Breaks up with me because she's 'too busy'- dating another guy a month later.

[sigurpol]

I've complained about this particular person through these threads a few times. I won't into details too much. I'm pretty bad at getting over relationships, I have this push/pull dynamic where I'm so mad at the person, but I still miss them and seeing them happy really hurts. I guess this is normal?

 

At any rate, her and I had some different personalities as time went on. We dated almost a year. There would be times where she would ridicule me for not being 'ambitious enough' or telling me I was 'too content with my life'- I worked in sales and that was my main source of income. On the side, I was working on a publication for a university, was a featured editor in two websites, ran a scholarship for a friend of mine that passed and designed fundraisers, and volunteered my time at a crisis/suicide line. Her complaint was "I never hear you talk about what you want to do with your degree"- I always reminded her I have lots of interests and I would like to chose carefully. I'm a patient, reserved, 'thinking', sort of personality. She's a tough, military background, intense personality. Her father is especially judgmental and I learned through my g/f at the time that she was slightly self-conscious for dating a guy who wasn't like her past boyfriends (military reservists, football players, sort of high-profile personalities)

 

Near the end of our relationship, things got rocky. Everyone suggested how much of a nasty person she is to me, but I was blind and said it would work out. She would constantly pick fights with me about the most minute things ever. One we were on vacation and I stopped at a drug store to pick up condoms, because I forgot them with me, and she totally flipped back at the hotel room. Lashing out about how "could you forget to bring them at all?! We haven't had sex in a while! Doesn't matter, you're not even good at it anyway"- left me pretty devastated. Weeks later she accused me of being gay and told all of her friends about our sex life.

 

At the end of the run, she called me one afternoon to bail on dinner plans and proceeded to tell me how this won't work anymore with us. She's "so busy" with life, work, and school that she can't make time for anyone. She's sorry, she cares about me, wants the best for me (oddly, around this time I was FINALLY in a job using my degree and had my own place) and claims to have been a bitch to me a lot. She almost wanted me to remark about her being a bitch but I simply said, "We both know how you've acted in the past, I'm not going to put on the gloves again and discuss what you've done"- She said I could talk to her later if I needed to.

 

Following day, I was supposed to be out of town for a friends wedding but I was simply too hurt from everything, even though I should have been happy to get away. I was bummed. She called me to ask how my flight was (I should have not even answered) and I admitted I didn't go. More lashing out, calling me a copout, and "this better not be because I dumped it. But I bet it is"- I told her to leave me alone, what I do doesn't concern her. Plus I thought you were busy?- She called me for the next few days, making sure I wasn't "sulking in my room alone"- and I wasn't. I told her I was with my friends, enjoying a night out.

 

From that point on, I got rid of everything that we had. Thrown away, got off the social networking nonsense, etc. I would have urges to check her profile, but I always reminded myself to never do that, I wouldn't like what I would see. And last night, I checked.

 

Dating someone. Have been for a couple months now (we broke up at the end of April). That stung but the rest of it was the worst for me.

 

When we were together, I felt as if I was hidden from all of her friends. Never was I mentioned in the online world, WHICH IS FINE. That isn't a dealbreaker for me, but it can be nice to be reminded that this person is happy to show somoene off. However when I see her profile now?

 

Photos of them everywhere, going out, checking into places, statuses, all that stuff. Where the hell was I in all of this when I always took stupid lashing from her and was stupid enough to try to make ends meet? Was this going on the whole time when we were together? This guy lives states away and is also in the military.

 

I took a walk and went over things in my head because that's what I do. I begin to question myself: Is there something wrong with me that's makes me undesirable? What did I do wrong this whole time? Then the other side of me speaks up: She's crazy and overall, a nasty person who needs to get herself together. She called you gay, made fun of you publicly, all that stuff. Why even think about this?

 

I know over time, I'll get over it. The initial sting is still here, I try to keep busy, but.. what the hell. How do you speed this up? What could I do?

[Copelandsanity]

I would have broken up with her a long time ago. You're both incompatible and she has several red flags that indicate that she is not good relationship material for you. That's what you should know and believe in your head and heart; you two just weren't meant to be together.

[aybc123]

bro, i can 100000% guarantee you that this was an awful relationship and that you're lucky to be out of it. even if you were not her type she basically emotionally abused you and the worst thing is that you put up with it, i know feelings cloud judgements but i hope you learned yourself to always stand up for yourself.

 

i doubt she ever loved you, i would imagine you were a placeholder until she found someone else or a trial run to date a different kind of guy to usual.

 

This all stings im sure but in some ways its positive:

 

1) you didnt screw up, you can improve yourself, and it sounds like you need to work on your self worth, but fundamentally you cant change who you are

2) this was not a good relationship, there was nothing to lose or throw away here, frankly the worst outcome would've been having to stay with this person for life, everyone deserves much better than how you were treated.

 

And about the im too busy thing, it's bull****, all breakup excuses are bull****, ive used the too busy one myself to let someone down easily, what she meant was she was too busy to be in a relationship with YOU. the last one i got was 'im just not mentally well enough yet to be in a relationship but if i was it'd be with you', 3 months later, dating someone new, it happens to us all and we all do it, dont sweat it.

 

If you want to feel better faster then improve yourself, turning things around is stopping the negative slope of comfortable self pity and actually willing yourself to be a better person for the next girl you meet - who hopefully wont be such a ****ing bitch.

 

Peace.

[Romaks]

^ What he said.

[sigurpol]

bro, i can 100000% guarantee you that this was an awful relationship and that you're lucky to be out of it. even if you were not her type she basically emotionally abused you and the worst thing is that you put up with it, i know feelings cloud judgements but i hope you learned yourself to always stand up for yourself.

 

i doubt she ever loved you, i would imagine you were a placeholder until she found someone else or a trial run to date a different kind of guy to usual.

 

This all stings im sure but in some ways its positive:

 

1) you didnt screw up, you can improve yourself, and it sounds like you need to work on your self worth, but fundamentally you cant change who you are

2) this was not a good relationship, there was nothing to lose or throw away here, frankly the worst outcome would've been having to stay with this person for life, everyone deserves much better than how you were treated.

 

And about the im too busy thing, it's bull****, all breakup excuses are bull****, ive used the too busy one myself to let someone down easily, what she meant was she was too busy to be in a relationship with YOU. the last one i got was 'im just not mentally well enough yet to be in a relationship but if i was it'd be with you', 3 months later, dating someone new, it happens to us all and we all do it, dont sweat it.

 

If you want to feel better faster then improve yourself, turning things around is stopping the negative slope of comfortable self pity and actually willing yourself to be a better person for the next girl you meet - who hopefully wont be such a ****ing bitch.

 

Peace.

 

Thanks man, something I really needed to hear. I'm normally very confident with myself and all that jazz, but when these things happen, I fall apart for some reason. Just something I need to work on and roll with the punches.

 

You too, Romaks. :-D

[todreaminblue]

the way she treated you was wrong and anyone who hides a person from their friends is suspect......if your with someone you want all the people closest to you to know how happy you are and get to know the person who means a lot to you...

 

 

 

the horrible comment she made to you because you forgot condoms...... a bit narky and totally unnecessary vicious actually......you will find someone better who loves you for you and is happy to introduce you to friends and family......being from a military background as a female.......doesnt turn you into a butch bitch you can still be caring kind compassionate and believe it or not feminine holding that rifle...intense....yes cant deny that...... even more common traits with military personel ...is they have discipline and treat people with respect and courtesy that is military 101........a true soldier will always try to never disrespect someone.......soldiers are loyal and stand by who they care about......honesty is also big.......so she had issues.......you were lucky to see sooner rather than later.......i wish you well.....you do deserve better than what she has to give....find that person...and now she is gone you can..............deb

[supaflyz]

This girl seem materialistic. I mean I understand the need for her to get to you if you wasn't doing anything with your life. My brother was like that for a long time until my sister in law finally told him he had to get a better job. I understand why she did that though because he wasn't doing anything for a very long time. However, you volunteer and help people that are suicidal risk which is a very touching thing to do. I'm a nurse and I cherish the life of everyone because I believe everyone life meant something.

 

Who the heck is she to tell you to tell you that you are too content with your life. I would of dump this girl a long time ago if I were you.

[sigurpol]

This girl seem materialistic. I mean I understand the need for her to get to you if you wasn't doing anything with your life. My brother was like that for a long time until my sister in law finally told him he had to get a better job. I understand why she did that though because he wasn't doing anything for a very long time. However, you volunteer and help people that are suicidal risk which is a very touching thing to do. I'm a nurse and I cherish the life of everyone because I believe everyone life meant something.

 

Who the heck is she to tell you to tell you that you are too content with your life. I would of dump this girl a long time ago if I were you.

 

You're exactly right. I would understand the push to someone if they weren't doing anything. Which reminds me of the time she said, "I can't be with someone if they don't know what to do with themselves"- That line reflected so much of what I thought her father represented. TAKE A ROLE and FOLLOW ORDERS.

 

I'm glad I'm out, she's trash. I remember one of the one times I finally spoke up to her when she would bitch about never seeing me, so I would visit her at work and once a week, cook lunch/dinner and bring it in to her. One day she snapped at me and said "I have **** to do, so can you stop coming in?" to which I replied "You know, ____, most guys wouldn't cook you lunch and bring it to you while at work. Most would cheat on you"