Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 hello people 4 weeks ago i dumped my girlfreind of two years in that two years we had split up 4 times... why? because sometimes she can be very rude & disrespectful to me & un caring also i am pretty sure she has narcassist traits... possible NPD the first year of the relationship was ok, even tho i ignored many red flags! things got really bad, once i fell in love with her... the moment she realized that i love her, she became rude, disprectful, controlling she would never apologize, or make up after an argument... she would blame me for every damn thing... if i ever apologized to her about anything, she would use that to her own advantage to gain control of the relationship sometimes i was the greatest guy in her eyes, then all of a sudden i am not good enough for her anyhow 4 weeks ago, i was at her house & she was disrespectful to me on more than one ocassion... and i was getting to the point where i could not take anymore. later that night she went out with her friends drinking.. i stayed at her house & had a few drinks myself i was not drunk, just tipsy! when she got back, i did not feel like having sex with her or talking to her... she kept nagging me, what my problem was.... so i just let it all out... i could not keep it in anymore... i told her it was over & i don't want to be with you told her, that her behaviour is disgusting & she is a horrible person & has treated me like crap... she was quite taken back by my words & i was quite harsh with her... i just had so much pent up frustration, anger, hurt inside me & it all came out at once.... she was clearly upset about some of the things i said to her... anyhow i left her home & have not spoke to her since... strictly no contact since then, i have had a couple of text messages off her... again claiming that i am a rotten boyfriend & i treated her badly. once gain the blame lands on me & i am the bad guy... this is always the case... she never ever accepts any responsibility since the break up, i have found out, that she has started talking to some guy.... she started talking to hime 5 days after i broke up with her.. my guess is... because i told her exactly what i thought of her & dumped her so dramaticly... she has gone out & found the first guy she could get hold of so she can recover from her damaged ego. people should i even give a sh@t about who she is with, or is not with? am i better off alone, than with someone like her
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 any opinions or views please guys... having a hard time of it at the moment
Mariposa10 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 You were obviously unhappy in this relationship. So no, you shouldn't care who she's with or what she's doing. She's not even dealing with the breakup if she's already dating another person. I think you did the right thing breaking up with her. Maybe next time, in your next relationship, communicate more. Don't bottle things up. Good luck! 1
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 You were obviously unhappy in this relationship. So no, you shouldn't care who she's with or what she's doing. She's not even dealing with the breakup if she's already dating another person. I think you did the right thing breaking up with her. Maybe next time, in your next relationship, communicate more. Don't bottle things up. Good luck! and here lies one of the biggest problems.... trying to talk to her or pointing out to her something that she is doing wrong, would always result in her getting angry!!! claiming that i am starting on her, or bullying her... or repeating myself... or just plain total denial on her part of there bieng anything wrong. i would rather stay shut, than bring up issues with her.... the communication between us was almost zero and another thing.... i always found if i tried talking to her about relationship problems, she would then regard me a s bieng week or needy! it was a no win situation with her 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 and here lies one of the biggest problems.... trying to talk to her or pointing out to her something that she is doing wrong, would always result in her getting angry!!! claiming that i am starting on her, or bullying her... or repeating myself... or just plain total denial on her part of there bieng anything wrong. i would rather stay shut, than bring up issues with her.... the communication between us was almost zero and another thing.... i always found if i tried talking to her about relationship problems, she would then regard me a s bieng week or needy! it was a no win situation with her That's why I think you did the right thing. She needs to work on those issues on her own. Btw, I have a question. Did you have planned breaking up with her? Had you thought about it before? 1
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 That's why I think you did the right thing. She needs to work on those issues on her own. Btw, I have a question. Did you have planned breaking up with her? Had you thought about it before? yes! i had actually finished it with her twice before, because she treated me badly & talked to me in a very rude, direspectful way... but then she would start emailing me over the weeks, and start telling me she loves me & misses the relationship.... so she would reel me back in.... everytime i got back with her, after the honey moon period was over, she would go back to her rude, disrespectful behaviour. yes i thought about breaking off with her quite a few times, but never had the strenght to stick to it... but this time i have completely cut her out of my life.... i ahve changed my mobile number... i do not even bother checking my emails... she cannot contact me. i feel like she has robbed me of my self esteem....
Mariposa10 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 yes! i had actually finished it with her twice before, because she treated me badly & talked to me in a very rude, direspectful way... but then she would start emailing me over the weeks, and start telling me she loves me & misses the relationship.... so she would reel me back in.... everytime i got back with her, after the honey moon period was over, she would go back to her rude, disrespectful behaviour. yes i thought about breaking off with her quite a few times, but never had the strenght to stick to it... but this time i have completely cut her out of my life.... i ahve changed my mobile number... i do not even bother checking my emails... she cannot contact me. i feel like she has robbed me of my self esteem.... You've done the right thing. I'm glad to hear you've made some changes (getting a new #) otherwise this was gonna become a vicious cycle. I'm sure that after being in an abusive relationship your self esteem has been affected. So work on that, work on healing before you jump into another relationship. That way you'll be super ready for your next relationship! I wish you good luck
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 You've done the right thing. I'm glad to hear you've made some changes (getting a new #) otherwise this was gonna become a vicious cycle. I'm sure that after being in an abusive relationship your self esteem has been affected. So work on that, work on healing before you jump into another relationship. That way you'll be super ready for your next relationship! I wish you good luck how do i deal with anger & regret? i feel so angry at myself for putting up with her crap... and i regret not getting rid of her sooner.. it's keeping me up all night 3
Grumpybutfun Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 yes! i feel like she has robbed me of my self esteem.... No one can rob you of your self-esteem without your consent, so do not consent. In order to have a healthy, happy relationship where you feel safe and desired, you have to expect that. When you let someone treat you with disrespect and unkindness and stay, you are sending them the message that you are not worth respect and kindness. Her behavioral issues are on her. You did try to communicate your feelings to her and she acted like you were needy or weak...that is a huge red flag that someone is immature and not ready for a serious committed relationship. You did the right thing by moving on, just stick with it this time no matter what she says or tries to manipulate yourself into. You sound like a nice guy so you will have no issue attracting someone with the attributes that you enjoy like kindness, communication and respect. Good luck, Grumps 2
Mariposa10 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 how do i deal with anger & regret? i feel so angry at myself for putting up with her crap... and i regret not getting rid of her sooner.. it's keeping me up all night I think it's normal for you to feel this way after all you were with her for two years. But you should be super proud of yourself because you were brave enough to get out of this situation, which is really really hard... Don't be so hard on yourself!! The stages I went through after my breakup were: denial, depression, anger, and acceptance, in that order. I still feel angry but I'm finally accepting the breakup. Of course the mindset of a dumper (you) and the dumpee (me) is very different. Keep learning from this experience, that way next time as soon as you see so many red flags you'll know what to do. Again, don't be so hard on yourself, I'm proud of you for being so brave and getting out of this situation. I hope someone with more experience can offer you some advice. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) how do i deal with anger & regret? i feel so angry at myself for putting up with her crap... and i regret not getting rid of her sooner.. it's keeping me up all night Airwave: Anger and regret are emotions that you just have to let time heal. Forgive yourself first of all for letting her dictate to you what you have done to your self-esteem, then let it go. Acceptance that the things in the past may never get resolved is one of the great life lessons that you learn. You just forgive, move on, and remember that you will never be treated in such a manner again by anyone, then you place boundaries so that people understand what you will and will not tolerate. If you are unsure about what this entails, make a list of what your values and beliefs expect of you. Everyone deals with regret....I know that shame, guilt, and anger have kept me up at nights, yet still I move on and say to myself...."this too shall pass." Then if I repeat the mistake, I go into full recovery mode which involves self-reflection and examination and trying to connect more to my spiritual side. Best, Grumps Edited October 4, 2013 by Grumpybutfun
cristy Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 hello people 4 weeks ago i dumped my girlfreind of two years in that two years we had split up 4 times... why? because sometimes she can be very rude & disrespectful to me & un caring also i am pretty sure she has narcassist traits... possible NPD the first year of the relationship was ok, even tho i ignored many red flags! things got really bad, once i fell in love with her... the moment she realized that i love her, she became rude, disprectful, controlling she would never apologize, or make up after an argument... she would blame me for every damn thing... if i ever apologized to her about anything, she would use that to her own advantage to gain control of the relationship sometimes i was the greatest guy in her eyes, then all of a sudden i am not good enough for her anyhow 4 weeks ago, i was at her house & she was disrespectful to me on more than one ocassion... and i was getting to the point where i could not take anymore. later that night she went out with her friends drinking.. i stayed at her house & had a few drinks myself i was not drunk, just tipsy! when she got back, i did not feel like having sex with her or talking to her... she kept nagging me, what my problem was.... so i just let it all out... i could not keep it in anymore... i told her it was over & i don't want to be with you told her, that her behaviour is disgusting & she is a horrible person & has treated me like crap... she was quite taken back by my words & i was quite harsh with her... i just had so much pent up frustration, anger, hurt inside me & it all came out at once.... she was clearly upset about some of the things i said to her... anyhow i left her home & have not spoke to her since... strictly no contact since then, i have had a couple of text messages off her... again claiming that i am a rotten boyfriend & i treated her badly. once gain the blame lands on me & i am the bad guy... this is always the case... she never ever accepts any responsibility since the break up, i have found out, that she has started talking to some guy.... she started talking to hime 5 days after i broke up with her.. my guess is... because i told her exactly what i thought of her & dumped her so dramaticly... she has gone out & found the first guy she could get hold of so she can recover from her damaged ego. people should i even give a sh@t about who she is with, or is not with? am i better off alone, than with someone like her First of all, please dont take this the wrong way. I dont know you or your ex girlfriend and i am only trying to be constructive. Honestly, from what I've read and from personal experience, it seems to me that you didnt listen to each other that much. It is really unhealthy to be with someone you would attack with words, or hold resentment against. I believe every problem can be worked out if we are willing to go that extra mile. There is no 'one true love', theres only acceptance and empathy. Clearly, if you have tried your best to commumicate with her (that means controlling your emotions, having a mature and coherent conversation, not yelling your lungs out at each other or be defensive) and you truly believe she was never going to change (and she wasnt willing to) you did the right thing. However, i have to say the manners in which you broke up with her are anything but pretty. Every break up is painful, but letting our worst emotions controll our mouth often results in more painful statements. That leads to rage, anger, and all sorts of awful feelings that add to the sadness of the break up itself. I know you were on the edge and just exploded with emotion but still it feels like you had a little vendetta against her boiling up inside of you because you felt underappreciated?
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) No one can rob you of your self-esteem without your consent, so do not consent. In order to have a healthy, happy relationship where you feel safe and desired, you have to expect that. When you let someone treat you with disrespect and unkindness and stay, you are sending them the message that you are not worth respect and kindness. Her behavioral issues are on her. You did try to communicate your feelings to her and she acted like you were needy or weak...that is a huge red flag that someone is immature and not ready for a serious committed relationship. You did the right thing by moving on, just stick with it this time no matter what she says or tries to manipulate yourself into. You sound like a nice guy so you will have no issue attracting someone with the attributes that you enjoy like kindness, communication and respect. Good luck, Grumps the truth is... when she over stepped my boundaries, i did call her on it & i did walk way from the relationship.. pretty much everytime. she knew i would not tolerate or accept certain behaviours.... but the mistake i made was going back to her after some weeks had passed. she had a way of manipulating me into believing that it was me who was at fault & she would act like the victim & eventualy i would get back with her.. it's not till later did i realize, that this girl had twisted my logic to the point, that i was questioning myself about everything. now that i have had nearly a month apart from her, i begin to see, that she was not really relationship material at all. she was very very imature for her age... this is a 46 year old woman! and i am 37 Edited October 4, 2013 by Airwave2020
cavalier99 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Dude. Consider yourself lucky that this is over. Her loss 100 percent... not yours. Dont waver. Eventually 6 to 8 month down the line there will be some hot 29 to 34 year old for you. Stay NC and just forget the bitch. Rock on! Cav
J21 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I think it would've been better to end things peacefully rather than with harsh words in a alcohol affected state... since last impressions really do last. However, I think you clearly made the right decision here. You guys could not work out the issues even after 4 separations. how do i deal with anger & regret? i feel so angry at myself for putting up with her crap... and i regret not getting rid of her sooner.. it's keeping me up all night I wouldn't think of it like that. You guys dated for 2 years and you wanted to put forth your very best effort. If you had left too soon, you would have thought "maybe I should have tried harder to make it work". Thoughts like this will creep up either way. Anyways, good luck on your recovery and I wish you the best.
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Dude. Consider yourself lucky that this is over. Her loss 100 percent... not yours. Dont waver. Eventually 6 to 8 month down the line there will be some hot 29 to 34 year old for you. Stay NC and just forget the bitch. Rock on! Cav in many ways i do consider myself lucky.... imagine if i had a child with her, or she got pregnant she wanted me to give up my home & move in with her too she wanted me to marry her & try for a child imagine where i would be years down the line... probably divorced, treated like crap, close to having a nervous breakdown & kicked out into the street. as i said before i believe she fits the bill of a narcassist & does not show any empathy when she is bieng cruel. also she has 3 kids & i don't have any kids... why should i spend my remaining days, bieng with her & her kids... while i am bieng treated like a sub human bieng... no chance! 2
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 this is the level of maturity i have been dealing with - and keep in mind this is a 46 year old woman, mother of 4 kids when i ended it with her in the past... she sent me emails, claiming she has been faking orgasms with me for the last year or so LOL when i ended it with her 4 weeks ago... she sent me a text saying, that she is going to sleep with other men... men she has no feelings for and true to her words... i find out, only 5 days after i ended it with her... she went out saturday night & exchanged numbers with a waiter at a restaurant & is now talking to him THIS IS WHAT I HAVE ESCAPED FROM!!!!
lindsay1990 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 THIS IS WHAT I HAVE ESCAPED FROM!!!! Just the fact that you said this, tells me you will be alright 1
alex007 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I just read the first 5 lines and I can already tell you SHES A HUGE NARCASIST, RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!! You made the correct choice good job. Now go NC and you should be golden. The people always try to contact you to get a fix/ self esteem boots because they are unhappy with them selves so they like to make other people miserable so that they feel like someone is suffering with them because they don't like them selves. I use to have a girl just like this... It will be hard to get over her... I still think about the girl I was with for a year and its been a little over a year since I broke up with her. Just know we have all been through it you will be fine... I have been getting better girls who deserve me, some who don't.
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 I just read the first 5 lines and I can already tell you SHES A HUGE NARCASIST, RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!! You made the correct choice good job. Now go NC and you should be golden. The people always try to contact you to get a fix/ self esteem boots because they are unhappy with them selves so they like to make other people miserable so that they feel like someone is suffering with them because they don't like them selves. I use to have a girl just like this... It will be hard to get over her... I still think about the girl I was with for a year and its been a little over a year since I broke up with her. Just know we have all been through it you will be fine... I have been getting better girls who deserve me, some who don't. i do not intend to look back, infact i find the thought of getting back together with this woman quite scarey.. she is a very attractive woman & i fell into her trap.. once she had my heart.. thats when she started to reveal her true self. i obsereved something strange about my ex... whenever i was stopping at her house (on her territory) she was always quite bossy & rude towards me... and we would end up arguing & falling out. i just felt uncomfortable, like something was wrong! but whenever we was stopping at my house (on my territory) we got on so so much better.. we would not argue & i just treated her as normal & she was a nicer person. is this a control thing? does she feel like she can exert powert over me, because i am on her patch? but when she is at my house, she feels like she would have to behave better!
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 having a really hard time today you know what, even tho people say it's easier to be the dumper & i can tell you now... it is not even tho i dumped her... it was like i was forced to do it... and yes i still love her! it's funny how you can still love somebody, who does not even treat you right, or returns the same love back to you
Mariposa10 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 having a really hard time today you know what, even tho people say it's easier to be the dumper & i can tell you now... it is not even tho i dumped her... it was like i was forced to do it... and yes i still love her! it's funny how you can still love somebody, who does not even treat you right, or returns the same love back to you Like I said earlier, you were with her for two years!! Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm really proud of you for ending this horrible vicious cycle. Stick to NC, otherwise you'll end up entering the vicious cycle, AGAIN!! Vent her, but don't contact her.
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Like I said earlier, you were with her for two years!! Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm really proud of you for ending this horrible vicious cycle. Stick to NC, otherwise you'll end up entering the vicious cycle, AGAIN!! Vent her, but don't contact her. i have no intention of contacting her... as i know nothing good will come of it. i know staying with her will only bring me more misery & even worse heart ache further down the road..
happydate Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Airwave2020, I dated a woman just like yours and the reason she stuck with you is that, she knows you are weaker than her and her options, in terms of securing good men as pretty much nill. When you are 46 years old and with 4 kids, her options are limited compared to someone who is single 10 to 20 younger than her. And just like your woman, mine went and actually go a new guy, banged him while teasing how good she felt now with the new guy and so forth. Then fast forward a few months later, she's back flirting with me. My guy friend told me that, yeah well she got dumped again by the guy. He laughed and I laughed too! The reason I go back to these girls is for SEX and SEX only and I just put her in that mindset. It will feel better. Today though; I stay away from these ladies even if I know for sure I can get laid. Why? Because why trouble myself for a piece of pussy when I get all the mental torment for her? There are far nicer girls you know!
Author Airwave2020 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 Airwave2020, I dated a woman just like yours and the reason she stuck with you is that, she knows you are weaker than her and her options, in terms of securing good men as pretty much nill. When you are 46 years old and with 4 kids, her options are limited compared to someone who is single 10 to 20 younger than her. And just like your woman, mine went and actually go a new guy, banged him while teasing how good she felt now with the new guy and so forth. Then fast forward a few months later, she's back flirting with me. My guy friend told me that, yeah well she got dumped again by the guy. He laughed and I laughed too! The reason I go back to these girls is for SEX and SEX only and I just put her in that mindset. It will feel better. Today though; I stay away from these ladies even if I know for sure I can get laid. Why? Because why trouble myself for a piece of pussy when I get all the mental torment for her? There are far nicer girls you know! i hear exactly what you are saying my friend.... the things is, i was always always tougher than her... especialy for the first year of the relationship. the reason i got weaker than her, was becasue i fell in love with her... BIG MISTAKE i only realize now, that i should not have even considered her for a realtionship... she was NEVER relationship material she has lots of baggage... also she is low value... has no self respect & nearly all her friends are low value too. her friends are mostly single mothers, claiming benefits, taking cocaine & sleeping around. you are right mate.... but i would not even consider even having sexx with her... woman like that are not worth the headache
Recommended Posts