Vaz Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 I noticed there were a few guys on this forum so I thought I would look for your viewpoint on this one. I have been seeing this guy on and off for about 18 months, but we have been just friends for the last 3 months since we had a fight but it was just revving up to start again (texts, flirting etc, etc) It was my birthday on Sunday and I went to see a singer with my family and a couple of friends. We both knew we would see each other there and there would be no surprise. He text me asking me if I was drunk and I was unaware he was already there. A few minutes later I saw him but he didn't come over. A little while later he starts messing with a group of girls he knows, dancing and stuff but then he started flirting and touching them in a way I recognise as how he flirts with me. And he did this all in front of my table. At no point did he come across and wish me a happy birthday or say hi and I was really disgusted at him so I didn't go over either. My party all mentioned that while he was doing this he was constantly checking my reaction and that he seemed to be making a point. Now here is the query. My workmates think that I might have over-reacted to him and he was completely unaware that he was making me feel bad by acting like this, because although I personally wouldn't behave like that in front of anyone I knew liked me, it might not be the same for a guy (and he had been drinking) So am I seeing this from the wrong point of view? Does it seem that guys don't have the same etiquette around exes/on-off partners that women do?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 If a guy really likes you, then its you he'll be all over - not a bunch of other girls, no matter how drunk he is. He didn't even bother to talk to you, and made sure you saw him treating other girls the same way he treats you. This is after he's kept you trailing along with the "lets just be friends" racket for the past three months after 18 months of 'on again', 'off again'. Were all those all 'off again' and 'lets be friends' his idea? Revving up is not texting or flirting - I have no doubt in my mind that you are not the only one on the receiving end of those texts and flirts. What is he trying to tell you with his behavior? That he is so tortured inside with his love for you, that he will give you the cold shoulder on your birthday and flirt with other girls in front of you in the same way he flirts with you? Nah, there's no more to it than meets the eye. You are no more special to him than any other girl he is messing with. That's the message he is sending you. Your best bet would be to cut him off completely. Don't contact him, and don't go see him. If on the off chance he is genuinely interested in you, he'll find a way to get in touch with you. Let him do the work, if he's so inclined.
bluechocolate Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 His behaviour sounds to me like he was trying his best to get you jealous & prove how he is coping just fine with the "let's be friends" thing. Which is what you are, isn't it? He text me asking me if I was drunk and I was unaware he was already there What does that mean? My workmates think that I might have over-reacted to him and he was completely unaware that he was making me feel bad by acting like this, because although I personally wouldn't behave like that in front of anyone I knew liked me, it might not be the same for a guy (and he had been drinking) It might not be the same for a lot of people, guys and gals. If you're just friends then I guess that is what you are. You can't expect him to change or curb his behaviour in your presence - yes, it would be a nice thing for him to do, but he is under no obligation to do so. I would think that if what he really wanted was to get back with you it is most likely he would have behaved differently, but really a lot depends on the history of your relationship with this guy.
darkspark Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 point blank ask whats up with sunday? if there is not a straight answer then hes being an ass playing games. I did that never on a birthday tho. So see whats up with him and go on. It seems like he needs to get his **** straight.
Vaz Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 Thanks for those. Just to clear that one up, he text me to ask how drunk I was obviously knowing I was there. I hadn't seen him come in and so I thought he was somewhere else. Not that it makes much difference. And just to explain the dynamic of the relationship, we met, as friends, when he was in the process of splitting from a serious relationship. We started seeing each other a few months later and because he didn't want a relationship we kept drifting apart and then back again. My own fault I know.... He's now been single a year and we see each other, quite innocently at the gym four to five times a week and we have been just friends for 3 months now, but it was getting closer and closer to getting back together again.
SoleMate Posted November 30, 2004 Posted November 30, 2004 There are lots of men on LoveShack. It's probably about 50/50, or maybe 60/40 women/men, just as my rough observation. And one of the men got it just right when he said: You are no more special to him than any other girl he is messing with. That's the message he is sending you. Yup. Don't settle for this kind of halfbaked "relationship". If he has ANY interest in you at all, then he should be giving you 100% of his attention (that he gives to women). I would hold out for a man who only has eyes for you. There are LOADS of them out there - you just have to look in the right places.
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