cristy Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hi everyone This is my first post. I really don't know where else to turn, and I read some of the posts here and I thought this might be the place where I can share this with people who might understand Ok, so... here it goes. We'd been dating for a year and a half when we first broke up. No need to get into nasty details, let's just say I was in a very dark place for a long time and he tried his best to get me out of it, but he just couldn't help me, only a professional and myself could make that happen. When he decided he couldn't take it anymore I cried my eyes out but I understood because I was starting to realize I needed to work on this on my own. He said he'd wait for me to get better and he actually did. After three months of no contact, we met again. I was feeling so much better, working on my issues and all. I had missed him like hell. So we decided to get back together again, give it another shot. Like three weeks ago, while on vacation, after the stupidest fight you'd ever imagine, we get really angry and he says he's done, he wants to break up with me. It takes me by surprise really, 'cause like 20 minutes ago he'd said "When we fight I think I wanna break up but I truly don't". So it devastates me because I truly believed he'd meant that. After that, we spent six days sharing the same hotel room, already broken up. Neither of us wanted to do anything. Not even going down to the pool or visit the town. We talked, forever. At first, he was determined. It was over, he didn't love me anymore (I quote). Then the last days, we stoped talking about it and actually just tried to have some fun together. The last night, we went to the hotel restaurant and had dinner. We were talking about fate and he said "If I have to fall for you again, I will." It's been three weeks now. He called me for my birthday, asked how I was doing (yes, he dumped me on vacation AND a week before my 23 birthday). It was a pleasent conversation but nothing else. You might think I'm deranged but I love him with all my heart. And I am aching to fix this, but there's nothing to fix for now. I'm lost. I don't understand why he felt unhappy (because I was happy. Not 24/7 but you know, happy!) and I don't know if there's a point in me trying to fix this.... I'd appreciate you opinions and advice. Even some insight in what might have made him do this, if anything like it has ever happened to you.
Fashiongal Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I'm sorry you are going through this. That is strange that after all you have been through to get into one argument and he is done. At first I thought he sounded like a good guy waiting for you to get better but now it sounds like he isn't committed. What was the fight over and was everything going good this time around?
Author cristy Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Actually I had been concerned about him for a while, he's got a very demanding job, works 10 hour shifts and he was always tired so we used to stay home and watch tv or play videogames. I didn't mind but I felt like we were lacking some actual relationship stuff. Going out to dinner, a walk or the movies, you know? The thing is he'd always react quite defensive if I said anything about it so I blamed it on he being tired from work. Oh and he smokes pot, so he's always stunned and tired anyway. But when we got there and he landed on the couch refusing to do anything at all I just cracked. We were on vacation for christ's sake! He was well rested and we were miles away from home. We were supposed to be enjoying some quality time together. And so I asked if it had to do anything with his feelings for me because it really didnt make sense to me the 'i'm tired' excuse anymore. And he acussed me of being always negative and bringing up that sort of thoughts... That's why the fight started. Idk, we had our issues like any other couple but we'd talk and sort them out. I never thought he was holding any resentment, but looks like he was.
Fashiongal Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 How often does he smoke pot? Is this an every day thing? That might be one of the issues. He isn't clear headed. Also it does seem like he is taking you for granted and neglecting you by never wanting to do anything. I can understand being tired from work but he should be taking you out on his first night off. Instead of breaking up with you, he should have been trying to make an effort on vacation so you can have a good time for once. He seems a little selfish and stubborn.
Author cristy Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 How often does he smoke pot? Is this an every day thing? That might be one of the issues. He isn't clear headed. Also it does seem like he is taking you for granted and neglecting you by never wanting to do anything. I can understand being tired from work but he should be taking you out on his first night off. Instead of breaking up with you, he should have been trying to make an effort on vacation so you can have a good time for once. He seems a little selfish and stubborn. It is an everyday thing. It's at least one everyday and three or so on his free days, when he doesn't have to go to work. You think his decision might have something to do with that? Thank you for your words, really. You know, everyone I talk to often mention pot as a problem, but I had become so used to it I often leave that out of the picture. I don't smoke, so I wouldn't know if it affects him that much. But you all might have a point there. Oh he took me for granted alright. Still I think it was somehow mu fault too, because I was always there for him, trying to make sure he had a great time and stuff like that. If I had been a bit more of a bitch he might have valued me more? We are both very stubborn people. But I used to let it all slip because I didn't want to start a fight. Didn't make any difference at the end. I'm just trying to understant why this happened, it sort of helps me. So thank you really the oppinion of people who are imparcial and can be objective is very important to me
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