lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 We broke up almost 2 months ago. We were NC for 2 weeks and then she slowly started to send breadcrumbs which lI initially ignored but led us to begin talking and spending more time together again. She texts me almost everyday now. Yesterday she sent 15 texts. She's very caring and always asks about work, life, family, etc... how am i doing, etc..She also invited me to go running with her and also made plans for us to go see a show together. She told me this week she just purchased a guitar. She knows I'm a huge guitar player so she went out and bough one and texts me a picture saying "maybe you could come over and teach me how to play". Not sure what to think anymore and I really don't feel like asking her. Is she waiting for me to ask her out? or Is she wating for me to make a first move? I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes I feel I should walk away and let her go. I love her but she's hard to figure out. I also don't want to feel rejected again. What I really want to hear is " I'm sorry , I want you back and I screwed up". I will give her some more time but if nothing happens I may just stop seeing her....not worth getting my heart shattered again. I feel almost as bad as when we were broken up and NC. Not sure what to do next.
ponchsox Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I'm facing the same dilemma with an ex. Do I go back to her as a friend and hope to rekindle a relationship or do I protect my heart again? That is only something you can answer based on what you can handle. If you do meet with her, maybe have coffee first and discuss the extent of your new relationship?
Romaks Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 As you know, this is a difficult situation. Personally, If my ex started doing this, and started trying to see me and text me all the time like this, I'd be pretty damn sure that she wants me back, and is just dreading and postponing apologizing by laying down this foundation for you to start accepting her advances. Does that make sense? 1
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 As you know, this is a difficult situation. Personally, If my ex started doing this, and started trying to see me and text me all the time like this, I'd be pretty damn sure that she wants me back, and is just dreading and postponing apologizing by laying down this foundation for you to start accepting her advances. Does that make sense? YES! that's what I think too. I also think she wants me to make the first move. We're grown ups and we shouldn't play games at this point but I feel that she needs to apologize first. I know it probably drives her crazy that I'm a bit indifferent now but not bitter. She expected me to chase her which I didn't. One thing the BU taugh me was that I was too accomodating and nice to her before and that I really needed to regain control. It's important to keep a RS balanced and our wasn't.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 And this is why we stay NC folks. Breadcrumbs. Cake-eating. You name it, you're receiving the whole gamut. The rule of thumb here is, it's all BS until they come out and admit making a mistake, discuss how they have changed and how much they want you back and why it will be different this time. The rest is BS and will drive you insane. Hence your insanity 3
reddragon588 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Well I would say you're struggling because you're in contact with her. And yes, you are grown ups and there is no need to play games. You need to ask her exactly what she's doing. Tell her how you feel and be honest with her that if she's looking for a friend, you can't do that. Honesty is key and communication is the foundation of every successful relationship. So just be open and ask her what she's trying to get at. If it's not what you're looking for, then back to NC.. For good. 2
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I'm facing the same dilemma with an ex. Do I go back to her as a friend and hope to rekindle a relationship or do I protect my heart again? That is only something you can answer based on what you can handle. If you do meet with her, maybe have coffee first and discuss the extent of your new relationship? Yes, every situation is different. Ours was complicated but we both loved eachother very much and there's no 3rd party involvement here. We've already met a couple times but never discussed the RS or the BU. i didn't bring it up and I know she wanted to but was afraid to. When we broke up I had asked her " do you really want to do this?" she said "I think so" I said OK and left. I was crushed but didn't want to show it. Now it's a similar thing. I miss her and truly love her but I need to hold on to my balls now and not show it. I also don't want to give her another chance ro reject me. Like you said I'm "protecting my heart" now!
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I know it seems like there is a lot of uncertainty here, but there isn't. The fact that she let you go is enough for you to know. It's all you need to know. Sorry, but people who really, truly love you, wouldn't dream of letting you go. No way!!
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Well I would say you're struggling because you're in contact with her. And yes, you are grown ups and there is no need to play games. You need to ask her exactly what she's doing. Tell her how you feel and be honest with her that if she's looking for a friend, you can't do that. Honesty is key and communication is the foundation of every successful relationship. So just be open and ask her what she's trying to get at. If it's not what you're looking for, then back to NC.. For good. I'm working up to that. You're correct. Communication is key! I will not play these games for much longer because it stress me out too. I just want her to bring it up first but if she doesn't ....I will! Go big or go home, right? Thanks!
h0000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I dont understand why you don't just ask her straight out what do you want. why are you anticipating mind games? waste of time 3
cavalier99 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Welcome to the friend zone!!!! Woo Hoooo!!! Soon shell start asking you dating adivse!! (not kidding) Cav 2
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I know it seems like there is a lot of uncertainty here, but there isn't. The fact that she let you go is enough for you to know. It's all you need to know. Sorry, but people who really, truly love you, wouldn't dream of letting you go. No way!! You're right mntbiker. I agree with you but this situation is a little more complicated. She was dealing with some major family issues and under huge pressure and we broke up during a fight after our last date. Actually I was the one who initiated the BU and she said OK which shocked me. She said she loved but couldn't focus on us at the moment and I was pissed but deep down I understood but I was still very hurt. She has never lied to me, NEVER! She's one of the most honest people I know. So when she tells me something I know it's probably true. I know she loves me but love is not everything.
reddragon588 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I'm working up to that. You're correct. Communication is key! I will not play these games for much longer because it stress me out too. I just want her to bring it up first but if she doesn't ....I will! Go big or go home, right? Thanks! Don't work up to it, just do it. You need to know where you stand now. The longer you play this game the more you will struggle. If you need to go back to NC you need to do it now. She already knows what she's doing and what she wants, "working up" to asking her won't change what she wants. You need to find out. 2
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Welcome to the friend zone!!!! Woo Hoooo!!! Soon shell start asking you dating adivse!! (not kidding) Cav I don't think so Cav. She talks and treats me like a BF and not a friend. She will straighten my hair or fix my collar, etc.. she's always trying to touch me. I know we all tend to generalize here but I'm also old enough to know the difference. I'm not the friend zone type of guy either, she knows that. What she really wants is for me ask her first which I'm not doing. I know her and I also know how she thinks. I'm the first guy she has ever truly loved.
cavalier99 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I don't think so Cav. She talks and treats me like a BF and not a friend. She will straighten my hair or fix my collar, etc.. she's always trying to touch me. I know we all tend to generalize here but I'm also old enough to know the difference. I'm not the friend zone type of guy either, she knows that. What she really wants is for me ask her first which I'm not doing. I know her and I also know how she thinks. I'm the first guy she has ever truly loved. Haha ok ill defer to your judgement. Just call her up now to get together and say you still care for her and want to work it out. If she is game great if not tell her your sorry but you cant be friends. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You're right mntbiker. I agree with you but this situation is a little more complicated. She was dealing with some major family issues and under huge pressure and we broke up during a fight after our last date. Actually I was the one who initiated the BU and she said OK which shocked me. She said she loved but couldn't focus on us at the moment and I was pissed but deep down I understood but I was still very hurt. She has never lied to me, NEVER! She's one of the most honest people I know. So when she tells me something I know it's probably true. I know she loves me but love is not everything. Firstly, understand that I totally respect you on this forum BUT. It seems like you are making excuses for her. Life happens. Happens to all of us. Good, bad, awesome, terrible. It is not a reason to end a RS. Even if you initiated it. Again, someone who loves you, simply would not let you go. Would not risk you finding someone else. Would not risk going through the rest of their life without you. However, she did risk it. She risked all of it, and now she is regretting it. But is that enough for you to risk your heart again with her? Your call... 4
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Don't work up to it, just do it. You need to know where you stand now. The longer you play this game the more you will struggle. If you need to go back to NC you need to do it now. She already knows what she's doing and what she wants, "working up" to asking her won't change what she wants. You need to find out. Yeah, maybe you're right. I think deep down I still have a fear of rejection but at least I will know once and for all. Maybe I will ask her when I see on Saturday. She invited me to come over and help her with the guitar.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Yeah, maybe you're right. I think deep down I still have a fear of rejection but at least I will know once and for all. Maybe I will ask her when I see on Saturday. She invited me to come over and help her with the guitar. ^^^ This!!! The longer you wait... well, you know... 3
Mcnulty Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I would ask her mate. I've just did it to my ex..she contacted me 6 weeks ago, met up regularly, touchy feely, lots of sexting...she bumped me...totally ignored what i said. Rejection is the pits and i feel a complete fool. But, now i know where i stand in her life. It's the cruellest thing i wont lie, but hey, she might want you back. I wish you luck and strength. 2
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Firstly, understand that I totally respect you on this forum BUT. It seems like you are making excuses for her. Life happens. Happens to all of us. Good, bad, awesome, terrible. It is not a reason to end a RS. Even if you initiated it. Again, someone who loves you, simply would not let you go. Would not risk you finding someone else. Would not risk going through the rest of their life without you. However, she did risk it. She risked all of it, and now she is regretting it. But is that enough for you to risk your heart again with her? Your call... Thanks man, I really respect your opinion as well and I think you're correct in regards to me making excuses for her. I would never break up with someone I loved BUT I did risk it and try to break up with her 2 weeks prior. I felt she was always so busy with her family and work stuff. I felt neglected. I didn't know at the time she was helping her family with financial and health issues. She said she was embaressed to share that with me since my family has always been so normal and supportive of me. She's had some major issues with her family which I already knew but didn't know she was supporting them while we were seeing eachother. This is not rocket science, right? I will bring it up on Saturday and ask her straight up. If it works fine, if it doesn't...I'm fine too! I care for her deeply but the last 2 months have taugh me that I can survive just about anything now. I'm prepared for whatever happens, bring it on! 2
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I would ask her mate. I've just did it to my ex..she contacted me 6 weeks ago, met up regularly, touchy feely, lots of sexting...she bumped me...totally ignored what i said. Rejection is the pits and i feel a complete fool. But, now i know where i stand in her life. It's the cruellest thing i wont lie, but hey, she might want you back. I wish you luck and strength. Sorry man, rejection sucks! Not sure I understand....Did she dump you a second time after all the sexting and touch feely stuff?
reddragon588 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Yeah, maybe you're right. I think deep down I still have a fear of rejection but at least I will know once and for all. Maybe I will ask her when I see on Saturday. She invited me to come over and help her with the guitar. That's a good idea. You need to be honest with her. And if you're going to be rejected, that rejection can either happen now or later. You do it now, you get started on getting over it sooner. Just be 100% honest with her. If you are completely honest, there will be nothing for you to regret. And she will know exactly how you feel. And how she reacts will let you know exactly how she feels. And if she wants anything other than getting back together, go NC for good. And be honest with her that that's what you're doing, because you can't be friends with her. Let her know it's for your own protection so you can move on. 3
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 That's a good idea. You need to be honest with her. And if you're going to be rejected, that rejection can either happen now or later. You do it now, you get started on getting over it sooner. Just be 100% honest with her. If you are completely honest, there will be nothing for you to regret. And she will know exactly how you feel. And how she reacts will let you know exactly how she feels. And if she wants anything other than getting back together, go NC for good. And be honest with her that that's what you're doing, because you can't be friends with her. Let her know it's for your own protection so you can move on. Thank you! That's very fair and great advice! I agree 100%. I think I already knew what I needed to do but needed to hear from someone else. Very tough situation! I was going to bring it up eventually because I know it would drive me crazy if I didn't. Just wasn't ready to do it on Saturday. Maybe I wanted to delay it because I was probably afraid to know the real answer. The truth sometimes really sucks but it also sets you free, right? I will be honest with her and I have a feeling she will too. I will let you know what happens. Thanks again! 1
reddragon588 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Thank you! That's very fair and great advice! I agree 100%. I think I already knew what I needed to do but needed to hear from someone else. Very tough situation! I was going to bring it up eventually because I know it would drive me crazy if I didn't. Just wasn't ready to do it on Saturday. Maybe I wanted to delay it because I was probably afraid to know the real answer. The truth sometimes really sucks but it also sets you free, right? I will be honest with her and I have a feeling she will too. I will let you know what happens. Thanks again! Totally. I received this same advice from my therapist and did the same in July. It's going to be hard no matter what she says. But at least you'll know instead of carrying on with this game.
Author lovesucks76 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Totally. I received this same advice from my therapist and did the same in July. It's going to be hard no matter what she says. But at least you'll know instead of carrying on with this game. You're so right! 1
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