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Currently not confident in looks or personality is this normal after breakup?

eric85

By eric85
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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eric85 Member

eric85

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Can anyone else relate to this feeling? I feel as though I'm never going to find anyone else and be single and lonely the rest of my life. I have only been out of my relationship for a few weeks but I am just so down and out. I have had a lot of women in my life before her so I don't know why I can't break this feeling. I am just terrified of being along the rest of my life. Idk I just really loved her so much and am so lost right now. I don't have the desire to do anything. I just go through the everyday motions of life like a lost ****ing puppy and it's pitiful. Why won't my mind just let me say **** her and move on? She tells me randomly she doesn't know if she wants to continue her life with me so I didnt bother pursuing it any further and just quit talking to her.A side of me says if thats really how she feels then I see no point in trying to fix things with someone who feels that way. The other side feels like I know I will never love anyone like I loved her and to fight for it. I have been in other long term relationships and was even engaged to my previous gf before this one but I broke that one off and never felt close to what I felt with this one. If anyone still believes in soul mates, I truely believe this one was mine. I am a christian and I know it says in the bible that when you marry,you become one flesh. Even though I hadn't married yet, I had every intention and now really do only feel like half a person. I am so lost and I know everyone says to just keep your mind off it and move forward but can someone please give tips on how to do that??

melell Established Member

melell

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Something happens when someone walks away, the ego is bruised. And trust me, that is an understatement. Time will make that fade for sure.

 

I feel the same, I have been in my current city for a year now and have absolutely ZERO friends. It is hard, I am also like 'will I even meet someone to be friends with, let alone be with someone'. We just have to accept things as they are and do our best.

 

As for your soulmate comment, well, I don't know. But my sister swore her ex was her soulmate, she loved this guy to death, they were together 5 years. When they broke up she swore she would never meet anyone again and he could never be replaced because she loved him 'that' much. Funnily enough she is now 3 years happily married with a second baby on the way, and more in love with her husband than she has been with anyone.

 

The thing is you really need give this time, you will feel differently in the future. Now is really not the best time to listen to your emotions, because they will mislead you for sure.

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eric85 Member

eric85

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Something happens when someone walks away, the ego is bruised. And trust me, that is an understatement. Time will make that fade for sure.

 

I feel the same, I have been in my current city for a year now and have absolutely ZERO friends. It is hard, I am also like 'will I even meet someone to be friends with, let alone be with someone'. We just have to accept things as they are and do our best.

 

As for your soulmate comment, well, I don't know. But my sister swore her ex was her soulmate, she loved this guy to death, they were together 5 years. When they broke up she swore she would never meet anyone again and he could never be replaced because she loved him 'that' much. Funnily enough she is now 3 years happily married with a second baby on the way, and more in love with her husband than she has been with anyone.

 

The thing is you really need give this time, you will feel differently in the future. Now is really not the best time to listen to your emotions, because they will mislead you for sure.

 

 

Thanks man I appreciate that and it makes me feel better to hear the story of your sister. Its just hard because we also have a daughter together so I am forced to see her still. Also, I can relate to the zero friends thing. I moved to a new city almost two years ago now and have no one here. I work all the time in another city. I do have a cpl female friends at work but I'm not physically attracted to either so I know it wont ever be more then that but I figure now that I'm single maybe I can go out with them and some of their friends.

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Channa Member

Channa

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A side of me says if thats really how she feels then I see no point in trying to fix things with someone who feels that way. The other side feels like I know I will never love anyone like I loved her and to fight for it.

 

Typical battle of the brain vs heart. This is normal and it sucks. It's normal to feel down and low on confidence after a breakup because breakups is in a way, a form of rejection. A few weeks is not enough for you to be whole again so what you are going through is normal. Being on autopilot is normal as well and it's tough to break out of it but possible.

 

No one can be sure about the soulmate theory. Some might say there are multiple soulmates but in my opinion, the soulmate theory really isn't a good thing to go by because that locks you to one person (whether you met them yet or not) and stops you from really giving other people a chance. Tunnel vision I guess is another term to call it?

JDPT Established Member

JDPT

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Dumpers do exceptionally well at shattering the little bit of confidence we dumpees have left, whether they do is purposely or inadvertently. The simple fact of being, dumped, rejected, kicked to the curb, left stranded, dismissed, and forsaken can certainly take an emotional toll on anyone, specially if the person who inflicts this pain in us is the one we utterly loved.

 

When my ex dumped me I felt like the worst scum on earth. I felt as if I was not worth anything and no one on this earth would want me, almost as if I was tainted for life, and of course this is what my ex made me believe and I bought it. For months I honestly felt as if I wasn't attractive to anyone, however, all that has changed. Prior to my ex I had absolutely no problems picking up girls, it was so easy for me to pick girls if up was a joke, however with the break up my ex of course shattered that confidence.

 

I am not picking myself up little by little, going to the gym taking care of myself as I am all that matters at this point, I am number ONE. My confidence is starting to build up again. I'm back to work, back to school, working out and feel completely useful and know that what she made me believe was complete BS. I learned that I don't need to be perfect for anyone and that it's perfectly fine that I have a million flaws just like any other human being. And honestly feel bad for her as she will be on an never ending journey looking for her "perfect prince" well good luck to her.

 

This will take time but trust me day by day albeit you may not see it you are making progress. Pace yourself, you are in this for the long run no need to rush, take baby steps and be gentle with yourself. You will come out of this a new and improved you.

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Vinsanity1307 Established Member

Vinsanity1307

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Hey man I am about 3 months post BU after a 5 year relationship and I still feel that way. Go through my days on autopilot like a zombie. I try to show brave face when around others but for the most part its just nothing inside. I am assuming its normal. The gym is a big help though. You do feel better when there...

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eric85 Member

eric85

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Typical battle of the brain vs heart. This is normal and it sucks. It's normal to feel down and low on confidence after a breakup because breakups is in a way, a form of rejection. A few weeks is not enough for you to be whole again so what you are going through is normal. Being on autopilot is normal as well and it's tough to break out of it but possible.

 

No one can be sure about the soulmate theory. Some might say there are multiple soulmates but in my opinion, the soulmate theory really isn't a good thing to go by because that locks you to one person (whether you met them yet or not) and stops you from really giving other people a chance. Tunnel vision I guess is another term to call it?

 

Wait so this autopilot feeling may never go away?

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eric85 Member

eric85

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Hey man I am about 3 months post BU after a 5 year relationship and I still feel that way. Go through my days on autopilot like a zombie. I try to show brave face when around others but for the most part its just nothing inside. I am assuming its normal. The gym is a big help though. You do feel better when there...

 

Yea I can relate to the nothing inside feeling. Once she told me we were over I had a feeling inside me as if my heart was literally ripped out and i've felt the emptiness ever since.

justlooking463 Member

justlooking463

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Start working out, go to a gym, run that's what i have done, it is a huge confidence booster, I'm a low self asteem guy as it is, when my ex left she took what little but i had left with her, i started working out and running, it for my confidence back.and even stronger then before, ppl start noticing and it makes u feel even better, boosts ur ego.

 

Then when my ex saw me for the first time after the break up, she couldn't stop telling me how good i look and how much weight i lost, I'm not a fat gut. Had more of a beer belly, but its gone now. That made me feel damn good that she noticed also And possibly was thinking about what she had given up, she's with a fat guy now, he's quite a but bigger than even i read before i got my ass in shape, so i say do something for yourself, you'll feel better in the end.

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melell Established Member

melell

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Time Time Time- it really does change everything. If you had told me just after my breakup (8years together) that in 3-4 months time I would be ok, I wouldn't have believed it for a second.

 

Here I am, and I can honestly say the I am comfortable, there are plenty of things I want, and plenty of things that I wish were different, but I am comfortable. And it is a relief.

 

I went from being completely helpless, depressed, not leaving my house, feeling like there was no point in anything, to feeling pretty close to happy.

 

Feelings still linger, and things sometimes still hurt, but honestly time (and this site) has changed everything.

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eric85 Member

eric85

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Do you ever run into that person or have you since you became confortable? And this site really does help your right, it feels good to have people going or have going through the same feelings and situations and give advice. Right now, lord knows I need all the help I can possibly get. She was my everything and I'm lost without her

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