brandon26003 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I have posted on here before. I am used to taking things too fast when I meet a new love interest which scares the women away. When I say too fast, I'm talking about having feelings within a few weeks of dating. I started talking to this girl about 2.5 months ago. We met on a dating website. We are both 33 years old, divorced, and she has 2 kids (9yrs and 2 years). We messaged/texted back and forth for a month before we actually met in person. (I'm used to meeting within a few days). She is a single monther and lives on her own with her kids. She is a very independent woman and is rarely free from her children. The first time we met, we went to a kids amusement park. When we met, I felt a connection. We have hung out several times since then, and her kids have always been with her. Things have been going great. I feel that I am genuinely starting to have feelings for her, and I can tell she is feeling the same way about me. She always praises me on how wonderful I am and how she is thankful we met. She even tells me that she feels on top of the world when she is around me and even sent me a cute text photo saying, "Be with someone that makes you smile by just thinking about them...for no reason at all." She says she finds herself thinking about me alot. Here is my problem. I am wondering if things are going too slow. We have yet to have a date to ourselves and haven't had sex. I am normally the type that if I don't have sex within a few meetings, I stop talking to them. I would love to have sex with her, but it's one of the last things I think about with her. The thing that is keeping me around is she posesses all the qualities I want in a woman. She is beautiful, intelligent, and most imprtantly, a great mother. I see a future with her, and she says she sees a future with me. My question is are things going to slow? I don't want to rush her, but wonder if she is taking this slow on purpose? Will we ever have time to ourselves? Is she using her kids as an exuse? Any advice would help. Please don't bash me too much!
madjac74 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 If yu like her then who cares about sex? She is going to be cautious because she doesnt want to hurt her kids. She is obviously a good mom to make a guy put some effort into her and her family before she puts out. Do you like her kids? Would you invest in a life with her if her kids are often in the picture? 1
Author brandon26003 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 I love her kids and they seem to like me too. Her son asks about me sometimes. A few of our meetings were to his football games. I'm not concerned about having sex with her at this point. I'm just not used to this slow pace and am wondering if it is too slow. 1
madjac74 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 It is never too slow. All good things will come in due time. Sex is not all that important if you guys are happy 2
mammasita Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 COMMUNICATE!!! ask her what she thinks about having a one on one date with you.....make sure you throw in there that you love the time you've been able to spend getting to know her and her kids but would like to take her to dinner alone if possible.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Is it just me that thinks it's a little weird that she took you out with her children for a first date? Most parents seem to wait a while before introducing their kids to a new partner, and yet you're going to her son's football games before you've even slept together? Something doesn't seem right here. You sure you're not being seen as just a friend? Which in itself is a little weird, that she took a guy she met four weeks ago out to an amusement park with her children. 3
soccerrprp Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Is it just me that thinks it's a little weird that she took you out with her children for a first date? Most parents seem to wait a while before introducing their kids to a new partner, and yet you're going to her son's football games before you've even slept together? Something doesn't seem right here. You sure you're not being seen as just a friend? Which in itself is a little weird, that she took a guy she met four weeks ago out to an amusement park with her children. I was also very interested in this. Your first date with her was with her kids??? And you thought that was okay? And since then? She is either using her kids as a cover to preventing anything further from happening or something else. There is no way that a responsible parent should introduce her children to a total stranger on the first date. You NEED to spend time with her, getting to know her. Suggest that she find a sitter. Easy. How is she supporting herself? She must have money for a sitter. If she wants this to work, she can at least invest in a sitter. She must have friends or even help her find a sitter. I was in a similar situation a while back and believe me, it didn't work out then. The primary reason was b/c we weren't spending enough time to getting to know one another. Good luck, but this bringing her kids along is not healthy. Make certain if she is wanting a relationship (romantic) that she start thinking about and investing in baby-sitting and I would strongly recommend that you DO NOT help pay for the sitting. That would be a red-flag...and frankly, I would chalk that up to her NOT BEING READY to have a relationship of any kind. 1
pyramid Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I agree, this is weird. I am all for taking things slow, and I understand that people have different comfort levels when it comes to introducing kids, but this whole situation strikes me as very odd. You need to start seeing her one on one... hanging out with the kids should be occasional.
Author brandon26003 Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 I have asked her about alone dates. The problem with her finding a sitter is that she lives 2 hours away from any family or friends. She says that she feels terrible that we haven't. She has said, however, that someone she knows is starting a babysitting business within the next few weeks. She said she is the one of the only people she trusts with her children. I don't think she sees me as just a friend. I have asked her about that and she said no. I don't think she would tell me that she sees a future with me, and send me cute little photo sayings if she did. She is on of the most responsible people I know. That is one of the qualities I love about her. She has a masters level education and is supporting her children with not much help from their father financially. I agree...most women are hesitant to bring their children around who they are dating. She said that she never does that, but she felt comfortable since we conversed for a month before meeting. Her children are a part of her. If I can't accept them, I don't deserve to be with her. Any man who won't go around a female and her kids does not deserve to be considered a man. I don't think she is doing anything purposely. I think she is just very independent and doesn't like to rely on other people.
soccerrprp Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I have asked her about alone dates. The problem with her finding a sitter is that she lives 2 hours away from any family or friends. She says that she feels terrible that we haven't. She has said, however, that someone she knows is starting a babysitting business within the next few weeks. She said she is the one of the only people she trusts with her children. I don't think she sees me as just a friend. I have asked her about that and she said no. I don't think she would tell me that she sees a future with me, and send me cute little photo sayings if she did. She is on of the most responsible people I know. That is one of the qualities I love about her. She has a masters level education and is supporting her children with not much help from their father financially. I agree...most women are hesitant to bring their children around who they are dating. She said that she never does that, but she felt comfortable since we conversed for a month before meeting. Her children are a part of her. If I can't accept them, I don't deserve to be with her. Any man who won't go around a female and her kids does not deserve to be considered a man. I don't think she is doing anything purposely. I think she is just very independent and doesn't like to rely on other people. Good. Sounds promising. Being around a total stranger's children has nothing to do with being a "man." It's about being safe, responsible. She introduced her children to you after a month of "conversing." That, in no way, shows that you had been properly vetted/screened to make certain you weren't some jerk. She was likely eager to meet you and couldn't find anyone to watch the kids. That sounds more palatable and reasonable. Anyway, good luck!
todreaminblue Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) as a single mum with girls i dont find it strange that you were introduced to the kids before sex, that to me is natural progression, I wouldnt want to have sex with someone who didnt accept my kids or see them as part of my life,i do think one on one dates are important though.....and wouldnt take my kids on a "date"... i do observe how guys relate to my girls, if they seem interested in speaking to them or dismiss what they are talking about or tell them dont you have something to do i want to talk to your mum.....blaring red flag.........red flag because it wont get better only worse when that guy gets more comfortable and the facade slips a little........that is pure protection single mum 101 i have three girls so last thing that i would want them to think is that i think casual sex is ok...because to me it isnt and for them it shouldnt be ok either.....i have to lead by example...as far as slow goes, not having sex tends to weed out guys looking for one thing and some guys think, here is an easy lay when dealing with a single mother....slow is good....a guy who takes his time seems interested in conversing with children and seems open to them, treats you with respect in front of them and when the kids arent around as well .......good signs.....i feel it is going well for you..being introduced to the kids is actually a pretty big step in itself...definite interest on her behalf...best wishes........deb Edited October 5, 2013 by todreaminblue
veggirl Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I have asked her about alone dates. The problem with her finding a sitter is that she lives 2 hours away from any family or friends. She says that she feels terrible that we haven't. She has said, however, that someone she knows is starting a babysitting business within the next few weeks. She said she is the one of the only people she trusts with her children. I don't think she sees me as just a friend. I have asked her about that and she said no. I don't think she would tell me that she sees a future with me, and send me cute little photo sayings if she did. She is on of the most responsible people I know. That is one of the qualities I love about her. She has a masters level education and is supporting her children with not much help from their father financially. I agree...most women are hesitant to bring their children around who they are dating. She said that she never does that, but she felt comfortable since we conversed for a month before meeting. Her children are a part of her. If I can't accept them, I don't deserve to be with her. Any man who won't go around a female and her kids does not deserve to be considered a man. I don't think she is doing anything purposely. I think she is just very independent and doesn't like to rely on other people. How do the bolded line up at all? She never brings her kids on dates, so presumably got babysitters before but now can't find a babysitter, even once? She's using her kids as a buffer which is weird and inappropriate. I think it's really sad that her one kid is already asking about you. He wants a dad! 2
soccerrprp Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 How do the bolded line up at all? She never brings her kids on dates, so presumably got babysitters before but now can't find a babysitter, even once? She's using her kids as a buffer which is weird and inappropriate. I think it's really sad that her one kid is already asking about you. He wants a dad! Good observation, veggirl! In the past she didn't bring the kids along, but now????
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