Soul Doubt Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 So laying in Bed, Blonde jab and i were talking. We were talkign about life and what it all means, and my girl makes a statement in passing..."I don't love, like, or can even stand Myself." i was quiet at first, and I tried to keep my cool, because she never said this b4 now. I said to her "I thought you couldn't love anyone else unless you love yourself." and she told me that's not true... I guess my question is...is she right about that?
SoleMate Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I wouldn't say "impossible", but I do think it's very difficult, and rare, to truly love another person in a wholesome and lasting way if you do not first love and accept yourself. The reason is that self-hating people (or self-indifferent people) have (some or all of) these problems: * Lack of self-confidence * Desperation in partner selection * Hopeless attitude * Self-destructive behavior * Lack of emotional resilience * Easily discouraged and angered (no solid base of contentment to fall back on) * Mental depression * Beating self up emotionally You will see that these problems all cause bad effects in relationships. For instance, if she is in too much pain from beating herself up emotionally, she may "decide" to distract herself by beating her SO up. Still waiting to hear your explanation about that used condom, by the way.
morrigan Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I second Solemate. Souldoubt, there are way too many issues with self esteem, lack of trust, interest in other people and fighting in this relationship you have. You both have contributed to the problems going on.
blind_otter Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I third solemate . I don't know that I've ever known a person who hates themselves who had a successful relationship. I mean, how can you understand how to love someone else if you can't understand how to love yourself? And what does that say about what you think of the other person who loves YOU? I've said this to lovers before. Makes me feel like a jerk for loving someone who doesn't love themselves.
Author Soul Doubt Posted November 30, 2004 Author Posted November 30, 2004 Originally posted by morrigan I second Solemate. Souldoubt, there are way too many issues with self esteem, lack of trust, interest in other people and fighting in this relationship you have. You both have contributed to the problems going on. Thank you for your Opinions Soulmate, Blind otter, But morrigen I don't see how one has anything to do with the other. Maybe i am some half Wit or something I don't know. But this is an issue she siad has been with all her past relationships. She has never loved herself she says. She doesn't like what she looks like Physically, but she is drop dead Gorgeous. She Said that She hasn't liked herself in a long time. And now without the help of Love Shaq we are working **** out. What you have to understand is why Blondejab hasn't come back is cause she is embarrassed. She Exagerated alot of things, and she was angry when she wrote her piece. She was angry because I got off the phone with her when i had company, so she went to the Libary and wrote this little post, like venting or something.... Solemate I explained the Condom thing in my reply to your post, and my girl also said the same thing in one of her posts, i'd thank you to leave that in the post it's already brought up in thank you.
morrigan Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 Lack of self esteem can lead to a lack of trust in others. Someone can be considered very physically attractive but the mirror reflects back all the pain and disgust they have. A person may feel like they are not attractive/intelligent/interesting enough for anyone to love them long term. They will believe this in a relationship where there are no affairs or lies going on, but they might feel that they can't trust anyone to treat them well and be suspicious. Such a person may also date individuals who DO lie and cheat on them. The person with low self esteem may subconsciously feel this treatment is all they deserve. Your friendship with this woman bothers her, this is going to continue to be a sore spot. I'm not saying which kind of relationship you have, I'm saying that there are a lot of issues here that may not be resolved sucessfully. Blondejab shouldn't be embarassed to vent--we all get pissed and say things, right or wrong.
blind_otter Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I'd like to chime in that low self-esteem makes a person destructive in relationships. Something always goes wrong. They either end up in abusive relationships, or they end up f*cking up really good relationships because they think they don't deserve to be happy. How do I know? Why am I making assumptions? Well, I have low self-esteem myself, I was in therapy for 7 years and am now in a group 12 step program. My low self-esteem comes from molestation and two rapes I suffered as a preteen and later as a teenager. I felt, for a long time, that I was hideously ugly. I was in an endless string of abusive relationships, I was careless with myself and my body. I was self-destructive as well. My very twisted perception of reality affected every aspect of my life. A person who can't or doesn't love themselves really needs to take the steps to address that issue. Otherwise it grows like an infection.
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