Atem Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 So, I keep hearing from virtually everyone I know that girl X or guy Y (random people in their lives ranging from BFsa/GFs to just colleagues at work) has some sort of "baggage" and that this "baggage" makes them undesirable as either/or a. friends b. lovers c. relationship partners etc. The "baggage" that I've heard about includes but is not limited to: - financial debt - previous marriage (potentially with kids) - chronic illnesses - either past or present - spotty job history/unemployment - certain ethnic and/or societal background - a HUGE number of past relationships - a HUGE number of "close" male/female friends Now - I do have my own definition of "baggage" but, given the vary variable definitions that I've heard, let me ask you 2 questions: 1. How would you define "baggage"? and 2. What kind of "baggage" would be a relationship dealbreaker for you?
TheBladeRunner Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 For me, baggage is mostly emotional. I see baggage as something that your partner/date do irrationally [because of his/her past] even when you don't give him/her a reason for that particular behavior. It is a sign that s/he didn't start this new chapter with a clean slate. So s/he is carrying something from his/her past. Baggage. It's a sign of 'not being emotionally ready' or 'not being mature enough to analyze/digest the issue and make a learning experience as opposed to baggage.' Either case, it is detrimental. This is the biggest thing I run into when dating, sometimes I get fortunate and discover "what lies beneath" quickly, other times it may take a few weeks. I understand that people have issues, heck, I have issues too; who doesn't? But it's how we deal with those challenges and how we get through it that defines us. Baggage is what we/they choose to hold onto emotionally in my opinion.
TheGuard13 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 People don't seem to want to do any work in a relationship. A lot of people see "baggage" as too much work. Everyone's got baggage of some kind or another. Not all of it is detrimental or difficult to handle. 3
Author Atem Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 hm - so you guys see baggage as an emotional inability to start fresh with someone new? Interesting - I alway thought of it as an aggregation of certain, undesirable attributes that come with a date/GF For example: "She's such a great girl and we totally get each other. However: - her ex BFs keep calling her - her spending habits are out of control and she's in deep credit card debt - etc. So, how do you call all the other issues that I listed in my original post, then if not baggage?
grkBoy Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Baggage to me is mainly when she's been in a string of bad relationships, makes poor choices when it comes to men, and is showing emotional/psychological issues/trauma due to being burned by those past men. You'll see she literally needs a therapist more than a boyfriend. Some call this "Daddy issues". The term "baggage" happens as the idea that her problems are so big that she carries it around with her like someone carrying a bunch of luggage. 1
Mascara Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Things from the past where the issues involved haven't been dealt with. For example, an ex-wife is not a problem. A psycho one who turns up at 3am is. 1
HighheelsAries Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Baggage is ex wives and any kids. That is a deal breaker for me. Ex wives and crazy girlfriends I can handle, their kids not. Will always tell a single childless person to stay away from someone with kids- its always a complicated nightmare that changes your life in ways you don't want. You don't need it. Dont sign up for it. Why isn't there some type of airline that can lose this type of baggage??
veggirl Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Baggage is a catch-all for anything I don't want to deal with. Kids Ex wife Tons of girl friends Friends with exes Addiction Unemployed Mental illness Etc. I have never had a problem getting guys who DON'T have baggage I don't like so why settle for someone who does have that baggage. 1
tlegend Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Baggage to me is problems that are GOING to have to be dealt with moving forward in a relationship. To put it in a picture. Imagine this woman coming off an airplane. She's gorgeous, she's intelligent, witty, and independent. She's everything you've ever wanted. When she steps off the plane, behind her is this REALLY BIG BAG OF BAGGAGE, and on it is a label that says "MY EX BOYFRIEND I STILL HANG OUT WITH" or "MY CREDIT SCORE GAVE MY BANK ACCOUNT HERPES" Things that you deal with and eventually get over isn't baggage to me. That's just individuality. But bringing past problems into new relationships? THAT'S baggage!
miss_jaclynrae Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Baggage, something someone carries around until they meet you and make you carry it too. Different sizes, different weights, some aren't so bad, others suck. It is all personal preference as to whose and what baggage you agree to carry for someone.
white Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 It's whatever they bring with them from the past that affects you but is nothing to do with you. It could be a way they treat you like untrusting or emotional unavailability or just a way they behave, like poor financial sense or alcoholism. Something made them like that in their past and you shouldn't be subjected to it. It's baggage. Healthy people don't do it, or at least, whatever they do is not showstopping. It's become a codeword unfortunately for ****heels to use about anything they aren't prepared to deal with, any inconveniences at all, such as shift work, children, care for parents, being poor, NOT being alcoholic, NOT being into drugs, even owning pets. These days the people with the baggage fling the word at the people without it that they have a hard time getting on with, because part of their baggage is a lack of self awareness. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 hm - so you guys see baggage as an emotional inability to start fresh with someone new? Interesting - I alway thought of it as an aggregation of certain, undesirable attributes that come with a date/GF For example: "She's such a great girl and we totally get each other. However: - her ex BFs keep calling her - her spending habits are out of control and she's in deep credit card debt - etc. So, how do you call all the other issues that I listed in my original post, then if not baggage? I call those character flaws and turn-offs. 1
Recommended Posts