Author rae_lana Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 Scary that you believe the answer might be to put all your happiness eggs in the basket of a serial cheater who won't respect your desire to end this. I've now reached the conclusion you didn't want it to end. The thrill of him chasing you while you acted as if you were protesting turned you on. Hope he's into being a stepdad to your kids. I'm doubting it. Bad boys don't make good husbands... Or stepfathers. I already know what kind of dad and husband he is very well, remember I'm not basing things on what he's said I've known him and his family for several years up close and personal. I have not said I'm going to leave, confess or be with him at all.. I'm still trying to figure things out. He loves my kids, they love him, obviously nobody will love my kids like me and my husband do and yes that's my main priority so I'm not over looking that. If someone was to love them almost as much as us it would be him.. He has a relationship with them already. Which is actually one of the cons to this not a pro.. He loves them they love him .. I don't want to destroy their view of him.
harrybrown Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 If your husband cheated on you, and exposed you to stds, would you want to know? Would you like feeling that his heart was with someone else and your marriage was a lie? Your children will not love the OM, you are in the affair fog. You can write a detailed timeline and diary of your affair and give it to your husband. Set him free, so that he can be with someone that really loves him and he is not their backup plan. 1
underwater2010 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I already know what kind of dad and husband he is very well, remember I'm not basing things on what he's said I've known him and his family for several years up close and personal. I have not said I'm going to leave, confess or be with him at all.. I'm still trying to figure things out. He loves my kids, they love him, obviously nobody will love my kids like me and my husband do and yes that's my main priority so I'm not over looking that. If someone was to love them almost as much as us it would be him.. He has a relationship with them already. Which is actually one of the cons to this not a pro.. He loves them they love him .. I don't want to destroy their view of him. A little honesty here....if he truly loved your kids he would not be participating in breaking up there home. He doesn't live with them day in and day out. And when push comes to shove, his biological kids will come before yours. Don't chase after something that may be.....the grass is not greener on the other side. The yellow starts to show when you get up close.
Author rae_lana Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 A little honesty here....if he truly loved your kids he would not be participating in breaking up there home. He doesn't live with them day in and day out. And when push comes to shove, his biological kids will come before yours. Don't chase after something that may be.....the grass is not greener on the other side. The yellow starts to show when you get up close. It's very hard to explain but he has had my kids on his own before and mine his, although his aren't biological. But of course I understand exactly what your saying and my kids do love him.. They are young though, and as they got older if they learned what had happened they probably wouldn't feel the same. Not probably.. I know. He's known them since birth, he does love them, my kids and me come as a whole.
Author rae_lana Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 If your husband cheated on you, and exposed you to stds, would you want to know? Would you like feeling that his heart was with someone else and your marriage was a lie? Your children will not love the OM, you are in the affair fog. You can write a detailed timeline and diary of your affair and give it to your husband. Set him free, so that he can be with someone that really loves him and he is not their backup plan. This is how I feel. He does deserve someone better than me.
stillafool Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Me and OM yes.. But neither of us are free to discuss that with our current partners without a lot of resentment and judgment. In my eyes, and how OM sees it too, is a real open relationship would make room for the discussion but just because you said you were attracted to someone wouldn't mean it would be ok with the other person to go forward with it.. It would just be open for discussion and I am not jealous of other sexual relationships but I would be jealous of an emotional relationship in most cases.. Not all. I was talking about you and the OM in the open relationship, not your current husband. Rae you said you also want to have sex with women, don't you think the two of you will induldge in this once you're together? Once the two of you are free with no one to answer to but each other who knows what you'll get involved in. Some emotional and some physical. Afterall, you both need alot of attention.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 I would not be confessing with the hopes of reconciliation. If I confessed it would be to end my marriage. Of couuuuuuuuuurse... that is always the way, as practiced by a spouse confessing when there is no other reason to do so. It is never about the betrayed spouse "deserving to know". The fork in the road is the following: A - You confess in an attempt to end your relationship because you're too gutless to just put a stop to that relationship yourself. or B - You end up needlessly hurting somebody that you really care about (by their being AWARE of the affair) The only outside consideration is the chance that the betrayed partner could find out about your dalliances through other channels. IF there is a realistic chance that he/she could find out elsewhere, you tell him/her first, to spare that additional pain. If there is no realistic chance that the partner might learn elsewhere of your affair, then you don't tell him/her - PERIOD. Doing so merely confirms the selfishness you've already taken great strides toward proving.
BrokenPrincess Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Everyone posting here telling Rae that her MOM is a sociopath, serial cheater, master manipulator etc is really just wasting their time. Here we are, a couple months worth of posting about this situation and not one thing gas changed in her situation--not in actions or in her views. Rae deep down still thinks (fantasizes) that life with MOM will be better because he understands her brokenness. Heck, even in this thread, she said explicitly that she knows she'd finally in her life be happy if she was with MOM. That is her true feeling. No amount of advising here is going to convince her otherwise. Only a DDay could possibly open her eyes...maybe. So I say go for it Rae. Why don't you just get with your man. Tell your spouses you don't want to be married and set them free? If you love your friend so much, wouldn't you want her to be free of a H constantly cheating on her? And, since you also feel that your husband deserves someone better than you, then let him go so he can find happiness. And then you & MOM can be together and enjoy the love you've waited your whole life for. 2
cif Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) It's time to make a list... advantages and dis. of confessing. The most practical approach. Edited October 4, 2013 by cif
randomwoman Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Interesting question I've thought about situations where I may be forced into confessing. I've thought about what I would say if she asked me directly, if I would really tell her or if I would end up lying when it came down to it. I'm no longer in the anger phase but at times when she would tell those around me about her wonderful marriage to him, I would mentally picture sending her one of the dick pics he sent me or maybe even a full conversation. I still had the full text conversations of the confirmation that we kissed and things like that during the peak of the affair and I would confess that way. Confess with all the visual evidence, text conversations and maybe even a voice clip he sent me.. I've since deleted everything and I'm not angry anymore so I would never confess.
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