davidvilla Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I've been broken up with my ex for a little over a month, she sent me some breadcrumbs via email earlier and last week I ran into her at a concert. I had a feeling she knew I was going to be there, as I think I did tell her about it before we broke up. Anyway, it was a short exchange I asked how she was doing, how she liked the show and then said it was nice seeing you and went my own way. After the show i texted her saying "it was nice to see you sorry if i was a little aloof" (I was pretty drunk and surprised when I saw her). She responded with "It was really nice seeing you too, You weren't aloof, I was glad to see you" and that was the last I heard from her (about a week ago). At this point, I'm feeling pretty bad about the exchange (the way things have changed between us) and that I may have lost the upper-hand (I didn't respond to the earlier breadcrumbs). Is the only option I have at this point to go back into NC? Do you guys see anything else there that I may be missing? Obviously, the goal is eventual reconciliation, but at the point I think we both need time and space to ourselves. Background info: Ex had GIGs. Wanted to feel less needy/dependent on me, wanted to develop a life outside of me, wanted to focus on herself and her schoolwork (graduating soon), basically commitment issues. No issues that made the relationship sour. I had been in NC for about a month until I ran into her.
Philosoraptor Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Honestly she seems to be enjoying her life without you. You need to do the same and just accept that the relationship is over. Plenty of happiness out there, go grab it now rather than wasting your time worried about the past. 1
theonlyjuan Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Just leave it. I felt the same after I saw my ex out a few times, it is what it is. It's not like you blanked her, which I did to my ex and she has still contacted me. It sucks that people get GIGS and go to find themselves, why couldn't they have done that previous to meeting us? It's got to happen to someone and we are the unfortunate ones this time around. Just enjoy yourself and stay NC or LC. If she wants to meet up she will let you know Who knows what will happen in the future, wouldn't worry about it
Fashiongal Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I always feel like "focusing on themselves" is bs and just an excuse for ending the relationship. If she loved you then she would be with you plain and simple. I wouldn't text her again. You deserve happiness and a real commitment. I know its really hard and easier said than done. I'm in a similar situation but what else can you do? 1
organizedchaos Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I always feel like "focusing on themselves" is bs and just an excuse for ending the relationship. If she loved you then she would be with you plain and simple. I wouldn't text her again. You deserve happiness and a real commitment. I know its really hard and easier said than done. I'm in a similar situation but what else can you do? Same thing with me. That reasoning is selfish and bs. How does one "find themselves"? What does that mean?
Author davidvilla Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 I agree with you guys. I'd just like to believe that she is being truthful in her reasoning. She didn't really have a life outside of me and her school work. Being her last year, she wants to have friends in school and focus on figuring out her career after graduation. I think theses are lame excuses, and the best thing to move on and stop counting the days... 1
cavalier99 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Obviously, the goal is eventual reconciliation, but at the point I think we both need time and space to ourselves. Ok heres is the deal. The obvious goal ISNT reconcilation. The ONLY goal should be 100 percent complete indifference and recovery. This is the holy grail of recovery. If you insist on holding onto false hope your going to really prolong your recovery. Burn her out of existence and suffer and try to move on. HOPE is a killer post BU and needs to be eliminated like a cancer. Rock on! Cav
Fashiongal Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Definitely bs. She could have all of that in a relationship with you. 1
Chi townD Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I agree with you guys. I'd just like to believe that she is being truthful in her reasoning. She didn't really have a life outside of me and her school work. Being her last year, she wants to have friends in school and focus on figuring out her career after graduation. I think theses are lame excuses, and the best thing to move on and stop counting the days... There you go! That's about the best sentence in that entire paragraph. Those were lame excuses. You can have a loving and caring relationship as well as other friendships and social life outside your relationship. So, you're right. LAME!!!! GO back to NC and move on. If anything, it should make it easier on you. I speculate that she was sending you breadcrumbs to see if you hated her. But, after your last interaction (and even the fact that you did interact with her in the first place) she can see that you don't actually hate her. So, she's going to let go of her guilt and move on. I suggest you do the same.
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