h0000 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 my ex contacted me asking to meet up and all that but I realised he was using me as a back up.
Mariposa10 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 my ex contacted me asking to meet up and all that but I realised he was using me as a back up. Why? is he dating other people? To OP, I was reading some super interesting articles about NC today and in your case the advice was to ASK HER DIRECTLY. JUST ASK HER WHAT THE DEAL IS. It doesn't matter what she went through, nothing matters, if she wants to get back together with you she will positively. Keep us updated!!
h0000 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Why? is he dating other people? !! He isnt dating other people but it seems he is chasing other people. last week he asked me out but then canceled it on me saying "my other friends are going now and I asked them first ".i suspected there is a girl and he answered" ha ha that's one way to look at it, among with 8 other people! LOL!". I'm offended and said I'm not your backup and not a second freaking choice! he kept explaining no he wasn't using me .he asked too many people and plans got messed up. I felt that was BS so I ignored him. later he apologized "sorry to make you feel like that"."that was stupid and selfish" "again sorry. I actually wished I was with you the night wasn't enjoyable at all" blah blah. I still ignored him. 2
Mcnulty Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Answering your q mate, no she hasn't dumped me, just avoided the question and said id be alright,ha! She's tried to carry on as if nothing has happened/been said, total head games for me it is. So be aware, don't get yourself in my position on Saturday of asking, her dodging and wanting to just carry on, I'm gonna have to pull me head up again and confront the whole thing to her, because I can't go on like this with someone I love deeply, tearing me apart and I have major health issues/operations arising again. Make it cut and dried on Saturday, don't go through the **** I'm going through please.
Zoyalover Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 As you know, this is a difficult situation. Personally, If my ex started doing this, and started trying to see me and text me all the time like this, I'd be pretty damn sure that she wants me back, and is just dreading and postponing apologizing by laying down this foundation for you to start accepting her advances. Okay Romaks, This very thing has been happening over the 4 months that I have been broken up with my ex, except that he has clearly stated that he is not going to change, that initially he wanted to try again, then he didn't, then he did, and now says not now... I don't understand what he wants. Since going through limbo I have just decided for him that "I may start dating again." I was just so tired of the back and forth and I had maintained my stance which was that I wanted to be with him, but still that wasn't enough. We have been seeing each other for the last 3 weeks once a week and for the last two times we saw each other we made out and have had great conversations... Ugghhhh... I hate love:mad:
reddragon588 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 Good luck tomorrow bro. Be strong. It is the start of something new and something great- whether she is a part of that new chapter or not, you're going to be better than ever. If she's not a part of ot, that is completely her loss!
Beautiful diamond Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You are wise for being cautious. She probably is feeling like she wants you back. But you seem to be moving on. If you are just staying in contact to not be the bad guy don't. Sure it will hurt her if you cut contact, but in the end she will be thankful you didn't string her along. Don't ever force love or a relationship. If it ain't the same anymore move on. I commend you for not taking advantage of her.
Author lovesucks76 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Sorry I haven't been here in a long time. Thank everyone for the advice. At the time I was very lost. So here the update: So Saturday came and I met with her as planned. We made small talk and finally I told her how I felt and that I had tried to remain just friends but couldn't anymore since I still had feelings for her. I asked her how she felt about me. She said nothing and I said OK and stopped talking. She then said we should remain as friends. I was pissed. I said OK and left. I didn't contact her again after that. Nothing! No calls, no texts! She didn't try to contact me until 5 days after. She knew I was pissed. She called me after 5 days and wanted to talk and I said I was busy and hung up. She then texted me for the next few days and I also ignored. After 2 weeks of no contact I ran into her at the gym. She says she missed talking to me. I try to ignore and walk away but she insists in talking. We go outside and I then told her that I was hurt by her selfishness and if she cared at all 'please let me go'. I also said I hadn't changed my mind. She then told me she loved me too and that she was afraid to be in a serious relationship right now but she can't stand to lose me. She told me she has loved since the first day we met. I will spare the details. We have been back together for a few weeks now. Things are going great. I'm being careful but also feel better about us and about me too. I know I can stand on my own BUT it's sure nice to have her back. We have been spending a lot of time talking about COMMUNICATION. So far, things are MUCH better! Thanks everyone! 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Sorry I haven't been here in a long time. Thank everyone for the advice. At the time I was very lost. So here the update: So Saturday came and I met with her as planned. We made small talk and finally I told her how I felt and that I had tried to remain just friends but couldn't anymore since I still had feelings for her. I asked her how she felt about me. She said nothing and I said OK and stopped talking. She then said we should remain as friends. I was pissed. I said OK and left. I didn't contact her again after that. Nothing! No calls, no texts! She didn't try to contact me until 5 days after. She knew I was pissed. She called me after 5 days and wanted to talk and I said I was busy and hung up. She then texted me for the next few days and I also ignored. After 2 weeks of no contact I ran into her at the gym. She says she missed talking to me. I try to ignore and walk away but she insists in talking. We go outside and I then told her that I was hurt by her selfishness and if she cared at all 'please let me go'. I also said I hadn't changed my mind. She then told me she loved me too and that she was afraid to be in a serious relationship right now but she can't stand to lose me. She told me she has loved since the first day we met. I will spare the details. We have been back together for a few weeks now. Things are going great. I'm being careful but also feel better about us and about me too. I know I can stand on my own BUT it's sure nice to have her back. We have been spending a lot of time talking about COMMUNICATION. So far, things are MUCH better! Thanks everyone! I'm going to be honest here...not enough time passed. No one healed, no one got over the initial situation, and nothing really changed. In a nutshell, the fear of being alone and insecurities are now fueling this "new" relationship. I mentioned this in a previous thread of yours when you restarted contact after so soon. You started contact REALLY soon after the initial breakup and thus didnt give you or her enough time to sort out anything. You feel that huge rush right now and things are going well and I really hope they stay that way.....but I've seen this story play out too many times. The initial hurt on both parties will rear its ugly head again, even with good communication. I'm glad you're happy...thats the overall goal of this site is to have everyone feel better. I will just say that I think this is too soon. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 (edited) I know I can stand on my own I think I missed that part in this story... Edited December 2, 2013 by mtnbiker3000 1
Author lovesucks76 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Posted December 4, 2013 You know...it has been close to a month since we have gotten back together and I know a lot of you think that I went back to her too soon. I respect your opinions and appreciate the feedback, I really do. I came here when I was lost and sad and you all supported me and help me. So thanks for that! Since we have been back together we have been inseparable and having a lot of fun. It's like old times but even better. Once we overcame this last obstacle our relationship took a step in the right direction. We grew closer and more intimate. I know it's not a guarantee that we will always be happy or together but TODAY we are extremely happy. We're trying to take it slow and give each other some space and so far is working well for both of us. We're not getting married or moving in together anytime soon....we're just enjoying each other and taking each moment as is, we are having great fun and everyday it's a new beautiful day for us, what else can one ask for?....While I agree with many people's opinions here I have to say.... sometimes we're all a little too harsh and too quick to judge here. Let's give it a chance and see how it goes before we throw any more stones. 1
RDawg Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 No one here really wants to hear stories about succesful reconciliations, it makes us jealous. 1
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