at a point of giving up, is there still a chance?

[verysad3]

I posted my story awhile back after my breakup was still fresh. I have reposted my story with updates. Please if anyone has the time, I would appreciate any advice or thoughts you might have of my situation. Please see my story below..it is long but full of detail to help give an understanding of where I am at. Thank you in advance.

 

Well my ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. Of course everything was going extremely well and we were on our way to a happy future. The thing is, my ex can be very stubborn, and gets really upset very easily, I on the other hand tend to have a hard time letting things go and our arguments and disagreements become more heated than they need to be. Well this had happened from time to time and usually we would cool off and get over it. Towards the end of the relationship, these arguments became more frequent and it did not help that I was trying to quit smoking at the time which made me a little more on edge than I would normally be.

 

One morning while I was driving to work, we were talking on the phone (as we would do this every morning on my way to work) but we ended up getting into it. I told her I would just talk to her later and got off the phone. We talked later on my lunch and things seemed to be ok, we even arranged that I would come over that night, but plans had changed as my ex's sister called and was going to be coming over with her kids so my ex called me and told me she was sorry but we would have to see each other the next night. I had no problem with this and told her I would just talk to her later. The next morning, we talked as usual, but once I got to work I noticed that my ex hadn't been texting me throughout the day like she normally would. So once I took my lunch, I called her and we began talking like usual. I then decided to ask her why she hadn't been texting me.

 

She took a breath and proceeded to tell me that she felt she wasn't getting over our last fight, which was about nothing significant, but more heated than it should have been (mind you I was still trying to quit smoking when the argument happened). I then asked her whether or not she wanted to call it quits. She took another breath and said she thinks we should. We talked for a little while more and then I had to get back to work. I called her again later and asked her to take some time to decide if this was what she really wanted. She did this and got back to me over the weekend basically saying it was best that she be alone. After numerous attempts to convince her that we could work things out, she would not budge on her decision. This drove me insane as I felt there were no signs of her feeling like she wanted out until basically the day of her saying she wanted to throw in the towel.

 

I am a musician and a song writer, so I had written her a song while we were dating and she loved it, but she always said that she wished she had an mp3 of it so that she could listen to it whenever she wanted. I took it apon myself to go ahead and get the song recorded and I emailed it to her. She was extremely taken by surprise and called me to say thank you and how it was so unexpected. I told her that I just wanted to do it for her since it was her song and I wanted her to have it. She said thank you and we got off the phone. I texted her a little bit later saying that the song was a little more sped up because I was nervous while recording it, she replied that the song was fine and that she missed me.

 

Eventually we ended up back on the phone and it seemed as if we were about to get back together..conversation was pleasant and I asked if I could take her out..she said hmm..well how are you doing with your smoking. This is where I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her the truth, and I did by telling her that I did have one cigarette the night we broke up, she then said to me that I could forget about taking her out or meeting up with her and we got into a huge argument. Long story short, we remained speaking for a while and it almost felt as if things were getting better, but I couldn't control my emotions and would end up talking about getting back together which I know was a bad idea because, she wasn't ready for that. I pushed until she said we needed some time to ourselves. She was getting ready to go on vacation to Hawaii to visit her brother who was stationed out there. I knew, that most likely she wanted to just be able to enjoy her trip without having to worry about "us". I told her that I agree time to ourselves was best for now.

 

She went on vacation and I did not contact her until her birthday which was the following weekend. I text her a simple happy birthday and she responded thank you. Didn't contact her at all after that. She was going to be in Hawaii for another week. I had the intention of contacting her maybe a week after she returned, but before I knew it, she called me the night she got back into town. We did not speak about us, I kept the focus on asking her about her trip and that was pretty much it. I know in these situations, it would have been best that I ended the conversation, but before I knew it she said..well..alright then, Ill let you get back to what it is you are doing. I told her ok, and it was good talking to her. A couple days go by and we exchange a few texts but do not speak on the phone. She had called me on Thursday when she returned, and on Sunday..

 

I of course had been doing all sorts of searching through the web to try and get an idea if I had a chance to get her back, so I foolishly asked her some questions on the lines of where she thought our break up fit. I explained to her that it was actually something I had been discussing with a friend of mine and I was curious of her thoughts. This was all through text messaging, and she immediately started to get upset, which this sent us into a long crazy fight between text messages. Ultimately, this led to her deleting me from facebook and she began ignoring my texts and phone calls. I left it alone that night, and the next day I sent her a text asking her whether or not she would speak to me and hear me out and that if she chose to still not speak to me after, she was more than welcome. She didn't reply all day while I was at work until about an hour before I got off and said "I should be available by the time you get off, you can call me then" I replied and said ok.

 

We spoke, and I magically somehow got her to calm down and understand that I was just trying to see whether or not there was a chance for us. After speaking we got off the phone on good terms. We did not speak the next day, but the day after she text me in the morning stating that " some guy must've been wearing the same cologne as me because he smelled just like me, and that it was nice and made her think of me. At this point, I played it cool by responding with a joke, but ended the message exchange with a thank you and that it put a smile on my face. She replied with you're welcome. I did not text her for the rest of the day, until the following morning which seemed to spiral things down for good..at least it seems that way. I text her asking if I could take her out some time just to catch up, she replied that she didn't think it was a good idea.

 

This opened up another long exchange of text messages, with me confessing how much I loved her and that I really wish that we could work things out. The discussion led into me calling her after I left work, things went from bad to worse. I thought for some strange reason that it would be a good idea that I let her know about the first time I experienced heartache(young puppy love 18yrs old), and she took this as me still having feelings for the girl that did that to me. My reasoning at the time was to express to her that it took me along time to give my heart away again, and that she was the one who I truly fell for. Anyways this led to her just becoming more frustrated with me and we got off the phone on bad terms. the next day I text her to apologize and ask if I can call her when I got off work. This time I did not receive a response, but I did not pressure or text again, nor did I call.

 

I waited and did not try again until 2 days later, in which I texted to her, does this mean you would prefer not to speak to me? She responded asking me to do her a favor and delete all the "Provocative" photos that I had of her and she would do the same for me. I of course panicked, and called her in which she did not answer at first, I left a voicemail for her to call me back and asked her what had happened for her to ask that. She called me back and said that everything was fine she just didn't feel comfortable with someone who she was not with having those types of pictures of her. We talked for awhile and she said that's its best we don't speak. I of course told her that it didn't have to be this way, but apon the conversation ending, we agreed it was best. I waited a couple days and I text her asking if I could have a few minutes of her time that day, and she responded " to talk?" I stated yes and we exchanged a few text from me trying to say that it seemed as if we continued to argue because of me bringing up the relationship and stated that I thought things could be better if I just let it go.

 

I asked if she could forgive me for the pressure I put on her throughout this relationship and if we could possibly start from scratch and take things slow, not to get back together but at least to find that comfort that we shared not only in the relationship, but early after the relationship as well. She said she could forgive me but that didn't mean she would change her mind. I ended up telling her that it was fine and I appreciated her time and respected her decision. She did not respond to that, and I did not hear from her for the rest of the day. My thought was that this was final and I would never hear from her again. The next day I receive a text from her saying that she just wanted me to see some pictures of her dog when he was a puppy, I was very confused by this. I replied positively and didn't hear anything back from her, nor did I try and reach out to her that day.

 

The next day, after work, I send her a text asking her a few questions about the pictures, and she responded, but they were one worded answers. I decided to try my luck and give her a call. She did not answer, but returned my call a couple hours later, she said " you called" and I responded yeah, I just wanted to talk. She then began to explain that she knows that she started this by sending the picture and text, but before she could finish her sentence, I said its ok, I apologize and that it was a mistake to call. I told her that I know she meant what she said. She then said that she was getting ready for bed and I responded saying in that case, I hope you sleep well and have a good night. She just responded saying good night. I then sent her a few picture messages of stuff I thought shed like to see over the span of one week but I never received any kind of response, although the messages didn't really say anything asking for a response.

 

*I decided to try and call her and she did not answer. *I then sent a text stating I know she thought it was best we didn't speak, but would appreciate if she allowed me a few minutes of her time..I again didn't get a response. *I basically wanted to tell her that I had finally accepted the situation as it was, so I sent her a facebook message with everything I wanted to say and left it at that. *She read the message..but once again no response.

 

*At this time, I feel there's nothing I can do but give it time, but I am curious as to whether this is pretty much over for good. I apologize for this being so long, and I am extremely appreciative if you have taken the time to read my story and could shed some thoughts or advice.

Edited October 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[eric85]

Its over. If you notice everytime you tried to get back it was an arguement or she just plain shut you down. You kept trying so she eventually just ignored you. It sucks man I'm going through it also. Do like I'm doing, leave her alone completely and if she really loves you she will come back....

[Fashiongal]

Honestly the girl kind of sounds like a bitch. She gets mad over the littlest things. You were both committed for awhile so I don't see why she would get so mad even if you were pressuring her over staying together. In a way, it does seem like she doesn't want to entirely end things with you. She did seem to call and text you a lot still after ending things and I think asking for the pictures of her dog was her way of starting a conversation with you. I think she knows she has you by the balls because of how needy you are being and is playing hard to get. I think if you show her the same nonchalant behavior she will be calling you.

[verysad3]

Thank you both for reading and replying to my post.

 

Eric85 - I agree that most likely it is over, but the thing was, its not as if I continued to ask her about the relationship after we decided not to speak. Although, I did see some hope in the communication staying open once she sent me the pictures of her dog. And when I began asking her about them she was replying..although they were short replies she was replyin. Even after I called her she did call me back. It was after that conversation that she began ignoring me. So that's what confused me..part of me thinks maybe she was upset that I I told her it was a mistake that I called, she seemed pleasant when she called back..but I dunno. I feel as if I have let her fo multiple times but she continued to slowly come back...

 

Fashiongal - yes, she is a very difficult girl, and she does get easily upset over the smallest things. It was a big reason we argued a lot in the first place as well as after we brokeup...but I love her...she did contact me quite often after the breakup and I thought the same thing about how it felt like she wasn't completely ready to let me go, which is a big reason why I felt there was something still to fight for and an even bigger reason why its so confusing that all of a sudden she stopped responding to me and ignoring me. So I'm at a complete loss here..and I know I have no choice to just back off and let her go. I still have not contacted her since sending the facebook message, nor has she me. So I'm just confused and will just see what happens in time. She has only ignored me when I upset her..so I don't know if our last conversation has anything to do with it..but I guess ill just see if she pops back up.

 

Thank you both again for your time and thoughts. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them.

[eric85]

It makes it difficult because she is telling you its over but then texting and making small talk as if you didnt just get dumped. The person above me put it correct, it sounds like she knows she has you upset and is toying with you playing hard to get. Or maybe she is just confused on what she really wants. If I was you I wouldnt respond to the small talk texts and only break the NC if she really expresses her love and wants another chance.

[OklahomaJones]

You're only making it worse by repeatedly contacting her instead of giving her space. You keep saying "I know I shouldn't contact you", etc.. but you keep doing it. It's just going to annoy her more and make her hate you and wish she never met you. You have to relax and actually go NC to even have a snowball's chance in hell here.

[melell]

There is a process we all have to go through, the outcome is moving on, regardless if they come back or not.

 

What you have described above is not moving on and letting go.

 

The quicker you drop all of this, and stop analyzing things, and most importantly STOP contacting her, the quicker you will get the answers you want.

 

Giving up is the only option here. Trust me, she will either come back, or she wont. You hanging on will only prevent you from finding out.

 

Ultimately you need to get to a point where you are ok with either outcome.

[verysad3]

You all make a lot of sense, I have not contacted her since the last message. I also have not been constantly contacting her. Is been a few attempts to see if I would get some kind of communication going with her. I know no matter what though it is still considered contacting her no matter how much or how little. I figured it was me putting the ball in her court but she has clearly made her mind up as she has not responded to my last message that I sent her on Facebook. I know that the only option I have is to accept that as her answer to what she wants me to do which is move on and let her get on with her life. Its hard and it makes me sad...but as you all have stated..the only option is to move on and let go. I thank all of you for replying to my post..it has helped me see the reality of my situation. I will.continue to try and stay strong ans focus on me..I know there will be a day where I may think about her and it will no longer make me sad..I look forward to that day..but thank you all again you have really been very helpful with your responses.