Myllarinen Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hi all I recently broke up with my partner (just over 4 weeks ago) and i am struggling with all aspects of my life since we broke up. We dated for roughly 9 and a half months and went through a lot together. Since the break up, ive struggled to give her space and time to think things through, to the point she completely ignores me now, shes blocked me from all forms of contact and unfriended me. I cannot contact her now and although i love her dearly, i cant let go because i feel i will have lost everything i ever wanted, everything that ever made me happy. I feel like ive come to far, gone way too deep to give up on winning her heart back. Any advice is welcome. Myllarinen
ponchsox Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You pretty much answered your own question. You have to engage in NC (no contact) and that means no calls, texts, facebook, email, you name it. This is for you to heal and protect you from any further suffering. I'm going through the same thing right now, although my ex was kind enough to say she would always be there for me if I needed to talk. And I texted her some pretty hurtful things because I was angry. I'm still avoiding contact as I need time to heal my heart before I think about any attempt to reconciliate. What helps me is things that make me laugh. Comedies, movies, etc. Life is too short to have a frown on your face every day. Good luck my friend. There are some good people here to help you along the way.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 The common theme regarding what you describe above is that you must find happiness and fulfillment from within yourself only. Searching for it from another will always leave you in a state of despair. Always!! 3
reddragon588 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Happiness comes from within. Find something that makes you happy and go all out on it. For me, it was working out. It doesn't matter what it is though. Just throw yourself into it.
Turnandcough Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hi all I recently broke up with my partner (just over 4 weeks ago) and i am struggling with all aspects of my life since we broke up. We dated for roughly 9 and a half months and went through a lot together. Since the break up, ive struggled to give her space and time to think things through, to the point she completely ignores me now, shes blocked me from all forms of contact and unfriended me. I cannot contact her now and although i love her dearly, i cant let go because i feel i will have lost everything i ever wanted, everything that ever made me happy. I feel like ive come to far, gone way too deep to give up on winning her heart back. Any advice is welcome. Myllarinen Alright... Reread what you just wrote.... Let me quote something. You contacted her so much that know she ignores you. You did that to yourself when all it would take is a little restraint and dignity to say I respect your decision. That's all! It's too late to do that now so don't do it. I'm going to be super honest with you because I have been in the exact spot your in regardless if you think y'all's love was different or you were meant to be together. We all have been there. No matter if you want her back or not, there is only one solution. Move on! This doesn't mean move on and keep thinking when is she gonna contact me? No that's not moving on. You think you look attractive to her when all these other guys she sees are smiling an laughing on a daily basis and your begging, pleading, swearing you'll change? No dude girls don't want to be the male of the relationship. They want to follow a man with a plan for his own life and she will feel special that she is apart of it. You've got to look at yourself and see what you have been doing and ask yourself, is that attractive to even yourself? You also said she is the only thing that makes you happy? How? So before you ever met her you hated life? She doesn't have the power to take your happiness because it was never hers to begin with! I repeat this next part over and over. Once you have really moved in and become the alpha male tht has everything in his own life he "needs", that's when you realize you just "wanted" her! You absolutely don't need her to be happy in your life. Once you hit that point, you don't think your ex and every girl you come into contact with won't notice this? Your gonna glow again. She will be like wow he has changed and is doing better than I've ever seen him. Maybe I messed up! I want to be apart of that life because it looks fun and new. She isn't going to come back to a sniffling badgering ex. Your ok without her! You don't know it yet but I swear you are. Get the hell out and go laugh, meet new people, make memories, an workout for god sake! All this new time you will have you can become a muscle machine that is prob. Gonna make any girl drool. You win either way! If you get your ex back great, you an decide when ( and only when ) you have become this new you. maybe you will meet someone who is twice the woman she is! Think about how crazy that would be! If you lived her that much, What about a person you love twice as much? Be logical my friend not emotional. Turn 2
Froelich87 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 turnandcough is completely right. I'm going through a pretty bad break up with a first love....and it was just time to let go of her. I didn't want to waste another minute thinking that she and she alone would provide my happiness. I provide my own happiness. When it was all said and done ( she had the case of the g.i.g.s. and other things? idk confused...read and reply to my post even though its super long) but I didn't beg... i didn't plead... i let her go so she can do her own thing. I loved her and I proved it by showing her that I respected her. I haven't been through any other break ups in the past... but this one wasn't so bad. It didn't end on a bad note... no bad things were said. Just told her that I simply had to go no contact to heal and that I would contact her when I'm ready. Wasn't going to be her friend that she wanted me to be. Trust me, I know that it sucks and I know that it's hard. I'm there feeling the same pain and hurt that you are feeling right now... but we will move on. We will be happy. We were happy before them and we will be happy without them! Stay strong
tma Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Alright... Reread what you just wrote.... Let me quote something. You contacted her so much that know she ignores you. You did that to yourself when all it would take is a little restraint and dignity to say I respect your decision. That's all! It's too late to do that now so don't do it. I'm going to be super honest with you because I have been in the exact spot your in regardless if you think y'all's love was different or you were meant to be together. We all have been there. No matter if you want her back or not, there is only one solution. Move on! This doesn't mean move on and keep thinking when is she gonna contact me? No that's not moving on. You think you look attractive to her when all these other guys she sees are smiling an laughing on a daily basis and your begging, pleading, swearing you'll change? No dude girls don't want to be the male of the relationship. They want to follow a man with a plan for his own life and she will feel special that she is apart of it. You've got to look at yourself and see what you have been doing and ask yourself, is that attractive to even yourself? You also said she is the only thing that makes you happy? How? So before you ever met her you hated life? She doesn't have the power to take your happiness because it was never hers to begin with! I repeat this next part over and over. Once you have really moved in and become the alpha male tht has everything in his own life he "needs", that's when you realize you just "wanted" her! You absolutely don't need her to be happy in your life. Once you hit that point, you don't think your ex and every girl you come into contact with won't notice this? Your gonna glow again. She will be like wow he has changed and is doing better than I've ever seen him. Maybe I messed up! I want to be apart of that life because it looks fun and new. She isn't going to come back to a sniffling badgering ex. Your ok without her! You don't know it yet but I swear you are. Get the hell out and go laugh, meet new people, make memories, an workout for god sake! All this new time you will have you can become a muscle machine that is prob. Gonna make any girl drool. You win either way! If you get your ex back great, you an decide when ( and only when ) you have become this new you. maybe you will meet someone who is twice the woman she is! Think about how crazy that would be! If you lived her that much, What about a person you love twice as much? Be logical my friend not emotional. Turn What you have said here just really helped me from breaking NC and messaging my ex right now. I am having such a hard time not messaging him and trying to change his mind or just talk to him and see if anything has changed for him. It's basically all I can think about and I've been crying tonight because of it. I'm so sick of crying... Myllarien - I think at this point you really have no choice but to go NC. Anything you say now will only push them away further at this point unfortunately. It is hard for me to take my own advice right now because I am going through something very similar, but what everyone else has been saying does make sense. I hope that things get better for you, and that maybe things can work out for the two of you down the road.
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