galats Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hi everyone. My girlfriend and I have been going to school together for 5 years and were together for 2. Now, we just moved for university. We are in the same city but go to different universities. For a few months I have already been feeling strange: I feel like I am not really in love anymore, I do care about her and she is very dear to me, but I feel like the spark has completely gone and I don't feel the strong emotions a relationship should give. She did nothing wrong, and this is why I am feeling so bad. She is insanely in love with me and would take a bullet from me, but now a disparity has grown because I don't feel the same way about her. She is also my first girlfriend, and I know this is very superficial to say, but the fact that I never even tried anything with anyone else has been slowly consuming me. She is a great girl, and I am sure at some point in life I will regret breaking up if I do, but I feel like I can't take this anymore: I really think I am not in love anymore, and while I am aware that grass is always greener on the other side, at this point in my life I am feeling like I could be better off without a relationship. I don't know if I am making a mistake, and I also don't know how I would break this to her. She would be completely devastated. But I can't help how I feel
Fufu Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You feel like you are not in love anymore? Did anything happen between the both of you before your above feelings came about? Something like quarrel or different thoughts in big issues and etc. How long have you been feeling this way? Besides, did you speak to her about your feelings? Being in a committed relationship, communication plays a very vital role, even sharing what you felt in the relationship no matter what it is. My suggestion, if you have not talk to her about your feelings, please go and talk to her first and see if things are able to work out. If you had, follow your heart, do not string the girl along if you are confirmed x10000000000000000000000000000000000000000 you are no longer in love with her. 1
Author galats Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 You feel like you are not in love anymore? Did anything happen between the both of you before your above feelings came about? Something like quarrel or different thoughts in big issues and etc. How long have you been feeling this way? Besides, did you speak to her about your feelings? Being in a committed relationship, communication plays a very vital role, even sharing what you felt in the relationship no matter what it is. My suggestion, if you have not talk to her about your feelings, please go and talk to her first and see if things are able to work out. If you had, follow your heart, do not string the girl along if you are confirmed x10000000000000000000000000000000000000000 you are no longer in love with her. Nothing big. Just over the few months I have been feeling more and more detached from her for no reason. I don't know how we'd be able to work things out if I tell her I am not in love with her anymore. I think it might be even counter productive because she wouldn't break up with me, and she would be suffering even more knowing I don't love her but still being bound to me and hoping things can change. The problem is that before when I saw her I would feel warm inside, I'd always want to see her, be around her, I'd want to jump on her, now I feel less attracted, physically but also emotionally, when I spend time with her I don't feel anything special at all anymore, which is horrible.
thetinmansam Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Not to disrespect or anything, but this thread is bull shiit. What makes you think the spark is going to last between you and someone new? It won't, never does, never will. Do you know what the point of a partnership is? It's to support each other through thick and thin, and to enable your partner to be the best they can be. How can you just magically fall out of love with someone you've been with for 2 years? Would you do that to your parents if the "spark" ran out? Here's what I'm suggesting you do.. Take a week off. Go NC and don't even think about her. See if that helps matters.. If not, tell her straight up you love her, but you are DONE. 2
Fashiongal Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I agree with thetinsman... When you get older you'll realize that there really isn't anyone better out there. You'll be wishing that you had someone like her. Of course the spark isn't going to be the same 2 years later as when you first met. You get more comfortable. If you honestly can't see a future though, I would do it now before she invests more. 2
thetinmansam Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I agree with thetinsman... When you get older you'll realize that there really isn't anyone better out there. You'll be wishing that you had someone like her. Of course the spark isn't going to be the same 2 years later as when you first met. You get more comfortable. If you honestly can't see a future though, I would do it now before she invests more. Exactly. I mean, you have three choices in life when it comes to a companion, and they are this.. 1) An actor who makes a ton of money per year, has status, and treats you the way you're supposed to be treated. However, they could get just about any female/male they'd like, so you're always walking on eggshells. Let's just consider this person an individual who would rank in the top 5% of all humans, and it's unlikely you'll date someone like this. 2) A low-life, inferior wigger, or scumbag human being who merely wants you to for sex, acts as if they love you, and even if they do, doesn't have much to offer besides love. They have no future and are perceived as being "trash" by most professionals. This person would rank in the low 25% of all humans and come a dime a dozen. (Facebook wiggers who take pictures flipping the bird.) 3) A professional who makes good money, has class and treats you the way you're supposed to be treated. This person is a gentleman/lady and believes in unconditional love. This person would rank in the top 15% of all humans and is quite rare in today's society, so if you get one of these, HOLD ON TO THEM FOR DEAR LIFE. It appears you have the third person on the list. Don't let this one slip through your fingers. Please, I implore you to give this person another shot, even if you've fallen out of love. Because most people know what it's like to get dumped when you are madly in love with that individual.. It's not fair.
Author galats Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 is being loved good enough of a reason to stay with someone though, even if you feel like you have fallen out of love and you also feel less attracted to them as a partner?
thetinmansam Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 is being loved good enough of a reason to stay with someone though, even if you feel like you have fallen out of love and you also feel less attracted to them as a partner? Dude, do you have any idea how much money I'd pay to get my ex to LOVE me, unconditionally? Love is the greatest freaking gift you can receive.. Don't *** this up man, please? If I were in your shoes, I'd be the happiest person on planet Earth. Take it from someone who has loved unconditionally and was thrown aside like a piece of trash in a dumpster. I've lived most of my life secluded from women. Not having the ambition to pursue one, thinking the perfect match would come walking in to my life.. Well, long story short, that is EXACTLY what happened, and it still didn't work out.. You are blessed with something just about 80% of the people on this forum would die for, and you're taking it for granted. Love and be loved, you only live once my friend!
reddragon588 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Love isn't about the butterflies in your stomach. That's the honeymoon infatuation period. Love is about what happens after that. Love is the man who has been married for 30 years, but wakes up early on a random weekday to bring his wife breakfast in bed. Have you actually fallen out of love with her? Or are you simply moving past the infatuation stage? 4
Fashiongal Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You have been together a long time. I would stay with my partner through anything. Even if he got paralyzed or burned in a fire. I would be unhappy but I would deal with it. 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Hmm, I don't know. Sounds like you don't want to be in this relationship anymore. So please don't wait until you find someone to break up with her. You are young, it seems like you want to experience being other people. And it's ok, it's not like you're throwing away a marriage or anything. I say do this girl a favor stop wasting her time and breakup with her if you don't want to be in this relationship. If I were her, I would prefer you breaking up with me and not wait until you like someone else. Good luck. 2
Omei Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 galats to me it just sounds like classic *first gf but now I am bored wonder what other woman are like* tbh if she treats you right like you say...You're gonna be kicking yourself in the ass later when you can't get her back. Whatever you do just don't cheat on her breakup with her if you have too but I seriously think this is your case and you worded it like a falling out of love thing. 2
KatZee Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Thetinmansam: you need to stop putting your personal experience into this thread. You're getting irrationally angry at the OP for no reason. He is ALLOWED to feel that the connection is no longer there with his girlfriend. Just because your partner is madly in love with you, doesn't mean you stay if you're unhappy. That in itself becomes an obligation and the person who stays winds up resenting their partner. He's young. She's his first girlfriend. Not only is it natural for him to want to explore other avenues, it's normal and should be expected of most people. Someone shouldn't be forced to stay for the sake of the other person. It's not fair to him, and especially not to her. It sounds as if they've just outgrown each other- at least he has with her. Will he regret it? Maybe. Maybe not. He won't know until he gets out there and experiences life, experiences being alone, experiences dating other people. OP--- live life for YOURSELF. Do not live for other people. Do not stay out of obligation. Do not stay if you've felt a steady detachment for months now. Yes, she's going to be hurt. That's the nature of the beast, but I assure you, she will get over it. And who knows, you guys may find each other again down the line. If it's meant to be, you WILL be. 7
lofi_tokyo Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, and I was feeling a lot of what you've described! My experience? Its incredibly relieving at first. I think you sort of know you needed to go, you do it, and you know its right. Then, as time passes, you slowly start to miss the person, and maybe question whether or not you made the right decision. My life has changed pretty drastically since the breakup, and I miss my ex and my old life. THAT BEING SAID! For me? There's still this undercurrent that tells me that I made the right decision. A change was needed. It hurts, he's definitely hurting, it was pretty sudden that I figured out I needed to go, but you know? We'll move on! I can only speak to my own story, but I think that you need to remember: we all heal and move past things. A breakup can feel like the end of the world, but it isnt. Our ex's will heal. If you want to leave the relationship, its totally fair to do so. If you stay together, don't feel bad for having a few bad months... that happens too! 3
Turnandcough Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Love is a commitment not a honeymoon feeling. If you don't think you want her anymore then you need to take a week or so and completely not contact her. Look at yourself and ask yourself, am I happy knowing I am gonna give this girl my whole heart. This means am I willing to go through the ups and downs with this girl. Your not gonna look at someone you've been with that long and feel those flingy relationship jitters. Find something you love about her and promise to fight for it no matter what temptations come across. If you can't do that. If you can't do that. You've never been in love with her. You just loved her as a person.
lovesucks76 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I have a co worker who's been married 23 years with 3 kids. He said he loved wife so much for the first 20 years, he would bring her breakfast in bed, make her gifts, surprised her with trips. etc, She never reciprocated and took him for granted. He even told her and she still didn't try to change. He eventually grew tired and started doing less things for her. He said he became resentfull and one day he woke up and said "her kisses meant nothing to him"....he didn't feel a thing, it was almost like an off switch. He said it was weird and felt like he woke up from a dream. He's going through the divorce now and is very painful to watch. Only YOU know what you need to do. You either love her of don't love her. You should never stay in a RS because you're afraid of hurting somoone's feeling. 3
dolita Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 hey... i'll tell you something. What about her feelings? because you have fallen out of love/don't feel it anymore, I am 99% sure she DOES feel that way too, she may be thinking the same thing. She might even be thinking of breaking up with you like you are with her. She might even thinks of her chances of other guys around her right now. how does that feel to you? scared? I think it's just that when you THINK you have something, you don't want it anymore. You think she is crazy for you, would take a bullet for you and that kills the attraction for her. 1
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