trying to hold out...... !

[bohica]

Yes, back again....

 

Hello Everyone.

 

I had the third date with this girl and I enjoy her company.

She's has been tough to read on all fronts. For some reason I like her. We had the third date and we ended up at her place afterwards and became very intimate.

 

I reached out to her the next day. She thanked me for a good time. I thanked her....

I waited a few days to ask her out again and she said she was busy. I suggested another time with no specifics. She said ok.

 

Like I said, I can't get a good read in her. Not sure if she's into me or not, is really chill or just wants her space. I don't know. I decided to ease back a bit in hopes she would show some signs of interest or excitment in getting together again or talking.

Its been almost three days since we talked and I haven't heard anything. Its been a week since we last got together.

 

Id like to just go about my business and not force or push anything.

I should probably continue to hold out in contacting her until next week.

 

Yes, No? Any thoughts? I want her to be interested and I want things to happen naturally.

PS....I am starting to get a little performance conscious. ..

Edited October 4, 2013 by bohica

[Atem]

Yes, back again....

 

Hello Everyone.

 

I had the third date with this girl and I enjoy her company.

She's has been tough to read on all fronts. For some reason I like her. We had the third date and we ended up at her place afterwards and became very intimate.

 

I reached out to her the next day. She thanked me for a good time. I thanked her....

I waited a few days to ask her out again and she said she was busy. I suggested another time with no specifics. She said ok.

 

Like I said, I can't get a good read in her. Not sure if she's into me or not, is really chill or just wants her space. I don't know. I decided to ease back a bit in hopes she would show some signs of interest or excitment in getting together again or talking.

Its been almost three days and I haven't heard anything.

 

Id like to just go about my business and not force or push anything.

I should probably continue to hold out in contacting her until next week.

 

Yes, No? Any thoughts? I want her to be interested and I want things to happen naturally.

 

Then let them happen naturally without playing silly mindgames, which you are doing right now.

 

You asked the gal out without specifics and she said ok - 3 days ago!

 

What you do now is:

 

1. CALL her (do NOT text) to pin down a time and place (please come up with a good date idea beforehand - a guy has to lead and at least suggest what you can do on your date)

 

2. If she blows you off, move on.

 

3. If she accepts, go on another date AND make sure you get to a venue where you can be fully intimate (escalation is key here, as you have already laid pretty solid groundwork on date 3, it seems)

 

Do NOT:

 

1. overthink this

 

2. play silly games of the sort of "I want her to call me first" - that's bull****. Boys dick around like this. Men go for what they want. They LEAD.

 

3. Puss out. If you've been very intimate without having sex, then you HAVE to **** her brains out on date 4.

 

Overall, seems like you're doing the right things and she seems receptive. However, you have to STOP doubting yourself and just go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain here, so do not puss out.

[bohica]

Ok... so first. There is a such thing as being a little too aggressive and contacting someone you just met too much. I don't play games but I will be a little catious not to chase someone away. She may not want to be contacted and may want her space. I am trying to figure that out and do the right thing based on her signals. I am not playing games.

 

Second, you need to read between the lines when I say 'very' intimate. I don't need to spell out that I actually had sex with this person. The point is we were intimate. I also don't feel a need or have a conscious thought in my head to go **** her brains out. My experience is some women don't like having there brains **** out. Diff strokes for diff folks...

[coolheadal]

Take your time, why are you rushing let it just work it out. But do call her on the phone or better yet send flowers or basket of fruits to her job with a nice note inside from you saying "I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU! Love your name. Once she gets this you might get a call from her thanking you. This is how you can ask her out again. But first ask her what her schedule is like this week. This way you don't get the negative message saying I AM BUSY! You want to say positive and your intent is to take her out again.

[clia]

Yes, back again....

 

Hello Everyone.

 

I had the third date with this girl and I enjoy her company.

She's has been tough to read on all fronts. For some reason I like her. We had the third date and we ended up at her place afterwards and became very intimate.

 

I reached out to her the next day. She thanked me for a good time. I thanked her....

I waited a few days to ask her out again and she said she was busy. I suggested another time with no specifics. She said ok.

 

Like I said, I can't get a good read in her. Not sure if she's into me or not, is really chill or just wants her space. I don't know. I decided to ease back a bit in hopes she would show some signs of interest or excitment in getting together again or talking.

Its been almost three days since we talked and I haven't heard anything. Its been a week since we last got together.

 

Id like to just go about my business and not force or push anything.

I should probably continue to hold out in contacting her until next week.

 

Yes, No? Any thoughts? I want her to be interested and I want things to happen naturally.

PS....I am starting to get a little performance conscious. ..

 

I don't understand why you didn't ask her out for this weekend with specifics when she said she was busy earlier this week (with your last minute date offer of the beach day, if I recall correctly.) Or get back to her yesterday with specifics? Because now you aren't going to see her this weekend. It's Friday and you've made no plans with her. It's too late. So...at minimum ten days are going to elapse since you last got together. Not good at all for the early stages of the relationship. You have to keep the momentum going. And seriously...you can't get a read on her? She had sex with you on date three. Odds are she's interested in you.

 

You seem to be so afraid of smothering her that you are inert. If you like her, you don't let three days go by without contacting her, especially after you've asked her out for some unspecified future time. She may like a guy to do the pursuing, which is why she hasn't asked you out yet. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I completely let him take the lead on communications and setting up dates. Some women like that. For the future, the easiest way to handle this is to ask her out for the next date while you are with her and to nail down the details then.

 

If I were her, I would be wondering what other woman you are taking out on Saturday night...

[Atem]

Ok... so first. There is a such thing as being a little too aggressive and contacting someone you just met too much. I don't play games but I will be a little catious not to chase someone away. She may not want to be contacted and may want her space. I am trying to figure that out and do the right thing based on her signals. I am not playing games.

 

Second, you need to read between the lines when I say 'very' intimate. I don't need to spell out that I actually had sex with this person. The point is we were intimate. I also don't feel a need or have a conscious thought in my head to go **** her brains out. My experience is some women don't like having there brains **** out. Diff strokes for diff folks...

 

bub, here's the bottom line - you're the man so you have to lead - especially early on. Period.

 

Now here's how you lead:

 

1. You call her and ask her out again with specifics this time - no more vague mumbo jumbo. Men are confident enough to ask for things directly.

 

2. Waiting 3 days w/o contact after banging the girl is just plain game playing. Stop that **** and be up-front. If you want her as a GF, then behave accordingly and check in from time to time. If you want a **** buddy, communicate that clearly. Do not play games/hard to get.

 

3. Stop implying things (perfonal preference ) - state them clearly. If you banged a girl, then say so. "Very intimate" can be heavy groping, it can be manual/oral sex, it can be full-on sex.

 

4. By banging a girl's brains out I mean that you have to man up and take her to make her feel a. desirable and b. believe in the fact that you're a real man who wants her and who goes for what he wants (if she starts seeing you as indecisive, she'll have less respect for you)

 

So, in short, stop playing games. If you like the girl and have advanced well with her, just keep it up without overthinking. The game-playing mentality of 90% of the people out there is what makes this dating thing so ****ing frustrating. Games NEVER help. Be genuine - mostly to yourself.

[bohica]

Atem... I don't want to start a debate with you. Maybe you missed the part where I said I spoke to her the next day and then again a few days later. I DIDNT bang her and not call

 

To me a real man burns all those how to be a man books and hasnt used the term 'bang a girl' since his 20th birthday. . That term in itself is so juvenile and so 80s. No offense. We just may be different. No one is playing games here. I am being as genuine as I can be. Always am. I called her the next day as I said then called her gain a few days later. I told her I wanted to see her again.

 

Clia

 

I couldn't make the commitment for any solid plans because of my schedule. Plus I didn't get any positive feedback from her. As I said she wasn't being enthusiastic.

Edited October 4, 2013 by bohica

[Atem]

Atem... I don't want to start a debate with you. Maybe you missed the part where I said I spoke to her the next day and then again a few days later. I DIDNT bang her and not call

 

To me a real man burns all those how to be a man books and hasnt used the term 'bang a girl' since his 20th birthday. . That term in itself is so juvenile and so 80s. No offense. We just may be different. No one is playing games here. I am being as genuine as I can be. Always am. I called her the next day as I said then called her gain a few days later. I told her I wanted to see her again.

 

Clia

 

I couldn't make the commitment for any solid plans because of my schedule. Plus I didn't get any positive feedback from her. As I said she wasn't being enthusiastic.

 

Ok, then it looks like you have all the answers that you need, Mr. Defensive, no?

 

I did read your post and your question was "should I ping her after 3 days of silence and after she acted uninterested".

 

My answer, in short, is "stop overthinking and wasting time and, instead, call her to see where she stands".

 

If she blows you off, move on. If she accepts your invite, go have fun.

 

It's that easy. However, just waiting around, asking people on here for their views and then being defensive does not help you in the least bit.

 

PS: if using the term "bang" makes me a juvenile person from the 80s then I can lvie with that because guess what - I'm young and I was born in the 80s

 

PPS: Clia's right

[ExpatInItaly]

Call her and ask her out for a specific day. Enough time has passed since your last contact that you won't seem too aggressive. If she's not into it, at least you'll have your answer.

 

And as a woman, I can say that plenty of women still do expect men to initiate in the early stages. Who knows, she could be wondering why you haven't followed up with your offer of a date!

[bohica]

Ok, then it looks like you have all the answers that you need, Mr. Defensive, no?

 

I did read your post and your question was "should I ping her after 3 days of silence and after she acted uninterested".

 

My answer, in short, is "stop overthinking and wasting time and, instead, call her to see where she stands".

 

If she blows you off, move on. If she accepts your invite, go have fun.

 

It's that easy. However, just waiting around, asking people on here for their views and then being defensive does not help you in the least bit.

 

PS: if using the term "bang" makes me a juvenile person from the 80s then I can lvie with that because guess what - I'm young and I was born in the 80s

 

PPS: Clia's right

 

Like I said already. I don't want to start a debate with you. You'll have to take my word that I am not being defensive.

 

Yes. I said after three days of silence but your response specifically said no contacting her after sex was wrong which wasn't true. That is not what I said and I was correcting you because you read it wrong. That has nothing to do with being defensive at all. You based your response in part on that and you were wrong.

 

I am not here to read just about other peoples lives. I am here as most of us are to seek the 'views' and opinions of others. This is an advise forum. It's hypocritical of any body to say I'm here wasting time seeking the views of other people. Although, I agree it may be a waste of time simply because I can be doing something constructive. Again, I am not being defensive. I am just pointing out the obvious. I seek the feedback because I want it.

 

It's hard to convey tone in email. Unless you called me an ******* or something I take no offense to anything you say.

 

My question was rather simple. Should I wait a little longer to contact this person because I do not want to smother someone I like and just met who seems to want her space. In other words, I don't want to contact someone who doesn't want to be contacted too often and requires space. I don't want to mess it up. I was asking for advise and in doing so included some back story. I am not trying to play games, I am trying to avoid playing games.

[bohica]

Thank you ExpatInItaly for that answer. It's what I was looking for. Either I won't seem too aggressive or I will. In your opinion I wont.

 

I called her but she didn't answer. I left a message.

[tlegend]

Thank you ExpatInItaly for that answer. It's what I was looking for. Either I won't seem too aggressive or I will. In your opinion I wont.

 

I called her but she didn't answer. I left a message.

 

Ugh.

 

Firstly, I don't think enough interaction has happened between you two for any of us to give you solid advice. The only thing I can do is relate my own experience and judgement for you. Without knowing this person, we can only fail to predict her actions and feelings, but ultimately, that is up to you.

 

I think your course of action was the correct one. Try to set up a date. Show her you are interested in her. Take command of arranging dates and ideas, and be confident in your choices. It could be the worst idea/date in history, but if you are confident and make it a good time with her, it doesn't matter if you flung **** at monkeys or went skydiving in an indoor tube. She will have a great time if you allow it to be great.

 

She slept with you. She's either easy, or she's into you. We can't tell you which one, you have to feel this out. If she is ignoring you after you guys hooked up and you tried to set up a date (WITH SPECIFIC ****ING INFORMATION), THEN and ONLY THEN would I start to think "What the hell"?

 

Best of luck to you, please keep us updated.

[cif]

Has she initiated contact with you at all this week?

[tlegend]

And to add on to the previous post:

 

PS....I am starting to get a little performance conscious. ..

 

Did she seem disappointed after everything was said and done or did she seem like she had a good time? Did you stay the night, or did you leave? Was it courteous, awkward, or rushed goodbye? Lots of these things hold clues to finding the answer you are asking now. Unless you had sex in front of a bunch of people who can confirm/deny, only you can make this judgement. Don't let your mind wander into thinking things that aren't simply true. Take the facts, make a decision, and don't look back.

 

PS - Every woman knows that most men have anxiety about performance. Most women know that the more you discover the other person, the more likely the sex will become better. And, believe it or not, most men aren't as "good" in bed as you probably have heard.

[cif]

Clia

 

I couldn't make the commitment for any solid plans because of my schedule. Plus I didn't get any positive feedback from her. As I said she wasn't being enthusiastic.

 

Thank you ExpatInItaly for that answer. It's what I was looking for. Either I won't seem too aggressive or I will. In your opinion I wont.

 

I called her but she didn't answer. I left a message.

 

She hasn't intitiated any contact and hasn't made any plans for the weekend... she's not that interested in you and/or is dating others.

Edited October 4, 2013 by cif

[bohica]

Cif... She has NOT initiated any contact with me this week. I called her.

 

tlegend... She did not rush me out. We rolled around for a little while afterwards until I felt it was time to go. I thought it was fun. She seemed to be having fun. It didn't seem awkward at all. I wasn't invited to stay and had to catch a train so the time was on my mind. I thought it went well.

 

I have to add and please don't think I did this on purpose because that could not be any further from the truth.

It happened in the moment and forgot about it. She has something of mine that has a lot of sentimental value. I have to...I

must must must get it back. If I get the feeling she's not interested (btw: she hasn't called back yet) then I will address it by telling her if she's not interested in seeing me then I still have to come get that.

Edited October 4, 2013 by bohica

[cif]

Why would you leave something sentimental with her? You hardly know her.

[bohica]

Why would you leave something sentimental with her? You hardly know her.

 

Like I said, It wasn't on purpose. It was something I was wearing and I took it off in the heat of the moment and through it on the floor.

 

I called her at like two today. I should send the follow up if I don't hear back by 6.

[tlegend]

Like I said, It wasn't on purpose. It was something I was wearing and I took it off in the heat of the moment and through it on the floor.

 

I called her at like two today. I should send the follow up if I don't hear back by 6.

 

...Belt? Hat?

 

This all sounds like you just need to get in contact with her and see where she stands. We can predict and estimate all we want. The answer lies with her and your communication with her.

 

I'm just hoping you can see what she may see this as: A one night stand.

[bohica]

...Belt? Hat?

 

This all sounds like you just need to get in contact with her and see where she stands. We can predict and estimate all we want. The answer lies with her and your communication with her.

 

I'm just hoping you can see what she may see this as: A one night stand.

 

It's a charm on a necklace that was given to me by a family member.

I wouldn't care about a hat or a belt...

 

Great. If it's a one night stand then great. I won't invest any more time into it. Don't forget this was the third date though. I don't care if she just wants a **** buddy show me some interest and let me know it. Invite me over.

[tlegend]

It's a charm on a necklace that was given to me by a family member.

I wouldn't care about a hat or a belt...

 

Great. If it's a one night stand then great. I won't invest any more time into it. Don't forget this was the third date though. I don't care if she just wants a **** buddy show me some interest and let me know it. Invite me over.

 

I would had I slept with you on our 3rd date. However, it is not me you should be asking over =)

 

Haha sorry, couldn't resist. Keep us informed with what she says. I'm very interested.

[clia]

I called her at like two today. I should send the follow up if I don't hear back by 6.

 

I think you should give her more than four hours to respond, especially if she is at work right now.

 

I really don't think she considered it to be a one night stand, though. I think she was just waiting for you to contact her with specifics on getting together.

[bohica]

I would had I slept with you on our 3rd date. However, it is not me you should be asking over =)

 

Haha sorry, couldn't resist. Keep us informed with what she says. I'm very interested.

 

lol..

 

Listen, I am not thinking too much about the sex. I love it and want to do it again. I am interested in seeing her again because i'd like to know her better.

 

The sex was great but a big part of me thinks I should have turned it down and just went home. Frankly though, I needed it.

If your sleeping with me on the third date and not the first after one night of drinks and two nice dinners then you either like me or it's a courtesy ****.

 

question: when IYO should I try to reach out again?

[bohica]

I think you should give her more than four hours to respond, especially if she is at work right now.

 

I really don't think she considered it to be a one night stand, though. I think she was just waiting for you to contact her with specifics on getting together.

 

 

I know for a fact that she is NOT at work. I know what she does and a little about her schedule.

[Atem]

Cif... She has NOT initiated any contact with me this week. I called her.

 

tlegend... She did not rush me out. We rolled around for a little while afterwards until I felt it was time to go. I thought it was fun. She seemed to be having fun. It didn't seem awkward at all. I wasn't invited to stay and had to catch a train so the time was on my mind. I thought it went well.

 

I have to add and please don't think I did this on purpose because that could not be any further from the truth.

It happened in the moment and forgot about it. She has something of mine that has a lot of sentimental value. I have to...I

must must must get it back. If I get the feeling she's not interested (btw: she hasn't called back yet) then I will address it by telling her if she's not interested in seeing me then I still have to come get that.

 

Ah, so she has something of sentimental value for you and yet you forgot about it until just now? How so? Were you so preoccupied with timing your follow-up with her that you forgot until just now? Or were you just too busy talking back to/contradicting everyone who posted in this thread?

 

Sigh, you're fulla **** bub.

 

*close thread plz