BE HONEST: Did you deserved to be dump?

[lindsay1990]

I did. But I also DEFINITELY DESERVED to be taken back. Or allowed to take back my initial dumping. And I begged for daaaaaays!!

[Mariposa10]

Oh my god! This is gonna be such an interesting thread to read!!!

[all_cats_rgray]

To the Dumped

 

Never thought of love as taking tabs. Like "Iv done X,Y,Z for you, THUS I don't deserve to be dumped"

 

Love, Dating does not work that way. LIFE does not work that way. There are no scales, that balance your worth, or your goodness against what you deserve from life.

 

Good things happen to the worst of girlfriend. Bad things happen to the best of boyfriends.

 

 

Dumpers that want to come back.

 

When you dump someone and they don't want you back. lol, you got what you deserve.

 

When you break up with someone, you take their heart rip it in half and s.h.i.t in it.

 

Put your self in their shoes, really. They need to protect themselves from the pain YOU inflict.

 

But really, you just want to go back because something didn't work out, or your lonely, or your having a bad day.

 

(do I sound like a bitter dumped person) yes.

 

What you deserve is to find someone you love, and that you don't want to leave. You deserve to find love that does not have a question mark at the end of it. AND so does the person you dumped.

Edited October 4, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[dolita]

i've been like you

as long as you're in this mindset you won't feel relaxed or get better. It's like you need that person back because it will prove that you are worthy.

 

all you do is want, want, and want, it's called temptation. Be bigger than love, don't let it control you. Romance, Love, understand that it is so vague, like hanging by a thread. If not, why so many breakups? why so many cheaters? love comes and goes easily, period.

[lindsay1990]

I thought so too, Mariposa! Haha oh well

[lindsay1990]

Yeah, I dumped my ex. A woman friend had been calling him late at night and we fought all night about it. I went to sleep in different room and asked him to not leave for work without telling me, so as to not wake up and find him gone. I wake up and he is gone. He claimed he didn't tell me because he "didn't go to work" but instead just "went to buy a coffee". Came back home half an hour later, I was crying, he was indifferent. I said I was leaving too then, as he had. He said nothing. Half an hour later after him not asking me to come back home or apologizing for shouting or whatever had gone on over the night, I texted him "you know what this is over if you want to leave so bad just go ahead and leave and go be with her because you're in love with her and have been! just go, there's nothing to do here!". Yeah, I guess I literally did break up with him and kicked him out of the house. 20 minutes later I came crying back and he didn't even make it past the corner. Came back, we fought, he cried. Never forgave me for "having kicked him out".

 

Begged for 23 days. After a one year relationship. I am still bitter, 2.5 months later, yes. But I do believe that if it was primarily the fact that I "kicked him out" which he latched on to, I did deserve to be forgiven for that. We were both emotional and a wreck that night/morning. He knows I didn't mean a real break up - he had other reasons, duh. But I'm saying I do feel it wasn't THAT bad or unforgivable, as it's not like I threw his clothes in the car and called him three days later to come home.

 

Was curious about others maybe ever feeling this way.

Edited October 4, 2013 by lindsay1990

[JDPT]

I was fine with her dumping me as I subliminally saw us drifting apart months ago. All I wanted was simple conversation not straight full blown out NC sheesh. Things happen for a reason so they say.

[Simon Phoenix]

I deserved to be put in the dog house, not dumped necessarily. But I was. Sh*t happens.

[reddragon588]

I needed to make a lot of changes in my life, and that's what I've been doing post-break up. I wish that I had the chance to make these chances while still with her, but I also recognize I may not have been motivated enough to do it if she hadn't broken up with me (which is sorta sad when I think about it). I was stuck in la-la land and didn't see that I was letting myself slip. Do I still wish things had worked out? Sure. But they didn't, and I'm doing great now regardless.

[lindsay1990]

I actually did a full 180 on this one after reading Sophie's on-going saga over here.

 

It's about infidelity but I realized that my bf did not have to forgive me. Just because if he had done that to me it wouldn't have seemed that bad, and I would have forgiven it, or I expected another man to forgive that sort of thing - doesn't mean he had to, or that I should have been so ignorant as to pre-emptively expect forgiveness.

 

From now on, at least for me, nothing but almost perfect mature and understanding and tolerant behaviour will come from me. No more entitled little girl bitching, because hurt is hurt no matter where it comes from (like in the linked story infidelity), and no hurt carries a get-out-of-jail free card.

 

Did I threadjack myself? Anyway, just wanted to share because that thread is a great, sobering read.

[lauri]

I think that the fact I was starting to get jealous and question my ex due to her actions us breaking up was probably for the best. However, I don't think I deserved what she did to me. Oh well, bc seriously id rather spend my time on finding someone who will love me then waste it on her.

 

I don't need a relationship to be happy. I'm just looking forward to meeting someone who will enhance my life rather then make it . Interesting thread.

[lindsay1990]

I think that the fact I was starting to get jealous and question my ex due to her actions us breaking up was probably for the best. However, I don't think I deserved what she did to me. Oh well, bc seriously id rather spend my time on finding someone who will love me then waste it on her.

 

I don't need a relationship to be happy. I'm just looking forward to meeting someone who will enhance my life rather then make it . Interesting thread.

 

Yeah, I mean, I was obviously gaslighted and double-standard-ed a lot In my relationship. I was trickle truth-ed and the trust issues became too much. But I know I should not have been so impulsive and so hasty and harsh in "defending" myself. I made everything worse. But it was up to both people to defuse, not just me or just him.

 

What i'm saying is a that I am a lot more self-aware I guess, that when things become confrontational I need to step up because reading all the hurt, idk.... I just feel I've been scared straight to become more considerate and gentle with others.

[Omei]

No I treated him like my King.

I was a really good gf got mad yes but because I was taken for granted......a lot!!! and that made fights.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Omei

[EdG]

I too deserved to be put in the "dog house" for the event which led to me being dumped, but having said that I recognise now that there was perhaps some fundamental difficulties in the relationship which led us to separating. I didn't beg for forgiveness or for her to take me back as I knew the break up was for the best, for us both.

 

I've learnt from my mistakes. I am working on ensuring they don't surface in future relationships. I believe the experience I've had with this girl will help shape me as a person and benefit me going forward.

 

I don't need a relationship to be happy, I'm quite happy on my own, but I love having someone to share my life and grow with.

 

Through this I've realised just how vulnerable relationship are. One minute you're in one, the next you're not and it's hard to put a finger on why. I need to appreciate what I have more. I'm a grass is always greener person and I need to grow up and recognise the beauty in front of me. But if a relationship just isn't working, then it just isn't meant to be.

 

I miss my ex girlfriend terribly. I sent her a birthday email yesterday and got a nice friendly reply. I'm glad she's ok. I want her to be happy. I love her very much, but I know we wouldn't have lasted. The relationship was hard work, despite still being in relative infancy (1 year).

 

Right now I'm enjoying doing things I wouldn't have been able to do during my relationship. I'm probably out a little too much, but hey, it's keeping my mind occupied and I'm meeting some great people along the way. I've just boughten first flat and I move in on Wednesday! This is an exciting new chapter in my life. I will embrace it.

 

When you've done wrong and hurt someone it's difficult to forgive yourself. But remember, you're human, we all make mistakes. Recognise and apologise for our mistakes. Don't dwell on them. They don't define us as people.

 

I'm looking forward to finding love again, but I'm in no rush.

 

Good luck everyone!! Keep healthy. ;-)

[candie13]

Talking about being dumped or dumping someone means huge issues were involved. Ideally, in a relationships where both partner want to make it work, there won't be any "dump-able" offenses.

 

If there are... well, that means the relationship isn't that strong to begin with, because one or both partner don't really want to work hard at making it work. It's really irrelevant if you've said you're sorry, showed you can change..

 

Most of the times, if it's broken, it's beyond repair. Other times, the partner with most of the doubts realized they're about to lose their other partner forever and changes his/her attitude 180 degrees and thus, the relationship is saved. In maybe... 1% of cases.

 

Lindsay, you were right to raise hell because a woman called him late at night. You were right to be vulnerable. You were right to ask him to change his behaviour. If he was sorry, he would not have left in the morning. He was provoking you to make you even more angry. And when you did - rightfully so, he pushed your buttons further more.

 

The "get out of my house" is an understandable reaction. He took it and ran away with it because he wanted to leave you. Before the fight, before sleeping in separate beds, before that woman called.

 

Sorry, girl. He was looking for an excuse and didn't want to be the bad guy. Had no balls to confront you and dump you.

 

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I've said worse things during fights. I've kicked out - physically - my ex, screamed and yelled, and he came back. Because I was right and because he thought he loved me.

 

The trouble is... if he really did love me, he wouldn't have acted in such a way as for me to have to kick him out, you understand?

 

People inlove don't get into this type of situations.

 

Stop overthinking it and PLEASE, stop taking all this blame. You are clinging onto blame, to have the feel that fixing this relationship is under your control. It's not. He moved on long long ago. Before the fight. Before the call.

 

He's a chicken. Some men have a penis and balls, but this is exactly where their male attributes stop. sorry, girl, open your eyes and think better next time.

[Never Again]

Most of the times, if it's broken, it's beyond repair. Other times, the partner with most of the doubts realized they're about to lose their other partner forever and changes his/her attitude 180 degrees and thus, the relationship is saved. In maybe... 1% of cases.

 

I've usually found that what's broken is the connection, and so many people are willing to give up. So many prefer to just find the next, new exciting relationship, because THAT one will "click" and just work out with no effort or emotional vulnerability.

 

As long as a relationship isn't toxic, and there is compatibility and chemistry (chemistry comes and goes, but it needs to have been there at some point), I firmly believe that a relationship can work if both partners put the effort in.

 

But that's WORK, and no one wants to work if they don't feel like it nowadays, even if that work would bring back those feelings.

[candie13]

I've usually found that what's broken is the connection, and so many people are willing to give up. So many prefer to just find the next, new exciting relationship, because THAT one will "click" and just work out with no effort or emotional vulnerability.

 

As long as a relationship isn't toxic, and there is compatibility and chemistry (chemistry comes and goes, but it needs to have been there at some point), I firmly believe that a relationship can work if both partners put the effort in.

 

But that's WORK, and no one wants to work if they don't feel like it nowadays, even if that work would bring back those feelings.

 

BS .

 

If you really really like a person, you behave yourself. If you don't, then you don't really like them that much, in the first place. All the work in the world won't be able to fix that problem.

 

I mean honestly, if you really like a person, would you treat them like crap? Not call? Sleep around? Be unavailable emotionally? Disrespectful? Of course not.

 

Sure people do give up easily. But maybe it's better that they do, because they refuse to invest into something that is cold/warm. Save time until they meet someone that they really really like, where it's fire.

[skydiveaddict]

I feel I should have at least got a "Dear John " letter.

[Leigh 87]

By my first boyfriend? Yes. He deserves to find a girl he is truly IN love with, and he deeply LOVE me and care for me very well even when my life was a mess and he saw me at my worst.

I also deserve to find a guy who is IN love with me.

 

This current guy? I did a few silly things, I think we should see things through, based on the very strong initial feelings we both had for one another, which we have not gotten for many months with our other partners.

 

He is ringing me tonight, to dump me I am fairly certain. I hope he lets me get a word in to say sorry and goodbye; I hope we can re connect one day.

 

Damn it, I so don't deserve to be dumped:lmao:

 

I can see why he is probably going to though!

[Sneaky]

This is sort of an odd question; I can't narrow down an action that caused the breakup but if she doesn't want to be with me then obviously she doesn't have to, so yeah I deserved to get dumped because she deserves to be happy and if she is happier without me then so be it.

[tinker683]

The relationship was a toxic, codependent, mutually emotionally abusive relationship. It needed to end.

 

That said, I did not deserve to be strung along for months with her promising me how much she loved me and how much she adored me while she spent all of her time hanging out with her now-boyfriend.

 

I would have greatly preferred she just let me go instead of putting me through that and forcing me to end the relationship because she was too much of a coward to do it herself.

[Never Again]

BS .

 

If you really really like a person, you behave yourself. If you don't, then you don't really like them that much, in the first place. All the work in the world won't be able to fix that problem.

 

I mean honestly, if you really like a person, would you treat them like crap? Not call? Sleep around? Be unavailable emotionally? Disrespectful? Of course not.

 

Sure people do give up easily. But maybe it's better that they do, because they refuse to invest into something that is cold/warm. Save time until they meet someone that they really really like, where it's fire.

 

I didn't mention treating anyone like crap, did I?

 

Fights happen. Part of life.

 

Also, it never stays "hot" or "fire" all the time. The spark of attraction that behind a relationships begins a fire, but it will cool down to embers at some point. Always does. But a little fresh air, and the fire flares back up.

 

If you aren't willing to endure the warm moments, you don't deserve the hot.

[all_cats_rgray]

Talking about being dumped or dumping someone means huge issues were involved. Ideally, in a relationships where both partner want to make it work, there won't be any "dump-able" offenses.

 

 

90% of relationships end with a dumper and dumpee. And the reasons for the ending of the relationship can start from he doesn't floss his teeth to huge issues. The amount of relationships that end in mutually break up is very very small.

 

Even the ego of the dumpee in the relationship can convince themselves that its mutual. The "Fine, you don't want to work on this, neither do I" The "Your breaking up with me...NO, I'm breaking up with you."

 

People go at extreme lengths to protect themselves. Even dumpee's jump through mental hoops to some how make the dumper/relationship into a ugly waste of time. When I look back now I only see the bad, and to take control of my deep disappointment I tell myself " It really wasn't that special because it ended so easily"

 

Even looking at the OP statement she's basically saying she dumped him. But really, he didn't have the balls to do it and push her to dump him.

 

 

There must have been major issues because

 

dumped or dumping someone means huge issues were involved. Ideally, in a relationships where both partner want to make it work, there won't be any "dump-able" offenses.

 

Which is another way of trying to understand, issues of the heart.

 

We try to make sense of how it ended. One of the logical conclusions we come to is, well we didn't have a strong relationship in the first place.

 

But strong relationships can end in a blink of a eye. People dump their wives/ husband of 30 plus years. Strong relationship can crumble like the great roman empire.

 

We have all seen Romeo and Juliet file for divorce in the next act. Life is constantly changing, its a river flowing developing and never static.

 

But I'm just trying to point out. Life is random to a degree. Sometime, things just happen. Life is random with bits of cause and effect.

Edited October 4, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[barky2]

I was the "original" dumper.

 

But in trying to get her back,I deserved every ounce of pain she out me threw.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[L1ght]

It all depends on perspective I guess. I don't feel like there was enough justification for my ex to dump me but its pretty clear that she felt justified in doing so. Our problem was that as good as our relationship could be the times that we argued could be very explosive and I guess she got to the point where deep inside she felt like she couldn't try anymore hence her faith wasn't strong enough to keep our bond alive.

 

Though I do feel like all she had to do was believe in us and that if she had just kept believing then we could have made it through I have to admit that the anger and frustration I threw in her direction once she dumped me was pretty toxic and without a doubt it contributed to her sticking to the decision she made instead of feeling like she made a mistake........I ask myself could I have handled it in a different way? Perhaps I could have but on the other hand she knew me inside out and must have known that I was not going to react well to this situation. Its pretty difficult to keep a calm head when the communication is completely breaking down.

 

What can I say, I'm not perfect but I'm not the one who lost faith and I feel like my reaction to her losing faith is more justified than her loss of faith in the relationship to begin with.

 

Anyway, too much time has passed now and everything we once had is lost and broken. That's life. I don't feel too much loss these days and any time I do reflect I just shake my head in disbelief for a minute or two before going about my day.

Edited October 4, 2013 by L1ght