colombiana28 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I met a guy this summer on OKC and he's either the SHYEST guy I've EVER met, or he's friend-zoned me. I'm trying to figure out which. We've met up to run at parks around the city 12-15 times now. He never mentions possibly doing anything else. He's my age, attractive, successful, advanced degree, obviously health-conscious. He has never once hit on me or suggested we go for drinks or over to each others' place, just "when you up for the next run?" He texts me to run nearly every day. We run together for an hour and have a bit of awkward convo. We have a lot in common but his personality is much more reserved and serious than mine. He lacks the passion when talking about things he likes, it's just so...matter of fact. I've tried to flirt with him, or break that "friend" barrier so to say with a sly smile or flirty banter or touching him, but it is always met with a nervous laugh, awkward stare straight ahead while running, or recoiling (when I hugged him ONE time the 2nd or 3rd time we met up). 3 or 4 times I've gone out with friends for drinks and invited him along, he always seems enthusiastic and says he'll try to make it and I say "cool, shoot me a text if you're out and about that night, we'll probably be out at xx time." And I never hear from him. I've considered the thought he's seeing other women and/or just wants a running buddy, but he is just so awkward I truly can't imagine some secret gf. The things that make me think he's actually interested but maybe just really, really slow to get to know someone: 1. he texts me often about how he's downloaded some album or movie or is netflixing some show I recommend to him. He seems to enthusiastically get into anything I mention. 2. he tries to create inside jokes, and mostly they're super lame and kind of beaten-to-death (hard to explain) but I find them cute, of course, because he's trying to make banter. 3. He keeps mentioning that he's moving to an awesome new place in a few weeks and how he hates his current place. 4. He's much livelier via text than in real life. We get along great (in between the long awkward silences), make each other laugh and he seems to like hanging out with me. My coworkers tell me that since he's in a science field he's more socially awkward than most and maybe doesn't know how to flirt with women. Truly, I have never been so enamored with someone with whom there is not a single FLICKER of chemistry. I feel like it's deep in there somewhere, his eyes are so intense and when he smiles my heart flutters! But he seems unequivocally, 100% asexual. Are there guys like this? Straight guys, who desire sex with women but are too afraid to initiate something flirty/sexual and so therefore come across as not attracted to you? On the bright side I've gotten in insane shape since I met him.
venusishername Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 That's awesome that at least you have gotten into good shape running with this guy I think he likes you. I've had one or two experiences with men like this where you wonder- does he really only want a friendship with me, or is he gathering up the courage to make the move? Getting mixed signals for sure.. I understand. I personally think that a man generally doesn't spend time with a woman in any personal capacity unless he has a desire in some way to sleep with her. And no, I don't believe that people are asexual, no. Keep running, and I'd say be more bold about giving him the green light. Rather than skirting around it by telling him you're going out with friends and he should come, why not invite him back to your place after your run? WINK, WINK ?? 1
TB Rhine Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I agree. Unless he's gay, and shy about telling you that for some reason (what part of the country do you guys live in?), he wouldn't be spending all that time if he didn't at least want to sleep with you.
Author colombiana28 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 thanks guys! so you think he wouldn't be turned off if I flirted more aggressively to try and move things forward? I've ALWAYS been told that if a guy likes you enough he will let you know in some way. Maybe he's so afraid of rejection that he'd rather just keep spending time together as we have been rather than rock the boat? I've been hoping maybe that's the case, and maybe he's not like most guys and might actually APPRECIATE a woman making the first move? Certainly he knows I'm interested if I keep agreeing to meet up and trying to flirt with him, come on! Just never met a guy like this.
Author colombiana28 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I agree. Unless he's gay, and shy about telling you that for some reason (what part of the country do you guys live in?), he wouldn't be spending all that time if he didn't at least want to sleep with you. I considered it but don't think so - not sure why he would be messaging women on a dating site (on which he said he is looking for women ages 22-30 or whatever)
MalachiX Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hard to say. First of all, men certainly do spend time with women that they're not planning to sleep with. Especially as I get older, I value making new friends both male and female and I'm willing to spend more time nurturing those friendships. I have a female friend who I like to go hiking with and will constantly ask her about that. I think we do share some small attraction for each other but I don't think either of us wants to date and I'm certainly not trying to sleep with her. I just enjoy her company as I do a number of other females friends who I keep up with. THAT SAID, you did meet this guy on a dating site so it's certainly not crazy to think that he's looking for more. What's odd is that even shy guys usually take a hit after a while and actually ask someone out. I've been super shy but, if a girl has hung out with me on a number of occasions I eventually have to say to myself, "OK, she clearly wouldn't keep doing this if she wasn't interested. ASK HER OUT!!!" It's really odd that he hasn't taken you up on the opportunity to hang out outside of running. However, I've heard science people perhaps have greater trouble with this sort of thing than even the average shy guy. I actually recently filmed a video lecture on how science people can overcome social anxiety and engage in public speaking. It's a video version on a lecture a friend of mine gives to a lot of science people. He's told me that they tend to be WAY more shy than the average person which is why he's made a career out of teaching them how to overcome social anxiety. I'd say bite the bullet and be more direct with this guy. Ask him to lunch, for coffee, or to a movie. At least then you'll get your answer as to what he's looking for.
Recommended Posts