banksi Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I've been with my bf for 3 years. I recently found my bf's profile on a gay dating site. I confronted him about it and he said he signed up as a joke with his friends when he was younger and only recently went back on it just for fun. I managed to log into his account (he doesn't know) and I noticed that he has been using the site during the entire 3 years we've been together. I also noticed he made comments on other guys profiles (e.g. 'hot', 'nice c*ck'). So initially i figured that he must be gay or at least bi, however I dug a little deeper and started messaging all the guys whose profile he had commented on and asking them, while pretending to be him, if they've met up and all of them said no. Now i'm confused. If he didn't meet up with any guys, why bother going on the site? Also, to note, I have NEVER had any doubts about my bf's sexuality. He is your typical straight guy, loves sport, hangs with straight guys, doesnt dress metro, cant dance, doesnt bother too much with his appearance etc he is also very into me, always telling me how cute hot sexy i am and always very affectionate with me, always hugging me, kissing me, touching me and he gets 'excited' (down there) even just from hugging me. We are now in a kind of broken up stage but I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should leave him because he has planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Another part of me thinks that he was just being stupid and I shouldn't throw away what we have Any advice? Thanx
Philosoraptor Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 He at least intersted in men. The issue here is that he's on a dating site commenting on the bodies of other people. Why does it matter if it's men or women? Either way in a committed relationship this is a breach of trust. His sexuality is the least of your issues here. 2
lionoftheforum Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I have NEVER had any doubts about my bf's sexuality. He is your typical straight guy, loves sport, hangs with straight guys, doesnt dress metro, cant dance, doesnt bother too much with his appearance Clearly, he is gay. Does he have a crew cut? 1
Fashiongal Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 It doesn't sound good i'm sorry. If it wasn't used I would believe him because I know how guys are but it definitely sounds like he is curious. A straight guy would never say those things to another guy... It really depends on if you think you could handle being with a bisexual guy. I would weigh out the options and also keep your health in mind incase he ever cheats. 1
lindsay1990 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 You says he's "very into you, says you're cute, sexy, is affectionate and touches you" and you've been together three years. Are you saying you haven't had sex? Or how is your sex life then? I'm not being condescending at all, but when you say he "gets 'excited' down there" it makes me think you guys aren't sexually active. Unless you are very religious or have solid reasons why you don't sleep together, I think it is a HUGE red flag that any straight, red-blooded, in love male would be okay with taking things *this* slow.... three years slow. My 2 cents. What do you think of what I'm saying? 2
organizedchaos Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 And if the relationship is so good, what made you or how did you, discover him on a gay dating site? And then logging in? How did you manage that? And then pretending to be him? Sounds like other trust issues going on here. 1
lionoftheforum Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 how did you discover him on a gay dating site? And then logging in? How did you manage that? Trolls have magic abilities. That's how. Especially the gay ones. 3
JDPT Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 It's evident that he at least has some type of interest in men. I'm not certain how many other straight men you will find that will comment on someone's cock as being "nice". He apparently does a very good job at disguising the facts. He will not come clean you have confronted him and apparently he has decided to still hide it. In time, he may possibly come to terms and tell you the truth.
lindsay1990 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Dammit, lionoftheforum. You are right. And to think I uncomfortably replied to this crap from my phone. Ugh. 1
Author banksi Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 I wish this was a troll but unfortunately it's not. We have had sex and it's been good, we don't live together so we can only have sex when the opportunity arises and he is always keen. I was using his phone to show him something on the internet and the site had been opened. I saw his username and then when I went home i logged in by guessing his password (which is the same one he uses for most things). What i dont understand is, if he is gay (or bi) how can he be so into me? It's the little things i notice for e.g. when we are walking somewhere he always has his hand around my waist, when he is driving he keeps one hand on my leg, when we are hanging out watching tv he has to be right next to me with either me leaning on him or him leaning on me and randomly kisses me. He will randomly look at me and tell me how beautiful i am etc.
loversquarrel Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Yes, he certainly was being funny gay, not funny ha ha.
lollipopspot Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 What i dont understand is, if he is gay (or bi) how can he be so into me? Well it sounds like he's bi. He can be into you because he probably has an attraction to both males and females. It's not a problem being bi, unless someone can't be faithful to the person they're with because they keep wanting to explore sexual contact with the other gender.
reddragon588 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 Pretty much what Philosoraptor said. He clearly isn't completely gay, but he definitely likes guys at some level. Whether that means he's bisexual or whatever. But the real issue is that he's been flirting with other people while with you. Regardless of what gender they are. He has commitment issues that you should be more worried about.
h0000 Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 my gay friend says lots of streight guys ask gays to give them blow jobs cuz their gfs wouldn't do that. but they wouldn't comment "you have a hot.. whatever" he is at least bi. also that gay friend and his exclusive partnet have threesomes with other gay guys regularly. its called sexual experience.
Author banksi Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Thanx everyone. I told him I need time to think things through and obviously he's saying he won't let me go etc
veggirl Posted October 4, 2013 Posted October 4, 2013 does he know you read his comments? I'd love to see how he explains that sh*t away. don't bury your head in the sand girl, obviously he is interested in men. possibly men & women, so if you are fine w/ bi then carry on I guess (even though he's kinda a cheat too, I mean what would you do if he was telling girls "hot" and "nice t*ts" etc?)
Author banksi Posted October 4, 2013 Author Posted October 4, 2013 Good point veggirl .no he doesn't know that I've seen gis comments. I will let him know soon. I guess this is more about breach of trust. I'm leaning towards breaking up for good, but it's so hard because I'm not even angry at him I'm more upset about what he's done to us. We had our whole future planned around me and him.
eric85 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 I've been with my bf for 3 years. I recently found my bf's profile on a gay dating site. I confronted him about it and he said he signed up as a joke with his friends when he was younger and only recently went back on it just for fun. I managed to log into his account (he doesn't know) and I noticed that he has been using the site during the entire 3 years we've been together. I also noticed he made comments on other guys profiles (e.g. 'hot', 'nice c*ck'). So initially i figured that he must be gay or at least bi, however I dug a little deeper and started messaging all the guys whose profile he had commented on and asking them, while pretending to be him, if they've met up and all of them said no. Now i'm confused. If he didn't meet up with any guys, why bother going on the site? Also, to note, I have NEVER had any doubts about my bf's sexuality. He is your typical straight guy, loves sport, hangs with straight guys, doesnt dress metro, cant dance, doesnt bother too much with his appearance etc he is also very into me, always telling me how cute hot sexy i am and always very affectionate with me, always hugging me, kissing me, touching me and he gets 'excited' (down there) even just from hugging me. We are now in a kind of broken up stage but I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should leave him because he has planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Another part of me thinks that he was just being stupid and I shouldn't throw away what we have Any advice? Thanx Telling guys they have nice cocks is not "being stupid" its being gay. He is probably scared to come out of the closet and is bi.I am 100% and would never do something like that or make those comments come on why fool yourself? I'd leave tht one alone.
newmoon Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 i confronted my (now ex) boyfriend about 5 months ago about whether he was gay/bi or not when I caught him hugging/embracing some guy in a VERY friendly way. the takeaway I got from my own experience: - if you have to question whether your bf is gay then he probably is, or might be bi at least - I don't think you'd ever doubt/question the sexuality of a 'real' man - you can't go back... once you accuse your bf of being gay and he's truly not, it's damage done, game over for the relationship
Author banksi Posted October 5, 2013 Author Posted October 5, 2013 So today I messages one of the guys on there and found out that they had met up. I'm in shock to say the least. I'm ending it tonight for good. I just feel so stupid and to think I wasted 3 years of my life Newmoon how long we're you with your bf?
newmoon Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) So today I messages one of the guys on there and found out that they had met up. I'm in shock to say the least. I'm ending it tonight for good. I just feel so stupid and to think I wasted 3 years of my life Newmoon how long we're you with your bf? A little over two years and it all fell to pieces after I spoke up - he denied it, but it was the beginning of the end. It's impossible to feel sexual chemistry fully with a guy who have sexual doubts about and the guy will feel... well, I'm sure very emasculated. My bf cheated sexually (with a female) the day right after I accused him of being gay (to prove he wasn't) so it was over immediately for us when I found that out. We have been out of contact for 2 months now and I know in my heart he is gay and/or bi. I'd doubted it earlier in the relationship as well, but just was like 'he's a bit sensitive' and let it pass until a more defining moment. Edited October 5, 2013 by newmoon
oracle Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 He's definitely interested in guys, but many not have crossed the line or has the courage to cross the line. Sexuality is a grey area There are a lot of "str8" guys out there that I hook up with. I know it sucks to be in your position, but trust me.. its just as bad for him. Struggling with sexual attractions that are perpendicular to what you want for yourself is a terribly lonely place. You don't need the drama.... best to move onto the next I've been with my bf for 3 years. I recently found my bf's profile on a gay dating site. I confronted him about it and he said he signed up as a joke with his friends when he was younger and only recently went back on it just for fun. I managed to log into his account (he doesn't know) and I noticed that he has been using the site during the entire 3 years we've been together. I also noticed he made comments on other guys profiles (e.g. 'hot', 'nice c*ck'). So initially i figured that he must be gay or at least bi, however I dug a little deeper and started messaging all the guys whose profile he had commented on and asking them, while pretending to be him, if they've met up and all of them said no. Now i'm confused. If he didn't meet up with any guys, why bother going on the site? Also, to note, I have NEVER had any doubts about my bf's sexuality. He is your typical straight guy, loves sport, hangs with straight guys, doesnt dress metro, cant dance, doesnt bother too much with his appearance etc he is also very into me, always telling me how cute hot sexy i am and always very affectionate with me, always hugging me, kissing me, touching me and he gets 'excited' (down there) even just from hugging me. We are now in a kind of broken up stage but I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should leave him because he has planted a seed of doubt in my mind. Another part of me thinks that he was just being stupid and I shouldn't throw away what we have Any advice? Thanx
reddragon588 Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 i confronted my (now ex) boyfriend about 5 months ago about whether he was gay/bi or not when I caught him hugging/embracing some guy in a VERY friendly way. the takeaway I got from my own experience: - if you have to question whether your bf is gay then he probably is, or might be bi at least - I don't think you'd ever doubt/question the sexuality of a 'real' man - you can't go back... once you accuse your bf of being gay and he's truly not, it's damage done, game over for the relationship Are you implying that gay or bisexual men are not real men? There is absolutely nothing wrong with her boyfriend potentially being bisexual. It's the emotional and mental cheating that is an issue. 2
Charlie Harper Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 He is Gay, maybe he has not made anything YET, but he is..... run and dont look back.
newmoon Posted October 5, 2013 Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) Are you implying that gay or bisexual men are not real men? There is absolutely nothing wrong with her boyfriend potentially being bisexual. It's the emotional and mental cheating that is an issue. are these gay or bi men 'real' man in the sense of being masculine TO ME and by MY definition? no. it's ok to be gay or bi, but misleading someone into a relationship by playing straight or denying your own sexuality is more than just emotional and mental cheating. the whole relationship ends up wrapped up in lies. the person is (usually) in great denial, and you're dealing with arguments, deception and a host of other things stemming from their inability to be honest with themselves first and foremost Edited October 5, 2013 by newmoon
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