JustAnotherz Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hi Everyone, Today is my 25th birthday yet I am feeling down and wish to share my story here. I had an awesome childhood in the first 14 years of my life. Until one day I found out that I am adopted when I overheard the conversation between my Dad and his doctor. I double confirmed with my blood type as I am B while none of my parent is B. Life isn't the same anymore after that day. I had to act that I know nothing about it in front of my parent because I am afraid that I might hurt them if i say it out. I had to wear this mask of "happiness" so to cover the fact that I am hurting inside so that my friends and classmate won't question why I am feeling sad. Somehow as years goes by I don't really feel sad about it anymore hence, i started to step into relationship. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 16. It only lasted a year where she cheated on me with her church friends. What I could say to this relationship is only "oh well, we are young so its maybe puppy love". Till I had my second girlfriend which lasted 7 years. First 5 years were great, until she left for oversea study and cheated on me on the 6 and 1/2 years where I only found out only recently and broke up with her. I told her about my past one year into our relationship because I trusted her with my very own secret. I asked her if she wanted second chance but she pushes blame to me with I got unknown family root, doesn't have great future because I am in engineering course in university and I am not as sweet as other guy who is her classmate that see her everyday (her timing and mine are 8hr apart). Been abandoned three times in my life makes me wonder if its my fault to get abandoned. I always tell myself not to hate or angry with other people because it only harm me in the end and also make another person guilty. I forgive my birth parent who abandoned me, I forgive two of my ex who cheated on me. But what I can't let go is myself.
Axee Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! You are a special person and complete in yourself.. Fear of abandonment.. Let me tell you.. even people who have come from normal backgrounds have been abandoned multiple times .. over and over.. Its not becuase of your background, its just circumstances and lack of right choice or a right choice gone wrong.. So.. bottom line.. You are young, you are single , you need to enjoy.. Happy Birthday once again.. Have a wonderful year ahead.. !!
newmoon Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Happy belated birthday. Don't let negative thoughts rule you. Focus on the fact that you were chosen by your adoptive parents - they loved enough to want you and care for you. That is what you should think about, the fact you were chosen :-) I bet if you just open up and talk with them your life would be very different; they would bring to light many issues, perhaps, that you are struggling with.
madjac74 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 25 years old and your 2nd relationship was 7 years long?!!! My birthday wish to you is that you give yourself some time to enjoy yourself. Do not rely on anyone else to give you happiness.
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Happy Birthday!!! :bunny: 25! What an awesome age to be. I'm sorry you feel so abandoned and you feel like it must be you. Honestly it isn't, people get cheated on and people get lied to and that goes for almost everyone. The one thing I will advise you on is to tell your parents that you know. I have a friend who was molested as a child, she never said anything, but the secret eats her up and she wont get help (I know it isn't the same), but in her family I get the impression that everyone has their secrets, so much goes unspoken and all that crap gets swept under the rug with the notion that 'if we don't talk about it and don't acknowledge it - it's not real' Please don't do the same. This is obviously causing you a lot of pain, and there is nothing wrong with you telling them you know. I doubt they will be so hurt because you are still seeing them as your parents and nothing has changed with regards to your love for them. I just strongly feel that holding on to such secrets and not dealing with the pain and not being open and communicating will just cause you a lot more harm than good. Please see a therapist for your abandonment issues and consider talking to your parents about what you know. Good luck
Author JustAnotherz Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Thanks everyone, will consider telling them maybe few years down the road. Its hard to start the conversation with it. 1
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Thanks everyone, will consider telling them maybe few years down the road. Its hard to start the conversation with it. I hope you also will consider talking to a therapist. Other than giving you and objective perspective, a therapist might help you with how to start the conversation. I'm really sorry about how you had to find out, but please don't let it make you feel like you weren't worth love. All the best
Shepp Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 1) Happy birthday 2) and what about the parents who chose to have you and treated you as their own all your life? Who gave you that 'great 14 years of childhood'? Blood makes you a biological parent it doesn't make you a mum or dad. I agree with tigercub - i'd tell them that I know, thank them from the bottom of my heart and tell them it changes nothing between us, that there my one and only parents!! Theres a song by Brad Paisley called He Didn't Have To Be, you should check it out!
lollipopspot Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Another way to weigh it... you didn't get abandoned, you got chosen! The parents you have gave you a great childhood. I WISH my mother had abandoned me, so that I could have been raised by a parent who gave a ****, who actually wanted me. you were also chosen by a partner for a 7 year relationship. Some people never get that kind of time with someone they care for, who cares for them back.
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