically okay for her to see other guys (not saying that she'd go out and to it right away). I guess the reality of the situation hit her and she was having second thoughts and asked for a week to think about it. I gave her a week. A few days in, we scheduled a skype call. A call that she missed because she was caught up socializing with new people at her school. I was very upset and we had a skype call the next day. This was when the break up happened. We discussed it and she told me that LDR is just not for her. She said it'd be changing too much of herself for me because of all the compromises we need to make. In this whole relationship, I have been the one to compromise for her. I have been the one who changed himself the most for the relationship, and once I needed her to carry her share of the load, she bails. In short, she basically got caught up with making new friends as she always has and leaving me in the back burner only to return to me once she realizes they're nothing special. But now, the parameters of a LDR are "holding her back" too much and she bails. I was told by someone I love, someone who claims to love me back, that she did not want to change herself for me and that she basically does not have room for me in her new life at grad school. It's the most hurtful thing anyone has ever done to me. I told her that if she wanted any sort of relationship (friend or dating) then we can't talk to each other until winter break. And if she wants to meet up, then SHE's the one to reach out because I do not want to reach out to her to find out she's dating some other dude. She says she loves me and I could see how sad she was when we had this conversation. What I wonder is if she'll reach out when the time comes and if she does, will we be able to be anything? Or is the damage done and I should forget about her? Somewhat similar situation happened to me a month ago. We are super long distance and he was on the fence commitment wise as I was his first long term girlfriend and I think he wanted to see what else was out there. The difference is neither of us are very lovey dovey and we got over each other pretty fast.. although when we broke up there was no explanation, no wanting to be friends, nothing. We are friends now though, I think we both like the support as we both just moved to new places for tough grad programs. I won't say you'll never get back together, but just don't talk to her and focus on you. Even if you do, it will be a long time from now, so why worry about it now?
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