Chica411 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) My recent relationships have been very rushed, with the man declaring his love within a month, and wanting to marry and have babies within three. I had the confidence to deny these advances, and much fighting ensued. It's been a long time since I had a "normal" relationship. A therapist told me when it was right, it would actually be uncomfortable at first because it's different, but i'll get used to it. And along came John, again. We were talking two years ago, but the timing just wasn't right. This is our second chance! John and I have been talking for 2 months now, official for one, and I'm falling for him. I am so very happy, and we have so much in common. We are slowly getting to know each other, we hang out and go out, and are going very slowly with regards to our children. I admitted to falling and he said it takes him a long time and he likes me a lot for now. (He's only said I love you to one person and it took 8 months, she's now his ex wife) The other day he said he was crazy about me. The next day I asked what the difference was between that and falling, and he said that there wasn't any. So he is falling too!? We were texting a ton at first, and he was very flirty and sweet. We still text a lot (and talk on the phone once or twice a week_, now it's more mellow, and he's not as responsive to my flirting. This is where the frustration comes in. I want to feel wanted, and am used to the heavy flirting to do all the talking. I want to be able to see that he's telling me about his day, asking about mine, and that says it all. I don't want to come across as needy and clingy. And I want to understand that if he doesn't respond to me, but if one day he starts flirting that it's ok to go along with it, it's not ignoring my needs and being on his terms. I'm a very flirtatious person and it never fades, he may not be the same. We talked once, and John said it doesn't have to be every day. The relationship is progressing and deepening, and I am doing my best to embrace it as it comes, not end up stuck in a rut. Because i know that if a relationship can get back that over the moon romance phase it's a good thing. But why does it feel weird? Why do I just not know what to do? How can I remain confident and not push for more? I just want to enjoy each moment, as it is. Edited October 4, 2013 by Chica411
mercuryshadow Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I think it's normal for that non-stop communication to wane over time. How exhausting/overwhelming would it be if it didn't? However, within the first couple of months of being in a new relationship, I don't think the honeymoon phase should be anywhere near over (at least not in my experience). Were you trying to convey that this aspect (aside from the communication) of your relationship has died out significantly? Other than that, pay attention to how he treats you. You should feel secure in your relationship, and if his behavior does not make you feel secure, then there is undoubtedly an underlying issue. If he told you he is crazy about you, does he back that statement up with his actions? You mentioned children. Two months is a very short amount of time to be involving children, IMHO, and especially with these recent concerns of yours. I'd advise you to be sure you are both on the same page before you further involve your children. Take this time to be sure you are secure in the relationship, and when you feel absolutely confident in it, THEN involve your children. 1
Author Chica411 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 It's just the flirting and sweet talk that has faded a little bit. The other day he sent me a message showing me I had a folder for photos, so he still does little things. For me I'm a flirty person and can be insecure, and John now is more comfortable with flirting once in awhile. We have plans a few weeks in advance, so he does back up his actions. When we spend time together we're always laughing and it's fun. Also with the children we keep it very casual with them, as far as they know it's playdates and they only met twice. Otherwise I feel very secure, I'm just not used to a relationship that moves at a normal pace. And I'm sure all relationships end up coming and going with regards to the cutsey talk, it's just very odd adjusting.
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